At first, it might feel like you've hit the jackpot, your new partner showers you with affection, praise, and constant attention. They're charming, intensely focused on you, and make you feel like the center of their universe.
But psychologist Dr. Becky Spelman warns: if that whirlwind romance feels too good to be true, and you're starting to notice concerning drinking habits, you might be experiencing manipulative behavior often linked to deeper struggles, including alcohol misuse.
In a recent YouTube video, Dr. Spelman outlined key signs that you're possibly dating someone with a drinking problem, and love bombing was at the top of the list. She explains that people who struggle with alcohol often have unresolved emotional issues and low self-esteem. As a result, they may rely heavily on the validation they receive from new romantic partners.
Dr. Spelman highlights that, in the early stages, a partner can "put you on a pedestal", adding that "they’re going to rely on the validation of other people" in the early stages of a relationship to do so.
This flood of affection isn’t sustainable, though. Spelman warns it’s usually short-lived. Once they feel they’ve secured your attention and affection, the dynamic can quickly shift, and not for the better.
The problem is, love bombing creates an emotional high for both people involved. But when it fades, you’re often left with confusion, emotional whiplash, and increasing exposure to other red flags: mood swings, gaslighting, or avoidance of difficult conversations, particularly around alcohol use.
This pattern of intense affection followed by emotional distance or volatility is a defense mechanism, according to Psychology Today. Alcohol allows individuals to avoid facing their own feelings, and the love bombing helps mask the dysfunction early on in a relationship.
If you find yourself being swept off your feet by someone whose drinking seems frequent, heavy, or problematic, it’s worth pausing to consider the motivation behind their affection. Is it grounded in genuine connection, or are you being love-bombed as a way to keep you close, while their deeper issues remain unaddressed?
While love bombing alone isn’t proof of alcoholism, it can be a critical early warning sign. Recognizing the pattern can help you set boundaries, ask the right questions, and - if needed - protect yourself from a relationship that may become emotionally draining or even damaging.
If you would like to speak to somebody about alcohol dependency, help is out there.In the UK, you can contact the Drinkline national alcohol helpline on 0300 123 1110, or visit Alcohol Change UK, Alcoholics Anonymous (helpline on 0800 9177 650), or Al-Anon Family Groups (helpline on 0800 0086 811).In the US, you can visit National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (helpline on 301–443–3860), NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator®—How to Find Quality Alcohol Treatment, or contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).