We all know and love Monopoly, right?
Monopoly, the game that tears families apart after a Sunday dinner; all flailing limbs and nefarious bankers, recriminations and reparations over apple crumble and custard, unpaid fines and heading straight to jail as tea is served, and then the lull, the endless march towards bankruptcy that meanders interminably on, deep into the night.
It's Monopoly. It's arguably the greatest board game ever created.Watch as this billiards game is interrupted by a fart from the audience:
In fact, I think it's probably true to say that you don't know someone until you play Monopoly with them. Not really. It's like moving in with mates you made in the first year of uni: you're all living in separate halls having a great time, and then you decide to live under one roof in second year and you quickly realise you're living with the real-life equivalent of Stig of the Dump.
Monopoly will tear relationships apart and rebuild them. It'll sap your of your patience, your nerves and your generosity until all you're left with is a mountain of properties, a sackful of cash and six very angry acquaintances.
What I'm trying to say is, Monopoly is brilliant.
But there's a problem, isn't there? Because without fail, one or two members of your party will complain about just how long it takes to complete a game. You really need to set aside a whole afternoon - and much of the evening - to see a game of Monopoly through to its logical conclusion (the cheating banker wins again, how convenient).
Enter, stage right: Monopoly Speed.
It's Monopoly, but played at break neck speed. In fact, it's so quick that the rules stipulate that the game must be over within 10 minutes.
So how is this even possible?
Everyone plays at once. Which is to say that the up-to-four players roll the dice and buy stuff simultaneously over four rounds. There are also two GO! spaces to speed things up even more.
While this might sound like utter carnage - and let's face it, it would be - at least the recriminations, back-stabbing and cheating will all be over with after 10 frantic minutes.
Then you can move on to cheese and biscuits while your heart rate returns to normal.