Meghan Trainor has just released the thirstiest press release ever
Meghan Trainor, best known for her song All About That Bass, has some new music on the way, which means its time to start drumming up some good publicity for the new music.
You can imagine that writing these kind of releases can be a little difficult, as you'd want inject a little personality to get people interested - but whoever wrote Trainor's latest took things completely off the rails.
Her new EP, The Love Train, is on its way, and so the press release is out in the wild. What no one expected, however, was that it was going to be entirely TMI, even bringing in her new husband, Daryl Sabara, into the mix.
If you cast your mind back 15-or-so years, you'll remember that Sabara was once in a hit movie series, as one of the stars of Spy Kids. Apparently, when the singer first met the actor as adults, she straight-up asked him, "excuse me, are you Spy Kid?"
Now, they're happily married, but now he's become the subject of the strangest, sexually-charged announcement of an EP that's likely ever been made public.
"Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and whether you’re planning on smashing bae’s junk to smithereens or making out with a pint of Phish Food, you need some fresh Valentine’s Day bops to get you in the mood for L♡VE. And MEGHAN TRAINOR has got you covered with her new EP, THE LOVE TRAIN.
"You know you want it. And you can freakin’ get it b*tch. On all digital platforms right HERE."
So far, we've got the phrase "smashing bae's junk to smithereens" in the first line, but somehow it only gets crazier from here...
"Meghan’s seducing your ears this V-Day, and you know she knows a thing or two about romance. Unless your phone’s been broken for a hot minute, you know that Meghan just got married to the ginger from Spy Kids, and trust when we say, girl is feeling the love."
Sorry Daryl, you're now "the ginger from Spy Kids," and that's only the start of it:
"We know you want to hear songs about all the hot newlywed sex Meghan and Daryl Sa-BAE-ra are having (did you see what we did there?). Which is why you’ll love the banging’ single “All The Ways.” Billboard was wet for “All The Ways,” calling it “another fun, danceable track to fall in love with.” And would Billboard lie to you, girl?"
Surely, none of us were thinking about all that "hot newlywed sex" these two were having, right? Well, whether you like or not, that's going to be in your head now. And there's even more cringe:
"But perhaps the piece de resistance (that’s French for “Wig Snatch”) is “Marry Me,” a romantic acoustic guitar and ukulele-tinged Awww Fest which delivers all the feels (and then more feels). Meghan wrote the song thirty days after meeting Daryl, and it was so good that she walked down the aisle to it. We know, it’s a little bit #Vomworthy, but also, am I chopping onions right now or are those tears rolling down my face? I’m not crying, you’re crying."
Twitter collectively freaked out over the press release:
This isn't even the entire thing, but the press release's best bits seem to shoe-horn in all the latest internet lingo to amp up the cringe. "Choo choo betch! The Love Train is leaving the station and you better get on board," the statement concludes, and I think I'm just about done for the day.