A thief attempted to bribe a cop with Krispy Kreme donuts, and it did not go well
Although I'll (hopefully) never be able to say for sure, I'd like to think that when push comes to shove, I'd be able to talk my way out of potential incarceration. I don't own a car, but if I were pulled over on the hypothetical lane for speeding and I didn't happen to have my driver's license on me, I'd joke, cajole and sweet talk my way out of a ticket.
At least that's what I'd think I'd do.
In reality, though, I'd probably end up paying a quite considerable fine, but even if that were the case, I don't think I'd ever take a risk by offering to bribe an officer of the law. There's just too much at stake; either I'd get away with it (and live with the guilt until the day I die), or the officer is too integrous; steadfastly refusing my bribe in the name of what is right, and leading me away in handcuffs.
Besides. How much should you bribe a cop? Does it depend on the crime you've been caught red-handed committing? Is it $50 dollars for driving in the wrong lane? $100 for driving on the pavement like you're playing Grand Theft Auto (no, wait - that should be more)? If that's the case, what's the offence that relates to a donut bribery?
Someone should find out and let Matthew Tyler know, because it probably would have been pretty useful last week when he was detained by cops, and attempted to talk his way out of trouble with the help of Krispy Kreme. Hmm.
The 25-year-old was with a friend, hanging around some vehicles in Frederick, Maryland, allegedly suspiciously looking inside as if they're looking for something to steal. Cops were soon on the scene, and after a search brought up a small bag of marijuana and an air pistol, the writing was on the wall for our friend Matthew.
But then, Matthew had a brainwave. He half-remembered something he knew about cops: they like coffee and donuts! So, Matthew Tyler hatched his quickly-thought plan; he told the officers that he worked at Krispy Kreme, and if they promised to "just go home", then there might be some free donuts in it for them.
Sadly, this didn't work, because none of these officers were Chief Wiggum from the Simpsons.
“I believe that he was serious,” Sgt. Jonathan Shatlock of the Frederick Police Department, revealing that he tried a lot more than once to bribe the law enforcement officers present. "He also offered another officer money to let him go free,” he added, and I hate to spoil the ending of this story, but this did not end with our man running free.
He's due back in court after being charged with resisting arrest and attempting to bribe a public employee, released on the proviso that he comes back to court for his sentence. In situations like this I'd be worried about the criminal going on the run, but clearly, Matthew Tyler wouldn't get too far if he dodged his court date.