These are the 21 questions to ask yourself for a better sex life
Everybody wants to have great sex, but sometimes it just doesn't happen, despite your best efforts. Maybe it's because of a failure to communicate, or maybe it's because of a lack of experience, or maybe it's because you both had too many whiskey-cokes. Either way, you assure your partner it was a five star experience, but deep down, you both know it was a one. (Maybe two stars, tops.)
In her new book, Love Rules, former Cosmopolitan editor-in-chief Joanna Coles explains how to navigate today's tricky new world of dating. Also, she reveals how to experience a satisfying love life, debunking many myths about casual sex: For example, compared to Generation Xers, millennials are more than twice as likely be sexually inactive. People crave intimacy, and many of these hookups go poorly, with only 11% of women reporting having an orgasm. What's more, over 50% of women and men want to stay the night and cuddle after a hookup. That proves guys don't just want flints; they want serious relationships too.
Basically, Coles argues that casual sex isn't casual. If you want to avoid feeling an "emotional hangover," then you should get real with yourself. Here are 21 questions you should ask yourself for a better sex life.
The questions begin by analyzing your sexual history. Let's remember the good times!
1. When was the last time you had good sex?
2. Who was it with?
3. What were the circumstances?
4. Did you have an orgasm?
5. Did you see that person again?
Next, consider your experience with casual sex.
6. Have you ever had casual sex?
7. How often do you have it?
8. Do you have sex to figure out if you like someone?
9. Do you have sex drunk?
10. How often?
11. Do you regularly have orgasms?
Before you commit to having sex with someone, ask these questions:
12. Why are you sleeping with this particular person?
13. Do you just want to have sex?
14. Are you sleeping with him because you want him to like you and you think the act of sex will achieve that goal?
15. Do you think it will be a good experience?
Coles says that it's important to identify your expectations. If you're totally cool with a fling for fun, or you're sure this is beginning of a serious relationship, then that's great. But if you're not sure where this relationship is headed, you might get ghosted by your partner afterward, and feel crushed. Once you're clear about your expectations, ask these questions:
16. What is the potential upside?
17. The downside?
18. Is the equation worth it?
If your partner passes the test, then look for these cues:
19. Does your partner make you feel comfortable and safe?
20. Is your partner sensitive to the boundaries of consent?
21. Can you talk about sexual protection?
Coles says "protected sex is a prerequisite for sexual pleasure," because without protection, people feel anxiety.
Well, hopefully by answering these questions you can experience a better sex life. And if this doesn't work, you can always try ordering those "magic pills" in your email spam folder.
In a related story, these 10 little tips will reinvigorate your love life...