Relationships6 min(s) read
Urologist reveals the truth about how long women really need to reach orgasm amid common misconceptions
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A urologist and pelvic surgeon has explained the common misconceptions about how long it generally takes women to reach orgasm.
Dr. Rena Malik has taken to YouTube to dispel the myths about sex, sexual performance, and anatomy, explaining that a lot of common misconceptions come from unrealistic expectations rather than anything being wrong medically.
Concerns about whether everything is ok in the bedroom can crop up in most people's lives at some point - whether that's down to how much you and your significant other are getting it on, to how long it lasts, or a myriad of other potential worries.
There's no one size fits all for a healthy sex life - as long as you and your partner are satisfied, that's the main thing that matters.
But when it comes to the female orgasm, Dr. Malik has dispelled some common myths around how long it actually takes women to reach climax.
She began by explaining the sexual response cycle - basically how arousal works - and what happens inside the body during sexual activity.
Dr. Malik explained: "I want to be clear from the get-go - there is no single right way to experience sex, but there is sort of a general boilerplate.
"So, the sexual response cycle was first mapped out by Masters and Johnson back in the 1960s. And while our understanding has evolved, this basic framework is still very helpful."
The cycle is identified by four phases - desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution, but she clarified that it doesn't necessarily play out that way every time you experience arousal or have sex.
She explained: "Here's the thing. Sometimes what happens is desire and arousal don't necessarily happen in order and this can lead to a lot of frustration."
Describing the different phases, Dr. Malik says that desire can be sparked by all sorts of things, from sight to smell and more, and can be "can be spontaneous like when you were younger...Or it can be responsive, meaning that as you start engaging and being intimate with someone else, then you start feeling desire. And neither is better or worse, they're just different."
She explained that it's very common for people to experience more responsive desire than spontaneous desire in long-term relationships, and either is completely normal.
The next phase is arousal, as she explained: "So for women who have vulvas, blood flow increases dramatically to the genital area, specifically the clitoris, which is much larger than what you actually see on the outside of the vagina.
"It is actually going deep into the pelvis and around the vagina. So, just like the penis, it gets wider and longer. The vaginal walls start producing lubrication and this can take anywhere from a few seconds to 20 minutes or more."
She added that the inner lips of the vulva also swell and can deepen in color, while for men, blood rushes to the erectile tissue in the penis, creating an erection.
Dr. Malik added: "The testicles draw up closer to the body and the head of the penis becomes more sensitive and can also change in color. And with both men and women, you will see that your heart rate increases, your breathing deepens, and even your nipples become erect for both men and women."
The urologist reiterated that arousal can vary greatly from person to person, and it may take significantly longer for some partners to reach arousal than others, particularly if it is a female partner.
The next stage is orgasm, the "peak of sexual tension" where you experience a "release" and rhythmic muscle contractions, with some people experiencing a single orgasm, others having multiple, and some none at all.
For men, orgasm usually comes hand in hand with ejaculation, but the two can also happen independently, as men can also ejaculate but not feel an orgasm.
The fourth and final phase is resolution, where the body returns to its baseline state. This is the period in which women can sometimes reach multiple orgasms, as Dr. Malik explains: "When you reach this resolution period, your body is releasing different hormones.
"That basically puts you into a refractory period or a time at which it's very difficult or impossible for you to get aroused again.
"For guys, this refractory period can vary dramatically in time. Sometimes when you're younger, it can be minutes, like 10 minutes. And as you get older, that can be hours to even a full day.
"For women, many don't actually have a clear refractory period, which is why multiple orgasms tend to be more common. But I don't think we fully understand this yet."
While movies and pornography can often portray arousal as being immediate, this is a common misconception that can often leave people dissatisfied with their own sex life.
Dr. Malik explained: "This is where there's probably so many misconceptions because honestly, we are bombarded with unrealistic expectations from the media.
"And frankly, most of us never learned what's actually normal and what to expect."
She added: "For men, visible arousal, which is essentially an erection, often happens within 30 seconds to a few minutes of stimulation. However, and this is really important, that doesn't mean that a man is ready for intercourse.
"Full arousal is not just physical, but it's also mental. And that takes time for everyone. I think it's so important that men, like they're not robots. You're not just ready to go at the drop of a hat. And I think we need to really take time to accept that and understand that.
"For women, however, physical arousal typically takes a lot longer. Studies show it can take anywhere from four to 20 minutes, as I mentioned before, for full lubrication and engorgment.
"And the other thing that happens during arousal is the vagina widens and lengthens to allow for the accommodation of whatever is going in the vagina. So in this case, likely a penis.
"And obviously, you need to have full time for that to happen so that sex is not painful. And of course, again, the mental arousal is so, so important. So, they have to be in the right headspace to be aroused."
She also dispelled the myth that sex should last for hours, revealing that a study had found that the average time for penetrative intercourse, from penetration to ejaculation without accounting for foreplay, was 5.4 minutes.
The study of over 500 couple showed a wide range from less than a minute to over 30 minutes, but found most couples fell into the three to 13 minute range.
She concluded: "What matters is honestly that your partner and you are satisfied with your experience. There's no one you need to compare yourself to."