When someone says "McMansions" to you, what do you imagine? Probably a house made of fried food, right? Well you're not far wrong. But when we think about design, we often neglect to think about architecture, because most of us are largely unaware of what an ugly building looks like. When it comes to fashion, or music, or any number of other aesthetic principles, people can be extraordinarily discerning about their personal tastes. Just think about shoes like Crocs or Ugg boots if you want an example. In the fashion world, these two brands have become the butt of many a cruel joke.
Yet when someone builds an ugly house? Nothing. Nada. Not so much as a peep from Mr and Mrs General public. It's a double standard that's largely down to ignorance. Oh sure, maybe we all give a cheer when a particularly miserable-looking tower block or brutalist shopping centre is forcefully demolished, but by and large, as long as the domicile boasts four walls and a roof, the vast majority of folks who aren't realtors or architects themselves barely seem to notice.
But for those people who do take an active interest: the knowledgeable silent minority, the mistakes made by people who build homes the same way a toddler might construct a clay model are obvious and deeply repugnant. What's worse is that the collapse of the housing market in 2008 has done nothing to stall the seemingly-inexorable rise of low-quality homes, hastily constructed using a clashing medley of materials. If anything, the real-estate crisis has only served to exacerbate the problem. The US now faces a veritable plague of McMansions.
I know you're probably thinking "what the hell is a McMansion?" But believe me, it's got nothing to do with fast food. A McMansion is the architectural equivalent of a mongrel dog boasting all the worst traits of every breed. But what makes them so contemptible to designers is that they try to pass themselves off as being opulent, even though it's plain to see that (although vast in size) they're generic, mass-produced, and invariably gauche.
Estate agents make a brave attempt to disguise these spurious properties through euphemism and innuendo, using terms like "tract mansion" or "executive home". Anyone with a basic understanding of architectural fundamentals refers to these buildings as "Persian palaces", "garage Mahals" or "Hummer houses."
McMansions first started cropping up in California; typically in large, gated suburbs catering to the upper-middle classes, usually on disused lots near a waterfront or golf course. The design is faux-modernist; they superficially resemble Old Worlde mansions and country houses; of a kind built with solid oak timbers and ivy growing up the walls. These homes, by contrast, have all the surface details right, but none of the fundamentals, and come across more like poor facsimiles of the real deal.
But what is it about these houses that makes them such a massive eyesore? As Los Angeles Times writer Greg Goldin once described, "A complete Persian Palace - there are many minor variations and lesser imitations - is distinguished by its exaggerated mouldings, numberless layers of cornices, elaborate grillework and columns galore. A Persian Palace brazenly combines motifs and wantonly disregards proportion and scale."
McMansions are seemingly designed from the inside out and not the outside in, thus while the interior is usually appealing, the house's exterior appearance suffers in due proportion, and features oddly placed Palladian windows, uneven roofs, and in general looks like an unattractive mishmash of several different styles and forms. They have quoins, multiple roof lines, complicated massing, pronounced dormers and wide garages to store multiple SUVs .
Recently a blog entitled McMansionHell, run by Kate Wagner, has sprung up. It aims to document the various architectural sins committed by these buildings, and has managed to popularise the term online, as well as gain thousands of avid followers. Despite the bad press this blog has given McMansions in general (and threats of legal action from real estate website Zillow), McMansions don't look like they're going anywhere. On the contrary; they're becoming more commonplace across the country. Much of this is to do with the fact that construction companies see the McMansion as a cost-effective way of using the available space.
As Kate herself explains in her blog, "when big building corporations such as Toll Brothers and Pulte Homes, consistently push the 'More House for Your Money!' angle, it’s a safe bet that corners are being cut somewhere ... McMansions tend to use the cheapest materials possible, installed in dubious ways in order to satisfy their builder’s profit margins."
But McMansions aren't just aesthetically unpleasant - they're also bad for the environment, since they tend to be oversized, incongruously designed and poorly insulated, they are notoriously difficult to heat and maintain. They use more materials to construct as well - large quantities of wood, concrete, steel and tile are wasted building utterly pointless features for the various residences.
But ultimately, the most depressing thing about McMansions is how large and lonely they are - filled with interior and exterior voids. They're homes built without heart or passion; as bland as oatmeal and completely lacking in character or charm. They loom large over the landscape like Overlook Hotel in The Shining; with floor plans that defy understanding and geometry that would make your brain bleed just thinking about it. They seem to be representative of a desperate America, one eager to sacrifice decent living space for affordability and profit - representative of a society that seems to be regressing into itself; gradually becoming hermetic and remote. Frankly, the sooner they end up demolished, the better. Maybe then we'll finally realise that size isn't everything.
Model Gigi Hadid has taken to Instagram to give her fans a detailed look at her lockdown project: decorating her luxury New York City apartment.
However, the 25-year-old's unusual design choices did not sit well with the people of Twitter. Some highlights included a bowl of billiard balls on the kitchen counter, a wall of blu-tacked magazine covers in the bathroom, and cabinets apparently filled with dyed dry pasta.
Internet users went so far as to brand her interior efforts "ugly".
"Spent all of last year designing and curating my passion project / dream spot," she captioned the Instagram post, which included a slew of snaps of her home.
"Of course it all came together right before quarantining out of the city.... but I’m excited for the time I’ll get to spend enjoying all the special corners that were made with a lil help from some of my favorite creatives (tap!) who embraced my ideas and didn’t call me crazy. ++ my mamma:) who is the greatest homemaking-sounding-board I could ask for (she called me crazy when required) ☺️ grateful to and for all [sic]."
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Instagram / Gigi Hadid]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Instagram / Gigi Hadid]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Instagram / Gigi Hadid]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Instagram / Gigi Hadid]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Instagram / Gigi Hadid]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Instagram / Gigi Hadid]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Instagram / Gigi Hadid]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Instagram / Gigi Hadid]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Instagram / Gigi Hadid]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Instagram / Gigi Hadid]]
"Every picture gigi hadid posts of her home design is more horrifying than the last and just reinforces that being rich ≠ having good taste [sic]," commented one user on Hadid's interior decorating skills, while another added, "Gigi Hadid’s atrocious interior design skills are proof that hot people should just stick to being hot."
"Shaken to my core by gigi hadid’s abysmal interior design taste [sic]," wrote a third.
Fashion. What exactly comes to mind when you hear that word? Whatever it is, you're probably right. Fashion is subjective. It's another form of art - except it's art that you wear. It is a way for anyone to express themselves and who they are through their clothes. If you're reading this and thinking, "Yeah ok whatever. I wear all black all the time you can't tell anything about me from that," then think again my friend. Fashion is one of the biggest clues we give others about who we are as people.
Granted, not everyone has the same taste in fashion - hence why it's a form of self-expression. Although sometimes there are fashion trends, those waves of collective thought were people think "oh yeah, that looks good." We love some fashion trends; some years, the color schemes are absolute perfection. Other fashion trends, we'd rather like to forget ever happened... like the 80s. Everyone knows ASOS. They're a pretty on-trend fashion brand. I've ordered like hundreds of stuff from them over the years. But here are 30 trends that are a bit much... like they stopped being fashion and began being ridiculous like 10 minutes ago.
[post_page_title]#1 Furry Heels[/post_page_title]
Granted, not the worst, but definitely not something I would be caught dead in. I mean, imagine getting hit by a bus in these and the arriving paramedics at the scene have to see you in shoes that make you look like you skinned a poodle?
Like I said, wouldn't want to be caught dead in these. The only person these shoes are fit for is Cruella de Vil... and we all know her fashion choices were rather questionable and would have had PETA banging down her door for justice.
[[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#2 I'd Like to Keep it On Please[/post_page_title]
Any Drag Race fans out there? Show of hands. Yep, I'm pretty proud of that caption, if I do say so myself.
However, what I wouldn't be proud of is wearing this mask. The only reason you should be wearing this ugly thing is if you've forgotten the words to Ariana's "Greedy"...even if it is mostly a chorus of like three words.
[[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#3 This Bag[/post_page_title]
Ok, I'm a little torn by this one. It's actually really kind of cute. However, the reason that I put it on the list is that it's so not useful!
I'm a writer, so immediately I'm like no, no, no... all my pens will fall out. But not just that. Imagine being a normal girl. Where are the tampons going to go? I'm sorry, but I can't have that kind of negativity in my fashion life.
[[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#4 Safety Bra[/post_page_title]
In solidarity with my big-boobed sisters out there, this is a no. Can you imagine being anything bigger than a double-A cup? You'd get arrested for indecent exposure trying to wear this out of the house.
I mean, seriously. Even the hot model can't make this thing look good. You know that it's a lost cause when even the model can't save the garment. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#6 All Year Halloween Wear[/post_page_title]
If Halloween is your thing and you want to look like you're wearing a costume all year long, then, by all means, this is for you. But if not, then this outfit is going too far.
It just makes you look either like Oogie Boogie - but like hot - or it makes you look like an abandoned baseball in a dog park that you find in the bushes. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#7 I Can't[/post_page_title]
I can't even. That's really all I can say about this look. I don't even know what it is. It's just like... a hamburger that you put on your head. Why?!
ASOS, you definitely have gone too far with this one. You can't even call it "high fashion" anymore, it's just weird. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#8 A Felony in the Making[/post_page_title]
You know how your life can change in an instant? That is exactly what would happen if you wore these pants out in public and forgot to add the underpants.
I just want to satisfy my own curiosity. They look like something a kid would wear at Christmas time... and even then, I wouldn't let my child run around in these. [[pagebreak]]
This denim belt is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Plus, I would think that ASOS would have figured out by now that the 80s and 90s are over, we've moved past the denim on denim trend. Let it go. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#11 Male Crop Top[/post_page_title]
As an out and proud gay woman, the male form holds no interest to me. However, that is not why I'm condemning this male crop top. I'm just looking out for my straight girlfriends. With all those hairy dad bods out there, the male crop top is probably a bad idea... unless he's ripped.
Oh, wait, you don't like what I'm saying? I should be more respectful of all body types... funny that. That is exactly what I've been saying, only it's women that are getting body shamed. So yeah, if you want to defend your dad bod then embrace women's extra curves, cellulite, and stretch marks. We're beautiful. But seriously though, that male crop top has got to go. It's stupid. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#12 Bake at 350 for 1 Hour[/post_page_title]
This one is a hard pass. If this look is what you're going for, it would be cheaper just to wrap yourself in aluminum foil.
But seriously, please don't. You'll only end up looking like a potato that is ready for the oven. And everyone hates a baked potato. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#13 Denim on Denim[/post_page_title]
Can I get a hell no? Hell no! This atrocious look is all kinds of wrong. It's jeans and a skirt combined. On its own, maybe both could be incorporated into a cute outfit, but together it's just wrong.
Why would anyone want to wear these things together? It looks like you ran out of room in your suitcase and had to get creative while going through security at the airport. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#14 This Rainbow Jacket[/post_page_title]
Does anyone remember "The Rainbow Fish" from when they were a kid? Well, now you can apparently dress up like the titular main character from the children's book.
This is great as a pride or Halloween look, but there is little beyond that where it would be appropriate to wear this jacket. Just, no. Anyone older than 18 will look like an absolute tool walking down the street in this. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#15 His and Hers Curtain Editions[/post_page_title]
You know what I've always wanted to look like? My grandma's curtains from 1955. And what's more, I want bae to get in on the fun as well.
There is just too much shine going on. On the bright side, it's the perfect outfit to go storming Area 51 in. They definitely won't see you coming in this. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#17 Gentlemen, Start Your Engines[/post_page_title]
Drag Race fans know that Mama Ru loves her colorful suits when out of drag. And Ru definitely knows how to pull off those wild colors and prints. But only Ru can do that.
This ASOS creation would look terrible on anyone else. The only person I can see this being acceptable on is RuPaul, but I don't think he'd ever wear this unless it was Klein Epstein and Parker. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#18 I Give Up[/post_page_title]
When I was like 15, I tried to make cut-off shorts from an old pair of jeans. I immediately regretted it, since I looked like I'd been attacked by a wild animal. Now if only I'd had some hardware on me, I could've fixed them.
It's not funny, it's crude. We live in a world where women are constantly being the target of body shaming and harassment, yet we have to contend with this s**t during the holidays too? Nope, get out. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#20 The Fascinating Fascinator[/post_page_title]
When I think holiday fascinator, I think something cute and sparkly. Instead, this looks like you stuck your five-year-old's holiday felt project on your head and called it macaroni.
If you want to look like a sad voodoo doll then, by all means, go ahead and wear this, but just know, you're going to look ridiculous. Don't say I didn't warn you. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#22 You Don't Know Me[/post_page_title]
Can we please stop assuming that all women eat salads and love pink? Just, no. I don't eat "girly" salads, and I don't put my lunches into pink tote bags.
I eat my lunch over the sink in my PJs like the savage-work-from-home-writer that I am. Can we please put that on a green tote bag instead? And today's lunch was homemade pumpkin gnocchi with a sage and brown butter sauce in case anyone was wondering. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#23 You've Got Quite a Tail[/post_page_title]
Remember when women wore hoop skirts for a fashion statement? They were got very cumbersome and often would catch on fire if a woman got too close to a fireplace. That's what these shorts remind me of.
They look completely impractical and stupid. Unless it's Halloween don't wear it. Burn it instead. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#24 The Boob Harness[/post_page_title]
"If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all," we've all been told this as children. And it was a great lesson. For the most part, we hold our tongue before speaking.
So listen up, I've got a new life lesson for some of you to learn. If you don't have anything nice to wear, just stay at home naked. It's better than going out in this free-flashing boob harness. I mean, what is even the point? [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#25 A Christmas Ornament[/post_page_title]
Christmas ornaments are for decoration. They're not for toting around your lipstick and phone and wallet on a night out. In fact, I doubt any of them could even fit into this tiny little rat purse.
Instead of using this for a bag, you'd be better off just hanging it on your Christmas tree. It's such a terribly impractical item to own. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#26 This Poo Bag[/post_page_title]
No. Just no. I can't say it enough. No. No. No. No. It's a bag that has poop on it! What are we, 12-year-old boys? There's nothing amusing about this bag. I would be so embarrassed to exit my house wearing that thing. There really is no need to even have that bag in existence. It's not cute or funny, it's a terrible idea.
Also, can I just say, that if any of my friends got this for me as a gag gift I would question their mental stability. It is so bad. Just no. I'll say it again. No. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#27 This Scarf[/post_page_title]
Fur scarves shouldn't be a thing. I mean, poor little bunnies. But this scarf definitely shouldn't be a thing because it's so heinous looking.
The colors are awful. The fact that it has got fur is even more awful. And to top it all off, can someone please explain to me why the fur on it is in balls? No, seriously, someone please explain to me how that makes the aesthetic better? [[pagebreak]]
And I don't even want to ask with is up with the robe jacket hybrid in terms of what's on it. Is that like a decal of some kind? Is it supposed to be like giant rhinestones? Either way, whatever it is, is not an overall good look. [[pagebreak]]
Ever wonder what Satan wears down in hell since it's so hot all the time? Well, here you go. These buckled, furry sandals look like something that you'd wear in the seventh circle because they're just that awful.
It makes your foot look hooved. And I mean, fur, really? It's like you skinned a gorilla while you were trapped on a desert island. These are an absolute Hell no. [[pagebreak]]
[post_page_title]#30 Half a Jacket[/post_page_title]
All I can picture when I see this is David Attenborough narrating, "And the millennial molting season has begun. Soon, these near-homeless millennials will leave their summer beaches in search of their pumpkin spice lattes and avocado toasts." I'm a millennial myself, so it's not ageist when I say it.
You can often tell a lot about a home from the outside. But, as the old saying goes, you should never judge a book - or, in this case, a house - by its cover. Sometimes the most innocuous looking homes contain the most jaw-dropping interiors, and we've compiled a list of nine of the best which will make you want to sell up immediately.
Located in various countries throughout the world, they are a testament to the power not only of imagination but interior design - and in one case, prove that sometimes not updating your home can be a lot more powerful than trying to keep up with the Joneses.
1. On the outside, this is just a plain ol' barn...
2. A fairly standard looking home in Newport, Oregon, that's equipped with three bedrooms and three bathrooms...
[[imagecaption|| Credit: trulia.com]]
Judging by this view of its yard, it's the drabbest of the drab...
[[imagecaption|| Credit: trulia.com]]
But there's a secret that will take your breath away inside. It looks like something from the Forbidden City in China!
[[imagecaption|| Credit: trulia.com]]
Then, when you step further inside, it could quite easily be Dracula's castle. Look at that chandelier!
[[imagecaption|| Credit: trulia.com]]
And that kitchen! Those hanging vegetables are to die for. Talk about stepping back in time...
[[imagecaption|| Credit: trulia.com]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: trulia.com]]
This looks fit for Royalty. Literally.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: trulia.com]]
Sure, the Sistine Chapel has a better ceiling, but this is a pretty awesome counterpart that's actually obtainable.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: trulia.com]]
Honestly, this home is on the market for $399,000. You'd expect something this beautiful to be worth millions.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: trulia.com]]
3. What looks like a shack in the French Quarter of New Orleans is actually something else entirely...
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
And the first hint that there's more to it than meets the eye is hidden behind its window shutters.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
And the inside? It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase open plan living. That swirling staircase is stunning.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
That marble kitchen unit must have cost a fortune.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
And while this bed looks like it could be a little chilly in the winter, we can only assume that this place comes with underfloor heating. It does, after all, appear to have just about everything else.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
It's even got a gorgeous looking garden - complete with a plush patio set and lantern.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
Oh, and it's also for sale - albeit for the slightly higher price tag of $1,160,000.
4. This Toronto home also has a secret - but unlike the others it's not it's size, and it doesn't have decor that you wouldn't expect to see in a run of the mill home.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: hgtv.ca!/0]]
Instead, it's a virtual time capsule.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: hgtv.ca!/0]]
Can you guess the period?
[[imagecaption|| Credit: hgtv.ca!/0]]
It's the Swinging Sixties! Unbelievably, all of its decors has been completely untouched since then.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: hgtv.ca!/0]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: hgtv.ca!/0]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: hgtv.ca!/0]]
It's a vintage lover's dream and came with a price tag of $699,000.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: hgtv.ca!/0]]
Sadly, however, it's already been snapped up. The good ones aren't on the market for long!
5. If you're worried about the end of the world, or a zombie apocalypse, this home in upstate New York will be right up your street.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: coldwarmissilesilo.com]]
It's got all the comforts you'd expect in a modern home and a very useful surprise should, y'know, the worst happen.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: coldwarmissilesilo.com]]
Can you guess what it is yet?
[[imagecaption|| Credit: coldwarmissilesilo.com]]
How about now?
[[imagecaption|| Credit: coldwarmissilesilo.com]]
Or now?
[[imagecaption|| Credit: coldwarmissilesilo.com]]
It's not a bunker... It's an actual underground home.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: coldwarmissilesilo.com]]
Check out this map to see how extensive it is:
[[imagecaption|| Credit: coldwarmissilesilo.com]]
Even in a Walking Dead scenario, you could just burrow deeper into the ground.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: coldwarmissilesilo.com]]
And you can guarantee that you'll survive the end of the world, at least for a while, if you happen to have a spare $1,760,000 - seriously, there's a silo so you can even store grain too.
6. This one's based in the UK
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
It looks very English and wet, doesn't it?
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
But inside, well, if you're a fan of the color purple, you'll have hit the jackpot in terms of houses.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
Seriously - everything is purple.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
Even the kitchen floor!
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
And the floral arrangements...
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
And while this home won't be to everyone's taste, someone was willing to cough up $400,000 for it.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
7. A pretty, average house...
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
But you know by now that it's going to have a secret.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
So what is it? The inside looks pretty average too.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
Seriously, this is as bland as you can get.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
Even the garden looks like nothing special. But wait, what's that at the bottom of it?
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
A pub. A personal pub. Ever beer fanatic's dream.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
Can you imagine the parties that the owners of this house must have in here?
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
It's fully functional, and as you can tell, is surprisingly spacious!
[[imagecaption|| Credit: rightmove.co.uk]]
And the price tag? A cool £249,950 ($329,799) - not bad for a home and a pub.
8. This Chicago apartment
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
And it's seriously groovy secret. It looks like something straight out of an Austin Powers movie!
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
Proof that a groovy look isn't necessarily tacky.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
This living room actually reminds me of Beetlejuice.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
We're not quite sure what the theme of this room is meant to be, but hey - each to their own.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
And while you might expect an apartment like this to have a huge price tag, it's actually surprisingly cheap and can be yours for a mere $168,724!
[[imagecaption|| Credit: realtor.com]]
Now that's what we call a steal.
9. And finally...
This house was listed for sale in the UK. Unlike the other homes on our list, it looks perfectly normal on the inside, but the outside certainly had a few people talking...
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Zoopia / metro.co.uk]]
Because who doesn't want a giant fish sticking out of their roof?
Aside from the Mona Lisa, the sound of a baby's laughter, and that feeling you get when you separate an Oreo in half with all the cream on one side, very few things in life are perfect. Some things come close, I guess - like maybe seeing your partner on your wedding day, or boiling just the right amount of pasta - but it doesn't happen often.
Imperfect things, on the other hand, happen all the time. Look around you right now, and I can guarantee you'll notice something that's damaged or wonky or simply not very aesthetically pleasing. I could make a joke here about looking in a mirror, but I won't.
Some of these badly-designed things transcend imperfection, however, and earn themselves the label of being downright wrong. Perfectionists beware, then, because here's 22 design flaws that are so bad you might feel a bit unwell...
1. I'm getting mixed messages here
2. Ah yes, that famous animal: the jeopard
3. Die for success (or live trying?)
4. Is that a pencil in your pants or are you just pleased to see me?
5. J*zz addict and proud
6. At midnight she turns back into a giraffe
7. Come again?
8. I suggest you rethink this
9. To be fair, the packets of cigarettes also tell you not to smoke
10. When life gives you lemons... make orange juice?
11. No thank you
12. I mean, I knew he could shoot webs from his wrist, but this is going too far
13. This doesn't say what they think it says
14. You couldn't have put it the other way around?
15. Maybe the guy just has long hair and the girl is kinda hench
16. You had ONE job
17. Actually I wanted the 3st floor
18. Anally what?
19. Happy birtday, here's your preset
20. Good luck getting home drunk
21. Um, ok?
22. That clears it up, thanks
Congratulations for making it to the end without your head exploding. Not many people could have handled that. Now what are you waiting for? Go grab some lemons and make yourself some orange juice.
Fashion. What comes to mind when you hear that word? Whatever it is, you're right. Fashion is subjective. Although sometimes there are trends, those waves of collective thought were people think, "Oh yeah, that looks good." We love fashion trends; some years, the color schemes are absolute perfection. Other trends, we'd rather like to forget ever happened. Everyone knows ASOS. They're a pretty on-trend fashion brand, but here are 30 trends that are a bit much...
[post_page_title]#1 Furry Heels[/post_page_title]
Granted, not the worst, but definitely not something I would be caught dead in. I mean, imagine getting hit by a bus in these and the arriving paramedics at the scene have to see you in shoes that make you look like you skinned a poodle?
[post_page_title]#2 I'd Like to Keep it On Please[/post_page_title]
Any Drag Race fans out there? Show of hands. Yep, I'm pretty proud of that caption, if I do say so myself. However, what I wouldn't be proud of is wearing this mask. The only reason you should be wearing this ugly thing is if you've forgotten the words to Ariana's "Greedy"...even if it is mostly a chorus of like three words.
Ok, I'm a little torn by this one. It's actually really kind of cute. However, the reason that I put it on the list is that it's so not useful! I'm a writer, so immediately I'm like no, no, no... all my pens will fall out. But not just that. Imagine being a normal girl. Where are the tampons going to go? I'm sorry, but I can't have that kind of negativity in my fashion life.
In solidarity with my big-boobed sisters out there, this is a no. Can you imagine being anything bigger than a double-A cup? You'd get arrested for indecent exposure trying to wear this out of the house. Plus what is up with the buckle?
[post_page_title]#5 What Even Is It?[/post_page_title]
At first, I thought it was chains. Then I thought it was bubble wrap. Then I gave up and just concluded that it was hideous. I mean, seriously. Even the hot model can't make this thing look good. You know that it's a lost cause when even the model can't save the garment.
[post_page_title]#6 All Year Halloween Wear[/post_page_title]
If Halloween is your thing and you want to look like you're wearing a costume all year long, then, by all means, this is for you. But if not, then this outfit is going too far. It just makes you look either like Oogie Boogie - but like hot - or it makes you look like an abandoned baseball in a dog park that you find in the bushes.
I can't even. That's really all I can say about this look. I don't even know what it is. It's just like... a hamburger that you put on your head. Why?! ASOS, you definitely have gone too far with this one. You can't even call it "high fashion" anymore, it's just weird.
[post_page_title]#8 A Felony in the Making[/post_page_title]
You know how your life can change in an instant? That is exactly what would happen if you wore these pants out in public and forgot to add the underpants. You'd definitely end up on a list... particularly if you live anywhere close to a park or school.
[post_page_title]#9 Festive Socks or Stockings?[/post_page_title]
So, what is the purpose of these? Are they socks or stockings? Not that it would make much of a difference, they're still disgusting. I just want to satisfy my own curiosity. They look like something a kid would wear at Christmas time... and even then, I wouldn't let my child run around in these.
Influencers on Instagram love to flaunt their assets. Well, I just found the source of their jeans. This denim belt is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Plus, I would think that ASOS would have figured out by now that the 80s and 90s are over, we've moved past the denim on denim trend. Let it go.
[post_page_title]#11 Male Crop Top[/post_page_title]
With all those hairy dad bods out there, the male crop top is probably a bad idea... unless he's ripped. Oh, wait, you don't like what I'm saying? I should be more respectful of all body types... funny that. That is exactly what I've been saying, only it's women that are getting body shamed. So yeah, if you want to defend your dad bod then embrace women's extra curves, cellulite, and stretch marks. But seriously though, that male crop top has got to go. It's stupid.
[post_page_title]#12 Bake at 350 for 1 Hour[/post_page_title]
This one is a hard pass. If this look is what you're going for, it would be cheaper just to wrap yourself in aluminum foil. But seriously, please don't. You'll only end up looking like a potato that is ready for the oven. And everyone hates a baked potato.
[post_page_title]#13 Denim on Denim[/post_page_title]
Can I get a hell no? Hell no! This atrocious look is all kinds of wrong. It's jeans and a skirt combined. On its own, maybe both could be incorporated into a cute outfit, but together it's just wrong. Why would anyone want to wear these things together? It looks like you ran out of room in your suitcase and had to get creative while going through security at the airport.
[post_page_title]#14 This Rainbow Jacket[/post_page_title]
Does anyone remember "The Rainbow Fish" from when they were a kid? Well, now you can apparently dress up like the titular main character from the children's book. This is great as a pride or Halloween look, but there is little beyond that where it would be appropriate to wear this jacket.
[post_page_title]#15 His and Hers Curtain Editions[/post_page_title]
You know what I've always wanted to look like? My grandma's curtains from 1955. And what's more, I want bae to get in on the fun as well. Yeah, that's exactly what this outfit is screaming. Personally, it just makes me want to scream. Period.
[post_page_title]#16 The Martians Have Landed[/post_page_title]
The little green men from Mars have finally made it to our planet. Oh, wait, no. It's just another terrible outfit, courtesy of ASOS. There is just too much shine going on. On the bright side, it's the perfect outfit to go storming Area 51 in.
[post_page_title]#17 Gentlemen, Start Your Engines[/post_page_title]
Drag Race fans know that Mama Ru loves her colorful suits when out of drag. And Ru definitely knows how to pull off those wild colors and prints. But only Ru can do that. This ASOS creation would look terrible on anyone else. The only person I can see this being acceptable on is RuPaul, but I don't think he'd ever wear this unless it was Klein Epstein and Parker.
When I was like 15, I tried to make cut-off shorts from an old pair of jeans. I immediately regretted it, since I looked like I'd been attacked by a wild animal. Now if only I'd had some hardware on me, I could've fixed them. That is exactly what this looks like: trying to fix some cut-off shorts you didn't mean to make. And it's awful. I give up.
Can I just say that as a feminist, I find this highly offensive. If someone showed up at my door wearing this, I'd make them leave. It's not funny, it's crude. We live in a world where women are constantly being the target of body shaming and harassment, yet we have to contend with this s**t during the holidays too? Nope, get out.
[post_page_title]#20 The Fascinating Fascinator[/post_page_title]
When I think holiday fascinator, I think something cute and sparkly. Instead, this looks like you stuck your five-year-old's holiday felt project on your head and called it macaroni. It's just terrible! Why would anyone want to wear that to Thanksgiving or anywhere really? Holiday season or not, it's just a big no-no.
You know what I really want to wear? Raggedy Ann's clothes, but make it fashion. Yeah, said no one ever. If you want to look like a sad voodoo doll then, by all means, go ahead and wear this, but just know, you're going to look ridiculous. Don't say I didn't warn you.
[post_page_title]#22 You Don't Know Me[/post_page_title]
Can we please stop assuming that all women eat salads and love pink? Just, no. I don't eat "girly" salads, and I don't put my lunches into pink tote bags. I eat my lunch over the sink in my PJs like the savage-work-from-home-writer that I am. Can we please put that on a green tote bag instead?
[post_page_title]#23 You've Got Quite a Tail[/post_page_title]
Remember when women wore hoop skirts for a fashion statement? They were got very cumbersome and often would catch on fire if a woman got too close to a fireplace. That's what these shorts remind me of. They look completely impractical and stupid. Unless it's Halloween don't wear it. Burn it instead.
[post_page_title]#24 The Boob Harness[/post_page_title]
"If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all," we've all been told this as children. And it was a great lesson. For the most part, we hold our tongue before speaking. So listen up, I've got a new life lesson for some of you to learn. If you don't have anything nice to wear, just stay at home naked.
[post_page_title]#25 A Christmas Ornament[/post_page_title]
Christmas ornaments are for decoration. They're not for toting around your lipstick and phone and wallet on a night out. In fact, I doubt any of them could even fit into this tiny little rat purse. Instead of using this for a bag, you'd be better off just hanging it on your Christmas tree. It's such a terribly impractical item to own.
[post_page_title]#26 This Poo Bag[/post_page_title]
No. Just no. I can't say it enough. No. No. No. No. It's a bag that has poop on it! What are we, 12-year-old boys? There's nothing amusing about this bag. I would be so embarrassed to exit my house wearing that thing. There really is no need to even have that bag in existence. It's not cute or funny, it's a terrible idea.
Fur scarves shouldn't be a thing. I mean, poor little bunnies. But this scarf definitely shouldn't be a thing because it's so heinous looking. The colors are awful. The fact that it has got fur is even more awful. And to top it all off, can someone please explain to me why the fur on it is in balls?
Ever wonder what Satan wears down in hell since it's so hot all the time? Well, here you go. These buckled, furry sandals look like something that you'd wear in the seventh circle because they're just that awful. It makes your foot look hooved.
[post_page_title]#30 Half a Jacket[/post_page_title]
All I can picture when I see this is David Attenborough narrating, "And the millennial molting season has begun. Soon, these near-homeless millennials will leave their summer beaches in search of their pumpkin spice lattes and avocado toasts." I'm a millennial myself, so it's not ageist when I say it. But seriously, this jacket is awful.
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