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Perez Hilton reportedly has only a fragmented memory of August 4, with the 48-year-old blogger only recalling being at his home in Miami’s Westchester neighborhood, followed by disturbing flashes involving blood and a serious injury.
His next clear memory is waking up in a hospital bed, covered in scars and unable to understand what had happened.
Two weeks later, more details of the incident are allegedly beginning to come back to him.
According to the Daily Mail, Hilton livestreamed himself using a knife to repeatedly injure his naked body while telling TikTok viewers that he wanted to die.
The broadcast reportedly continued for around 15 minutes before the platform removed it.
"It's really getting to him. Why did he go live? Why did he do it so publicly? That's the worst thing,” a source who has known Hilton for almost 20 years claimed.
The insider added: "He remembers being in the ambulance, the blood on the floor, a feeling of dread. That type of thing.
"But he doesn't remember the whole process yet of finding a knife, setting up the video, and going live. There are a lot of gaps in his memory."
When Hilton first regained consciousness, he reportedly believed he had been injured in a terrible accident.
Doctors allegedly waited several days before explaining that he had harmed himself dozens of times with a butcher knife while broadcasting the incident online.
Emergency responders took Hilton to the hospital, where he was detained under Florida’s Baker Act.
The law permits people experiencing a mental health crisis to be held temporarily and involuntarily for assessment and treatment.
Hilton has reportedly been without access to his phone or the internet since the incident. He could potentially remain under care for up to six months, according to earlier reporting.
"He was horrified and embarrassed," another source claimed.
The insider continued: "He decided to make his breakdown this huge spectacle. As bad as it is, it's a million times worse that he did it publicly like that. How do you even come back from that?"
Hilton is also said to be recovering physically after receiving "hundreds" of stitches.
Those close to Hilton are reportedly considering what his professional future could look like after his recovery.
One family friend suggested that his previous image as a harsh celebrity commentator may no longer be sustainable.
"I know for a fact that he's humiliated. Like 20 years ago, he made a big deal of Britney [Spears] shaving her head and acting crazy, and that pales in comparison," the friend said.
"He can no longer ever be snarky publicly. Not even a little bit. That part of his brand is gone. How could he possibly return to any sort of snark at all? That brand is done.
"He's been humbled a lot, and it will be interesting to see where he goes from here."
Hilton became widely known during the 2000s for his provocative gossip blog, which was once branded "Hollywood's most-hated website." In more recent years, the site has reportedly moved towards less controversial, more family-friendly material.
A source added: "There's no high ground there anymore. That door is closed to him.”
Hilton has three children, Mario, 13, Mia, 11, and Mayte, eight, who were born via surrogate. They were reportedly taken from his home by his sister when his mental health crisis became apparent.
His mother, Teresita Lavandeira, later filed for temporary legal custody. The request was granted, and the children are reportedly staying with her.
"They are doing fine, but they miss their dad," a source said.
The children are said to be receiving age-appropriate information about Hilton’s condition and support from relatives.
Earlier reports claimed that Hilton would require "psychiatric clearance" before seeing them.
