Party centre and others: this is the bizarre list of names that Kim Jong-il used to go by
If you were a dictator for one month, what would you do? Maybe you're a nice person and you would wipe debts, provide free food for your people and turn your country into a safe haven for all.
Or, like the majority of people, you're a sadistic narcissist who would let the power go to your head and turn into the biggest, most egotistical maniac that the world has ever seen. Think about it. Think about all the things that you could make people do. Massage your feet? Yep. Iron your boxers? Sure thing. Nothing would be an issue.
If I was a dictator, aside from a few parades and human rights violations, I would just constantly smirk. Wherever I was, I would just smirk. Just imagine how much it would freak people out:
"What does he know that we don't?"
"Why is he always so pleased?"
"What is he plotting?"
I would also make people call me ridiculous names. My followers would rightfully call me: "His Excellency, President for Life, Lord of all the beasts of the earth and fishes of the seas and conqueror of the world but this country in particular."
But, while I would settle for one all-encompassing name, the same cannot be said for the former leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-Il.
Jong-Il, the man who ruled N. Korea between the years of 1994 to 2011, was a man of many talents. According to the ever-reliable North Korean press, the former leader was born underneath a double rainbow on a military camp on Beakdu Mountain, could control the weather and was one of the greatest sportsmen in history.
North Korean press claim that in 1994, Kim Jong-Il shot a record-breaking round of golf in which he achieved 11 holes-in-one, and a total score of 38 - by far the greatest score in history. Not only this, but it was also his first ever attempt at playing golf... simply amazing!
However, it's in Kim Jong-Il's official titles that you see how much of a talent he really was. According to the monikers that he used to adopt, Kim descended from heaven and was invincible.
Among the list of titles that have been congregated by North Korean scholars over the years, the following are just some of the best: Shining Star of Paektu Mountain, Party Centre, Guiding Sun Ray, Dear Leader, Great Leader, Respected Leader, Brilliant Leader, Sun of Socialism, The Great Sun of Life, Great Man Who Descended From Heaven, Invincible And Ever-Triumphant General, and Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love.
While Jong-Il may be more commonly known in the west as the arch villain in Team America: World Police, the film by the creators of South Park that cast him a Thunderbirds-style Marionette puppet, back home he is still known as the Shining Star of Paektu Mountain who also happened to be the greatest golfer of all time.
Oh, to be a dictator, huh?