Lifestyle14 min(s) read
Published 09:36 16 Sep 2019 GMT
Fashion. What exactly comes to mind when you hear that word? Whatever it is, you're probably right. Fashion is subjective. It's another form of art - except it's art that you wear. It is a way for anyone to express themselves and who they are through their clothes. If you're reading this and thinking, "Yeah ok whatever. I wear all black all the time you can't tell anything about me from that," then think again my friend. Fashion is one of the biggest clues we give others about who we are as people.
Granted, not everyone has the same taste in fashion - hence why it's a form of self-expression. Although sometimes there are fashion trends, those waves of collective thought were people think "oh yeah, that looks good." We love some fashion trends; some years, the color schemes are absolute perfection. Other fashion trends, we'd rather like to forget ever happened... like the 80s. Everyone knows ASOS. They're a pretty on-trend fashion brand. I've ordered like hundreds of stuff from them over the years. But here are 30 trends that are a bit much... like they stopped being fashion and began being ridiculous like 10 minutes ago.
[post_page_title]#1 Furry Heels[/post_page_title]
Granted, not the worst, but definitely not something I would be caught dead in. I mean, imagine getting hit by a bus in these and the arriving paramedics at the scene have to see you in shoes that make you look like you skinned a poodle?
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Like I said, wouldn't want to be caught dead in these. The only person these shoes are fit for is Cruella de Vil... and we all know her fashion choices were rather questionable and would have had PETA banging down her door for justice.
[post_page_title]#2 I'd Like to Keep it On Please[/post_page_title]
Any Drag Race fans out there? Show of hands. Yep, I'm pretty proud of that caption, if I do say so myself.
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However, what I wouldn't be proud of is wearing this mask. The only reason you should be wearing this ugly thing is if you've forgotten the words to Ariana's "Greedy"...even if it is mostly a chorus of like three words.
[post_page_title]#3 This Bag[/post_page_title]
Ok, I'm a little torn by this one. It's actually really kind of cute. However, the reason that I put it on the list is that it's so not useful!
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I'm a writer, so immediately I'm like no, no, no... all my pens will fall out. But not just that. Imagine being a normal girl. Where are the tampons going to go? I'm sorry, but I can't have that kind of negativity in my fashion life.
[post_page_title]#4 Safety Bra[/post_page_title]
In solidarity with my big-boobed sisters out there, this is a no. Can you imagine being anything bigger than a double-A cup? You'd get arrested for indecent exposure trying to wear this out of the house.
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Plus what is up with the buckle? Is it functional or is it just decorative? Because if it's just decorative, we definitely don't want it.
[post_page_title]#5 What Even Is It?[/post_page_title]
At first, I thought it was chains. Then I thought it was bubble wrap. Then I gave up and just concluded that it was hideous.
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I mean, seriously. Even the hot model can't make this thing look good. You know that it's a lost cause when even the model can't save the garment.
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[post_page_title]#6 All Year Halloween Wear[/post_page_title]
If Halloween is your thing and you want to look like you're wearing a costume all year long, then, by all means, this is for you. But if not, then this outfit is going too far.
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It just makes you look either like Oogie Boogie - but like hot - or it makes you look like an abandoned baseball in a dog park that you find in the bushes.
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[post_page_title]#7 I Can't[/post_page_title]
I can't even. That's really all I can say about this look. I don't even know what it is. It's just like... a hamburger that you put on your head. Why?!
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ASOS, you definitely have gone too far with this one. You can't even call it "high fashion" anymore, it's just weird.
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[post_page_title]#8 A Felony in the Making[/post_page_title]
You know how your life can change in an instant? That is exactly what would happen if you wore these pants out in public and forgot to add the underpants.
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You'd definitely end up on a list... particularly if you live anywhere close to a park or school. Just saying. Don't buy these pants.
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[post_page_title]#9 Festive Socks or Stockings?[/post_page_title]
So, what is the purpose of these? Are they socks or stockings? Not that it would make much of a difference, they're still disgusting.
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I just want to satisfy my own curiosity. They look like something a kid would wear at Christmas time... and even then, I wouldn't let my child run around in these.
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[post_page_title]#10 Influencer Shorts[/post_page_title]
Influencers on Instagram love to flaunt their assets. Well, I just found the source of their jeans.
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This denim belt is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Plus, I would think that ASOS would have figured out by now that the 80s and 90s are over, we've moved past the denim on denim trend. Let it go.
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[post_page_title]#11 Male Crop Top[/post_page_title]
As an out and proud gay woman, the male form holds no interest to me. However, that is not why I'm condemning this male crop top. I'm just looking out for my straight girlfriends. With all those hairy dad bods out there, the male crop top is probably a bad idea... unless he's ripped.
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Oh, wait, you don't like what I'm saying? I should be more respectful of all body types... funny that. That is exactly what I've been saying, only it's women that are getting body shamed. So yeah, if you want to defend your dad bod then embrace women's extra curves, cellulite, and stretch marks. We're beautiful. But seriously though, that male crop top has got to go. It's stupid.
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[post_page_title]#12 Bake at 350 for 1 Hour[/post_page_title]
This one is a hard pass. If this look is what you're going for, it would be cheaper just to wrap yourself in aluminum foil.
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But seriously, please don't. You'll only end up looking like a potato that is ready for the oven. And everyone hates a baked potato.
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[post_page_title]#13 Denim on Denim[/post_page_title]
Can I get a hell no? Hell no! This atrocious look is all kinds of wrong. It's jeans and a skirt combined. On its own, maybe both could be incorporated into a cute outfit, but together it's just wrong.
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Why would anyone want to wear these things together? It looks like you ran out of room in your suitcase and had to get creative while going through security at the airport.
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[post_page_title]#14 This Rainbow Jacket[/post_page_title]
Does anyone remember "The Rainbow Fish" from when they were a kid? Well, now you can apparently dress up like the titular main character from the children's book.
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This is great as a pride or Halloween look, but there is little beyond that where it would be appropriate to wear this jacket. Just, no. Anyone older than 18 will look like an absolute tool walking down the street in this.
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[post_page_title]#15 His and Hers Curtain Editions[/post_page_title]
You know what I've always wanted to look like? My grandma's curtains from 1955. And what's more, I want bae to get in on the fun as well.
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Yeah, that's exactly what this outfit is screaming. Personally, it just makes me want to scream. Period.
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[post_page_title]#16 The Martians Have Landed[/post_page_title]
The little green men from Mars have finally made it to our planet. Oh, wait, no. It's just another terrible outfit, courtesy of ASOS.
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There is just too much shine going on. On the bright side, it's the perfect outfit to go storming Area 51 in. They definitely won't see you coming in this.
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[post_page_title]#17 Gentlemen, Start Your Engines[/post_page_title]
Drag Race fans know that Mama Ru loves her colorful suits when out of drag. And Ru definitely knows how to pull off those wild colors and prints. But only Ru can do that.
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This ASOS creation would look terrible on anyone else. The only person I can see this being acceptable on is RuPaul, but I don't think he'd ever wear this unless it was Klein Epstein and Parker.
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[post_page_title]#18 I Give Up[/post_page_title]
When I was like 15, I tried to make cut-off shorts from an old pair of jeans. I immediately regretted it, since I looked like I'd been attacked by a wild animal. Now if only I'd had some hardware on me, I could've fixed them.
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That is exactly what this looks like: trying to fix some cut-off shorts you didn't mean to make. And it's awful. I give up.
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[post_page_title]#19 Get Out[/post_page_title]
Can I just say that as a feminist, I find this highly offensive. If someone showed up at my door wearing this, I'd make them leave.
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It's not funny, it's crude. We live in a world where women are constantly being the target of body shaming and harassment, yet we have to contend with this s**t during the holidays too? Nope, get out.
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[post_page_title]#20 The Fascinating Fascinator[/post_page_title]
When I think holiday fascinator, I think something cute and sparkly. Instead, this looks like you stuck your five-year-old's holiday felt project on your head and called it macaroni.
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It's just terrible! Why would anyone want to wear that to Thanksgiving or anywhere really? Holiday season or not, it's just a big no-no.
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[post_page_title]#21 Raggedy Annie[/post_page_title]
You know what I really want to wear? Raggedy Ann's clothes, but make it fashion. Yeah, said no one ever.
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If you want to look like a sad voodoo doll then, by all means, go ahead and wear this, but just know, you're going to look ridiculous. Don't say I didn't warn you.
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[post_page_title]#22 You Don't Know Me[/post_page_title]
Can we please stop assuming that all women eat salads and love pink? Just, no. I don't eat "girly" salads, and I don't put my lunches into pink tote bags.
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I eat my lunch over the sink in my PJs like the savage-work-from-home-writer that I am. Can we please put that on a green tote bag instead? And today's lunch was homemade pumpkin gnocchi with a sage and brown butter sauce in case anyone was wondering.
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[post_page_title]#23 You've Got Quite a Tail[/post_page_title]
Remember when women wore hoop skirts for a fashion statement? They were got very cumbersome and often would catch on fire if a woman got too close to a fireplace. That's what these shorts remind me of.
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They look completely impractical and stupid. Unless it's Halloween don't wear it. Burn it instead.
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[post_page_title]#24 The Boob Harness[/post_page_title]
"If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all," we've all been told this as children. And it was a great lesson. For the most part, we hold our tongue before speaking.
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So listen up, I've got a new life lesson for some of you to learn. If you don't have anything nice to wear, just stay at home naked. It's better than going out in this free-flashing boob harness. I mean, what is even the point?
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[post_page_title]#25 A Christmas Ornament[/post_page_title]
Christmas ornaments are for decoration. They're not for toting around your lipstick and phone and wallet on a night out. In fact, I doubt any of them could even fit into this tiny little rat purse.
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Instead of using this for a bag, you'd be better off just hanging it on your Christmas tree. It's such a terribly impractical item to own.
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[post_page_title]#26 This Poo Bag[/post_page_title]
No. Just no. I can't say it enough. No. No. No. No. It's a bag that has poop on it! What are we, 12-year-old boys? There's nothing amusing about this bag. I would be so embarrassed to exit my house wearing that thing. There really is no need to even have that bag in existence. It's not cute or funny, it's a terrible idea.
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Also, can I just say, that if any of my friends got this for me as a gag gift I would question their mental stability. It is so bad. Just no. I'll say it again. No.
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[post_page_title]#27 This Scarf[/post_page_title]
Fur scarves shouldn't be a thing. I mean, poor little bunnies. But this scarf definitely shouldn't be a thing because it's so heinous looking.
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The colors are awful. The fact that it has got fur is even more awful. And to top it all off, can someone please explain to me why the fur on it is in balls? No, seriously, someone please explain to me how that makes the aesthetic better?
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[post_page_title]#28 Tiny Bathrobe[/post_page_title]
This looks like a bathrobe that shrunk in the wash. It should definitely not be worn out of the house as a jacket. It should just not be worn. Period.
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And I don't even want to ask with is up with the robe jacket hybrid in terms of what's on it. Is that like a decal of some kind? Is it supposed to be like giant rhinestones? Either way, whatever it is, is not an overall good look.
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[post_page_title]#29 Satan's Sandals[/post_page_title]
Ever wonder what Satan wears down in hell since it's so hot all the time? Well, here you go. These buckled, furry sandals look like something that you'd wear in the seventh circle because they're just that awful.
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It makes your foot look hooved. And I mean, fur, really? It's like you skinned a gorilla while you were trapped on a desert island. These are an absolute Hell no.
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[post_page_title]#30 Half a Jacket[/post_page_title]
All I can picture when I see this is David Attenborough narrating, "And the millennial molting season has begun. Soon, these near-homeless millennials will leave their summer beaches in search of their pumpkin spice lattes and avocado toasts." I'm a millennial myself, so it's not ageist when I say it.
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But seriously, this jacket is awful. But if you want to look ridiculous while you much on your avocado toast then, by all means, buy it.
