This article touches on sexual abuse and other difficult topics, which some may find upsetting.
Stories of people who were sexually abused by a family member are sadly not uncommon, and they often come with the added trauma of a parent or guardian who either didn’t believe them or turned a blind eye.
But while we should never lose sight of the devastating impact abuse can have, it should be stressed that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Just take Marian Bacol-Uba’s story as inspiration.
From the age of 10, Marian endured seven years of sexual abuse at the hands of her own father.
Recently, the 35-year-old entrepreneur spoke with VT about how these early experiences affected her as an adult and how she began to “heal” herself from the trauma.
“Even though my family looked like a normal family, I was going through a lot of sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse from my own father,” she told VT.
As the abuse continued, Marian started living what she referred to as a “double life” in her hometown of Los Angeles.
She was doing well at school - she was freshman class president, on the honour roll, and an all-round hard-working student.
However, in order to help her cope with her situation at home, Marian explained that from the age of 14 she had begun a “toxic relationship with drugs and alcohol”.
Being from a “traditional Asian background”, the diligent student felt like she couldn’t talk openly about what was happening to her at home.
“We’re always taught to put on a face and never show anything inside so that’s what I did,” Marian explained. “I graduated high school, went to college and it was always like that - everything that happened on the outside had to always look perfect.”
And so, for many years, this double life continued, as she continued to don the mask she had become so accustomed wearing.
By the time she was 27, Marian had “climbed up the corporate ladder, and was a marketing director for a large national retail grocery chain". She also had a side business, which was doing well.
“On the outside, it was like the highlight reel of Instagram - traveling, 5-star hotels, restaurants,” she explained. “But on the flip side, every chance I had I would run to drugs and alcohol.”
In 2014, the marketing executive’s double life came crashing down following an overdose and a subsequent “out-of-body near-death-experience”.
“I felt separated from my body, I saw all the things that would have happened if I decided to not go back into my body,” Marian explained.
“That was my catalyst to doing something different,” she continued. “This out-of-body near-death-experience - even though I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew that I had to get out of LA, where I used to live, and I grew up. I knew I wasn’t going to get a second chance.”
So, Marian bought a one-way ticket from LA to Miami, with no job or anything at all lined up.
It was in Miami that the then-29-year-old began her spiritual journey and went through a process of healing herself. She started delving into plant medicine, meditation, and hypnotherapy.
Eventually, Marian managed to find her voice and built up enough courage to confront her father.
“It was difficult for me to say - so I actually wrote everything down first,” she said. “I printed out the story and gave it to my parents, my sister, and my aunt and uncle. Once they read it, there was a huge family fight and argument - and then I told him that I didn’t want to ever see him again.”
Marian also shared her story online, which - needless to say - was met with backlash from her family.
“The worst thing that I thought would happen happened,” Marian recalled. “The worst thing was, ‘I’m going to get disowned, people are going to get angry at me’. And that’s exactly what happened.”
“My mom - for a while - was so angry that I had put the family 'under the bus' and now people knew all of this. At first, she still didn’t believe me,” she said, adding: “She’s still married to my father.”
Marian, who is estranged from her father, explained that it is uncommon for someone “from an Asian family to speak out against their elders.”
In any case, she had finally managed to break away from these repressive expectations.
In fact, Marian says that the process of healing she underwent in Miami had allowed her to transform from a victim and survivor - into what she refers to as a “Thriver”.
In 2019, she even went on to do a TEDx talk titled, “Are you a Victim, Survivor, or Thriver?”
The 35-year-old defines "Thriver" as a person who flourishes and prospers in spite of adversity.
“You’re a victim at a certain time and place when something happens to you and after that, you’re a survivor. But after you go through a certain amount of time and healing, oftentimes we stay in that state,” Marian explained to VT.
She continued:
“But when we start incorporating certain practices in our lives to heal ourselves, to really expand our consciousness - we start shifting our mindset to ‘Thriver’.
“That’s where we’re able to take everything that’s happened - especially the bad - alchemize it and really change it in a way that it becomes your thriver fuel.
“So, instead of ‘Everything’s going wrong’ - it’s like, ‘I’m such a badass. That happened to me and I’m still alive. Can I learn from that and do something more purposeful with my life?’”
Marian uses this Thriver philosophy in her career as well as her personal life.
She currently works as a Conscious Business Coach, helping budding entrepreneurs from marginalised communities share their “authentic stories to get consistent clients”.
As the founder of Thriver Lifestyle and ThriverCon, Marian works closely with women, as well as non-binary people and others in the LGBTQ+ community.
The outspoken entrepreneur has come a long way since the days of her childhood abuse and the double life she led as a result of it.
“There was a time where I didn’t think I could talk so openly about it,” she told VT.
And yet now, not only does Marian continue to share her own powerful story, she’s encouraging others to do the same.
Connect with Marian Bacol-Uba:
- Website: www.marianbacoluba.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/thriverlifestyle
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/Thriverlifestyle
- LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/marianbacoluba
- Podcast: Apple.co/2DkEM8z
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