Passing gas is a natural bodily function, yet we always try to 'hold it in' while in public spaces. (Unless you're like, in a frat house.) Typically, if you break wind next to people, you feel embarrassed and apologize. Or, in the event the fart was "silent but violent," you try to surreptitiously flee the scene before anyone notices. (If you're feeling bold, another option is to quickly wrinkle your nose and blame the fragrant gas on someone else.)
However, one woman in Dania Beach, Florida ripped one in public, and felt no such embarrassment. The incident took place at a Dollar General Corner shop last Sunday afternoon. While waiting in the checkout line, 37-year-old Shanetta Yvette Wilson loudly passed gas. John Walker, a customer standing nearby, did not appreciate it. Walker complained about Wilson's rank flatulence, which led to a argument. Then Walker allegedly pulled a "lock back knife" out of her purse and threatened to "gut" him. (Anyone else not surprised this happened in Florida?)
Police officers were called to the scene, and arrested Wilson, whom Walker identified. The 37-year-old was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without the intent to kill. (The deadly weapon referring to her knife, not her toxic gas.) Wilson was taken to the Paul Rein Detention Facility, and her bail was set at $2,500. And yes, according to the Miami Herald, there is an official police report about all this. The Broward Sheriff’s Office complaint affidavit states that their argument was "in reference to the defendant farting loudly" and that Walker felt "in fear that he was going to be stabbed by the defendant."
This isn't the first time flatulence inspired violence. During a Transavia Airlines flight from Dubai to Amsterdam, one passenger wouldn't stop farting, much to the chagrin of two Dutch men nearby. (Despite being Dutch, they did not enjoy being part of a Dutch oven.) After exchanging angry words, the two parties got into a fist fight. The plane was forced to make an unscheduled landing in Vienna, where Austrian police boarded the plane, and removed the offending passengers from the flight.
Well, Shanetta Yvette Wilson, and anonymous butt trumpeter on the airplane, and everyone else who can't stop tooting their own horn, I've got fantastic news. You can now buy jeans that stop your farts smelling for only $130. They just look just like regular pants, but are equipped with a specially-designed "activated carbon back panel," which promises to "absorb all flatulence odours". Shreddies, a UK-based company, created the product, and claims that is so effective "it can filter odours 200 times the strength of the average flatus emission."
Sure, the pants are expensive, but you'll able to drop stinky whispers all day without anybody knowing. And who knows? They might save you from a fistfight, or getting stabbed.
