Every winter, the United States is hit by a polar vortex, an expanse of swirling cold air traveling south from the North Pole. However, this year the temperatures are unusually chilly, plunging as low as sixty degrees below zero (Fahrenheit). This arctic blast is mainly affecting the Midwest, where it's gotten so cold that Chicago is lighting their train tracks on fire.
As a result of this record-breaking low weather, many schools, businesses and government buildings have been closed. Tragically, it's so cold beer can't be transported in Minnesota., because the booze will freeze before getting delivered. Several states have declared a state of emergency, with officials advising citizens not to go outside, as fatal frostbite could set in within minutes.
But luckily, some people don't give a crap what the officials say. It's a once-in-a-lifetime extreme weather event! We're going to take that polar vortex, and make polar vortex-ade. All across the Midwest, people are doing bizarre things to prove that the weather, to quote Andre 3000 from Outkast, is "colder than a polar bear's toenails." Here are some highlights:Freezing bubbles Throwing boiling water in the air
(Warning: Do not throw boiling water into the air if the wind is blowing toward you, because you could seriously hurt yourself, and end up looking like The Hound from Game of Thrones. Also, what are you even doing outside? There's a polar vortex, dummy!)Throwing a perfectly good coffee into the air Freezing shirts Recording the ice inside their windows Recording the frozen steam after taking a shower Blocking leaks with stuffed animals Breaking the ice...with a boat Freezing shirts Rocking icelashes
Well, I live in Los Angeles, and tonight it's supposed to get pretty cold: 56 degrees F, possibly 55. Brrrr! Maybe I'll go outside, throw a pot of boiling water in the air, and see what happens.