Navigating the dating scene after a painful breakup can be daunting, as one guy recently discovered.
We all have our icks and dislikes when it comes to relationships - but some of us also have a list of red flags that we absolutely won't go near when it comes to love.
In a candid post Reddit post, a 24-year-old man shared his experience of abruptly ending a promising relationship after learning a concerning truth about his date's past.
The story begins innocuously enough, with the Redditor recounting how he met Katie - a woman he found attractive and interesting - through mutual friends. Despite initial hesitations stemming from a previous heartbreak due to cheating, he cautiously once again put himself out there and started dating again.
"We texted for a week until... I finally worked up the nerve to ask her out on a coffee date," he recalled. Their connection deepened over subsequent outings, including museum visits and conversations shared passions, eventually culminating in a physical relationship.
"I genuinely liked Katie a lot... And of course it was nice to be having sex again," he admitted.
However, the budding romance took an unexpected turn during a coffee date, weeks into their relationship, when the conversation turned to past relationships.
"She told me about her high school boyfriend and her college boyfriend. Then she admitted that she cheated on her college boyfriend," he revealed.
In that pivotal moment, he made a decision that surprised both Katie and their mutual friend, Hannah. "It was at this point that I stood up, told her that I didn't think it was going to work out between us, and left," he confessed. His says that his abrupt departure left Katie feeling devastated, leading to a cascade of emotional responses that reached the Redditor through mutual pals.
Hannah - the friend who initially introduced them - expressed disappointment and criticized his reaction.
"She told me that cheating was the biggest regret of Katie's life... that I was 'punishing her for a mistake she made when she was 21,'" he wrote. The critique hit close to home, prompting him to reflect on whether his response was justified or if he was projecting past hurts onto a new relationship.
"Maybe I was in some way punishing her for a mistake she made in the past, or worse, punishing her for what my ex did in the past," he adding. The self-reflection led him to acknowledge tendencies towards self-sabotage and a reluctance to confront his own vulnerabilities.
Sadly, he went on to explain that he believes they just wouldn't work out.
"I just know that I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with a cheater because I'd have constant anxiety that I would get cheated on again," he admitted.
In conclusion, the Redditor turned to the online community for perspective, grappling with the question: "Am I the a**hole?"
The story resonated with many commenters, prompting a diverse range of responses.
One person sensitively replied: "I don’t know who said this, but trauma creates sharp edges. The trick is to find someone whose edges fit yours. By that I mean find someone whose trauma does not trigger your trauma.
"Katie deserves someone who can look past her shame, and you deserve someone who won’t trigger your pain. Good luck!"
A second added: "NTA [not the a**hole]. But truthfully, I don’t think Katie was either. She was honest with you. She owned what she did. She did a hurtful thing, but it sounds like she has tried to do and be better.
"I don’t think it would be a bad idea to talk to Katie if she’s willing, give her a little insight (no need to go way into depth, it happened and was very painful for you), and tell her honestly that this is a dealbreaker and you’re sorry it didn’t work for you."
And a third bluntly added: "Get therapy. But you shouldn’t have just gotten up and walked out. You should have talked about it to her. I’m not saying that you should have kept dating her, but you owed her a conversation.
"You might want to send her an apology text so that she stops beating herself up. Take ownership of what you’ve done. Take ownership of your reactions.
"You’re not ready to date."
Meanwhile, a fourth wrote: "You should have heard her out and then responded with your history regarding cheating. If she was nonchalant about her cheating, walking out would be understandable. (But with at least a brief explanation that cheating was unacceptable and you had been a victim of it yourself.)
"If she was remorseful about the cheating and that it was truly "the biggest regret of her life" as the friend who set you up told you, you might have been swayed that she had truly changed and continued with the relationship."
