You can now buy jeans that stop your farts smelling for only $130
Picture this: it's a Friday evening, and you're on a date with the person of your dreams. Things have gone well - you've had dinner and a couple of drinks at that cute little restaurant you recommended, and now you've both come back to your place. They suggest putting on some music, which you take as a good sign that they intend on sticking around a little longer. So, without hesitation, you reach down to your coffee table and grab your laptop in order to fire up the ol' Spotify "chill" playlist.
But then disaster strikes.
As you bend over to hit "play" on your favourite tune by The XX, something happens in your pants. Something worryingly familiar. It's a remnant of the spaghetti bolognese you ordered only an hour or so earlier - an echo, a ghost. But a stinky one.
Before you can stop yourself, you've already done it. You've committed the ultimate faux pas.
You have farted in front of your date.
Did they hear that? You think. Or worse, can they smell it?
You contemplate every conceivable option you have for dealing with the situation. Do you laugh it off? Pretend it never happened? Blame it on the dog (which you may or may not have)?
If only there was such a thing as fart-proof jeans, you lament to yourself.
Well, guess what... there is.
"Shreddies", a UK-based company, have come up with a number of products that promise to "absorb all flatulence odours". They look and feel like any other regular item of clothing, but come equipped with a specially-designed "activated carbon back panel", meaning all those unwanted stinky whispers will remain un-smelled by anyone around you.
"Previous research published in The American Journal of Gastroenterology found activated carbon underwear to be the most effective method of removing flatulence odours," the website explains.
"The garments have gone through rigorous testing, and findings from research by De Montfort University were presented at the 86th Textile Institute World Conference; the fabric 'was found to remove sulphide and ethyl mercaptan so effectively that it can filter odours 200 times the strength of the average flatus emission.' The fabric remains effective for the life of the garment (2 - 3 years) providing the care instructions are followed correctly.
"The Shreddies motto is ‘Fart with confidence’ and our garments ensure just that."
A pair of jeans from the company will set you back £100 ($130), but - if you don't want to splash out that much - you can also buy a number of other fart-concealing garments, including boxer shorts, briefs, and pyjamas.
According to the website:
"Shreddies can be worn by anyone but they offer the perfect solution to treat flatulence issues caused by IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), Gastritis, Crohn’s disease, Dyspepsia and Colitis as well as food intolerance's and many other bowel and digestive disorders. Anybody that suffers from excessive flatulence will know of the social issues that it can cause and Shreddies not only improves the physical symptoms but also helps reduce the anxiety associated with this condition."
And, of course, they can also be worn by anyone who has a big date coming up. You never know, it could make all the difference.