Woman's story makes her the unluckiest person on the internet and people are screaming
While we've all considered ourselves unfortunate souls from time to time - plagued with a coterie of stubbed toes, lost possessions, and far too many drunken nights - there are some people who are so unlucky that we just assume they go around smashing mirrors and walking under ladders.
One such individual is a Reddit user who goes by the handle, TheFlyingPigSquadron. Last year, the Scottish woman shared her story on the internet, and what started with an everyday hair washing resulted in her being carted off to the emergency room. Read on to see how she ended up in a wheelchair, with a fractured ankle and a split head - but try not to chuckle too much at her misfortune...
It all began rather innocuously with the Reddit user writing, "So this morning I jumped in the shower and decided to wash my hair."
"I have very long and curly hair that reaches midway down my back. However, once it's wet the curls straighten out and my hair almost reaches my bum."
Trouble quickly ensued, however, when the woman thought a spider had managed to find its way into her shower.
"So my hair is wet, shampooing done and I just need to rinse," she continued. "I tip my head back and flip my hair over my shoulder á la shampoo adverts everywhere. And feel something brush against the top of my bum. Being the mature and logical gal I am, I came to the one and only possible conclusion."
And it's safe to say that the Reddit user overreacted...
"With a scream a howler monkey would be proud of, boobs flying and looking like some sort of demented mermaid, I attempted to flee the shower stall. And promptly acquired a new skill; the ability to do the splits.
"This in itself was a spectacular feat of physics as there isn't actually enough room in my bathroom for a toddler to do the splits, never-mind a 5'9" half drowned rat. As a result, when my leading foot came into contact with the toilet pedestal, my body was launched back along the floor towards the shower. This left me wedged between the toilet and the shower tray."
Of course, it didn't end there, as she was then "abruptly b*tch-slapped by the shower door."
"One trip to the A&E later and I have a sprained ankle, a fractured ankle, two broken toes, a beautiful rainbow of bruises in some interesting places and a partridge in a pear tree."
Now, as if that whole ordeal wasn't enough, it was about to get a lot worse...
In an update post, the Reddit user revealed how she temporarily ended up in a wheelchair, and back in the A&E:
"So because I'm a special little unicorn my broken toes and fractured ankle are on opposite feet therefore I'm now rockin' a b*tchin new wheelchair (well not new, it's the NHS and it's Scotland).
"Also my flat is upstairs so it might as well be on Everest, so I'm at my parent's bungalow until my sprain is well enough for me to find another way to f*ck it up.
"I've had the wheelchair for about 6 hours now and have bounced it off every door frame in the house and scuffed two of the walls (don't tell my mother). After about 2 hours of me bouncing around like a ping pong ball my mum got the s*its with me and told me to go and annoy my younger brother, who is playing Xbox in the living room.
"So after letting him have a go on the chair and basically p*ssing about, he says three little words that have resulted in this update. 'Do a wheelie'."
"F*cking challenge accepted", she stated.
"I give it a go and end up tipping the chair backwards, arse over tits (which I'm sure would, again, be flying if they hadn't been secured in a locked and upright position) and cracking my head on the fireplace.
"I'm now on my back doing the world's worst impression of an upside down turtle with a cast and now a head wound. My 19-year-old, apparently adult brother is trying to crawl to the bathroom before p*sses himself laughing."
Thankfully, the unfortunate woman didn't end up too damaged. "No I haven't injured myself again," she continued.
"I've just split the skin which was fixed with glue and tape because apparently medical and art supplies are the same thing. I'm also back in the wheelchair as the very wise Dr felt 'crutches would just be asking for it.'
"He's not wrong I full admit I would have attempted to swing from them and/or use them as pirate swords. Though most likely both."
Well, there you have it: the unluckiest woman on the internet. While we're all glad that she didn't hurt herself too badly, I think we can all agree that her escapades were absolutely hilarious.