Dax Shepard has revealed he has relapsed following 16 years of sobriety.
During Friday's episode (September 25) of his podcast, Armchair Expert, the actor initially recalled how he became addicted to painkillers after a motorcycle accident.
"So eight years into sobriety, I have not done a single shady thing. There was nothing gray," said the 45-year-old, before explaining that things quickly started to go wrong. "In 2012, my father was dying. He got diagnosed with cancer in August and then he died December 31st. I was going back [to the hospital] nonstop to do all the treatments with him and take him to get chemo and handle his hospital stuff."
Shepard said he then got in a motorcycle accident while he was heading to the set of "Parenthood."
"I immediately called my sponsor and I said, 'I'm in a ton of pain and I got to work all day, and we have friends that have Vicodin. And he said, 'Okay, you can take a couple Vicodin to get through the day at work but you have to go to the doctor, and you have to get a prescription and you have to have Kristen [Bell] dole out the prescription.'"
The Parenthood star said he followed the advice from his sponsor, and that there was "no problem" until he went to visit his dad. Since Bell wasn't going on the trip, Shepard didn't bring the painkillers, thinking he'd be "fine enough to go without them."
Shepard then spent time with his unwell father, and was given the responsibility to make sure his dad took Percocet.
"So I give him a bunch of Percocet and then I go, 'I have a prescription for this, and I was in a motorcycle accident, and I'm gonna take some too,'" Shepard said, adding that he "probably took twice of what my other prescription was."
"My dad and I sat in his living room and stared at the lake. We had so little in common and so much friction but the number one thing we had in common was that we were f*cking addicts. And we had never used anything together. We sat there stoned."
[[instagramwidget||https://www.instagram.com/p/CFkLDUfBY_v/]]
The following day, the actor started "panicking a bit" as he was worried he had relapsed.
"On the ride from the hospital home, I started crying and I say, 'I relapsed,'" Shepard recalled. "[Bell was] like, 'You clearly need to call someone in AA, but I would say you're f*cked up from this accident, you got high with your dad, keep it moving. You don't need to redefine it. You didn't lose eight years,' which was so comforting."
"So that was eight years ago. And now I have this experience where I did that, I felt bad, but there wasn't really any fallout from it."
"Then I get hurt again," Shepard continued. "Maybe I don't want to take them at night because I can't sleep when I take them, so when I get my two at night I don't actually eat them and I keep them for tomorrow morning so I can make it the dose I want it to be. That cycle happens maybe three or four more times. I feel shady, but I don't feel like this is a problem. I didn't desire more when the thing is over."
[[instagramwidget||https://www.instagram.com/p/CDMJBd1B0DD/]]
However, Shepard said it all began to escalate after he suffered "a ton of injuries" and underwent seven surgeries following a motorcycle accident earlier this year that left him with numerous broken bones.
"After I ride sometimes on the track I feel I'm entitled to take two Vicodin at the end of the day because I am in pain," he explained. "That again doesn't feel that crazy and then this last go around with the hand and then the shoulder started like six months ago. I'm getting shadier and shadier."
He then revealed that "for the last eight weeks" he's been "on them all day."
"I'm allowed to be on them at some dosage -- because I have a prescription -- but then I'm also augmenting that. And then all of the prescriptions run out."
While Shepard said it was "pretty manageable" at first, it led to him "taking eight 30s a day".
"And I know that's an amount that's going to result in a pretty bad withdrawal. And I start getting really scared, and I'm starting to feel really lonely. And I just have this enormous secret."
[[instagramwidget||https://www.instagram.com/p/CEFC-pChdH_/]]
After failing to slowly wean off the painkillers himself, Shepard told his friends and family that he had relapsed and asked them for help.
"For the first time in a very long time, [I] felt optimistic," he said on the episode, which was recorded on Monday, September 21, and marked one day since he had taken opiates.
Then, on Friday, the actor took to Instagram to promote the podcast episode, titled Day 7, and told his followers that he had been sober for 11 days.
"An episode I hoped I'd never have to record, but one I felt I owed to all the beautiful Armcheries who have been on this ride with me for the last couple years," he captioned the post. "This was Monday, say today is 11."