Beyoncé's ex-drummer claims she practices 'extreme witchcraft' and the internet loves it

Beyoncé's ex-drummer claims she practices 'extreme witchcraft' and the internet loves it

We all know Beyoncé's performances are magical, but have you ever considered that she might be a witch? That's what a former band member thinks. Seriously. Kimberly Thompson, Beyoncé's drummer for seven years, claims the singer practices "extreme witchcraft, dark magic" and casts "magic spells of sexual molestation."

According to bizarre court documents obtained by The Blast, Thompson claims Beyoncé "uses spells to run surveillance on her and control her finances." She also claims the Lemonade star killed her kitten, and is responsible for her unemployment and exhaustion. So, now Thompson has applied for a restraining order. It is not clear how restraining orders will protect her from dark magic, but hey, why not give it a shot, right?

It's not clear what led Thompson to believe Beyoncé practices the dark arts, but the internet loves it. Who runs the world? Witches.  If you like it then you better put a spell on it. To the left, to the left. Put your Necronomicon in the box to the left. You get the idea. The Beyhive always felt like a cult, didn't it? Here the best reactions.

They're ready to be sacrificed

Very ready

Hail She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named

They always knew

The signs were there

"So all my red bones get on the floor"

It's hypnotic

Right? She should use whatever Hermione used when they were camping in the Deathly Hallows


The stans have spoken

We surrender

A judge denied Thompson's request for a restraining order, possibly because her claims about witchcraft are insane. Or maybe Beyoncé used an Imperial Curse to control the judge's mind. Or maybe the judge was also in the Illuminati and no Unforgivable Curse was needed. Well, Yoncé, if you get tired of practicing witchcraft on Thompson, millions of your fans are waiting and ready.