'Denim' speedos are here just in time for your summer vacation
Ladies and gentlemen, it's that time again: Christmas, New Year's and the rest of winter is but a tiny speck in our rearview mirror, and it's only a few weeks before we can look forward to summer again! For some of us, that means plenty of festivals, barbecues and long walks, but for others, it's all about a nice swim.
For the ladies, I'd bet swimsuit shopping can sometimes be a royal pain, but guys like me have our own problems to deal with too. For me, the tighter and more revealing, the better, but when I check out my standard speedo fare, I'm often rather disappointed.
Years of wearing body-hugging banana hammocks have left me a little burned out with their charm, and if I have to go another year wearing a navy blue, grey, black or red speedo, I could get so frustrated that I whip them off, and nobody wants that. But luckily, there's a new form of speedo out on the market, which takes after the greatest clothing material on the planet: denim.
No, not actual denim. That would be the worst. Imagine the chafing. Instead, Shinesty have seen fit to give us the Denim Print Swim Brief (something we can call a Jeado for short), and they're pretty proud of their product, as you might imagine. Here's what the official product description has to say:
"Our denim print swim brief, also known as the Jeado, also known as the Daytona Dong Sarong is just like that, except it is the above-ground hot tub of the swim brief world...or something like that. It is like eating a bag of chips in church. Everyone looks over at you with disgust, but deep down they want some too.
"And if you're really risky you'll combine those last 2 sentences, eating a bag of chips in church while wearing this denim swimsuit. You'll probably get tossed out, but you'll look and taste good doing it."
Promising a quick-dry with a smooth caress for your precious cargo, Shinesty also recommends you go one size up, because it apparently "fits tight".
If you're not down for the Daytona Dong Sarong, there's also two other colours for you to choose from: there's the Houston Hog Holster in jet-black, as well as the aptly-named Assid Washers, which don't really need much more explanation than that.
So there you have it, folks. I don't know about you, but my disillusionment over the choice of speedos in my life has been pretty much washed away. I can't wait to wear these (and immediately get banned from) my local pool.