Will Smith has revealed that he wanted to "slay" his father after watching his mother being abused when he was a child.
People states that the 53-year-old actor shared the deeply personal details of his traumatic childhood in his new memoir, 'Will'.
The Men In Black star writes about one incident when he was a child in which he watched his father, William Carroll Smith Sr., attack his mother, Caroline Bright.
In excepts of the book, shared with People, Will details his complicated relationship with his father, explaining that although he was "violent" and "an alcoholic", Will Sr. also turned up to every one of his son's games, plays, and recitals.
"He listened to every record. He visited every studio. The same intense perfectionism that terrorized his family put food on the table every night of my life," Smith writes.
Detailing the one particular incident that left a long-lasting impression on the actor, Smith reveals:
"When I was nine years old, I watched my father punch my mother in the side of the head so hard that she collapsed. I saw her spit blood. That moment in that bedroom, probably more than any other moment in my life, has defined who I am."
The rapper-turned-actor writes how that one moment impacted his entire life and career, and that every accolade and movie role since then has "been a subtle string of apologies" to his mother for his "inaction that day".
Smith goes as far as to say he "failed" his mother in that moment for not standing up to his father - going as far as to call himself a "coward".
Decades later, Smith's father was diagnosed with cancer, which led to the actor caring for him. The actor then writes how, one night, he considered "avenging" his mother.
"One night, as I delicately wheeled him from his bedroom toward the bathroom, a darkness arose within me," Smith writes. "The path between the two rooms goes past the top of the stairs. As a child I'd always told myself that I would one day avenge my mother. That when I was big enough, when I was strong enough, when I was no longer a coward, I would slay him."
After considering "shoving" his father down the stairs, Smith says his resentment for receded and he decided against it.
If you need to talk to somebody about domestic violence, you can speak to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
