Holly Madison said she once considered suicide during a particularly difficult time in her relationship with Hugh Hefner.
The model, now 42, is opening up about her time living at the Playboy Mansion. She resided at the lavish property from the early 2000s until she and Hugh Hefner split in 2008.
Madison shared her insights in Secrets of Playboy; an A&E documentary that promises to unravel "the glamorous mythology behind the Playboy empire created over several decades".
The 10-part docuseries premiering on A&E on January 24, is set to lift the lid on the "dark underbelly" of Playboy and how its venues became a seedy playground for drug use, sexual abuse, and even bestiality.
The series delves into the hidden truths behind Playboy with exclusive interviews with insiders, including Hefner's ex-girlfriends Holly Madison and Theodore, as well as former 'Bunny Mother' PJ Masten.
In the docuseries, Madison revealed things got so bad that she even considered taking her own life.
"The drama between me and the other women became so bad. Like, imagine having sex with somebody in a room full of women who hate you and you know they're all talking s**t about you," she says in the docuseries.
According to Madison, the conflict between her and other women in the mansion caused her to become depressed.
"There was a point where I felt really low. Like I didn't feel like I had any options," Madison recalled of her relationship with Hefner, who died of natural causes in 2017 at the age of 91.
"There was a point in time, a couple years in, after we had gone out, and after we had all been in the bedroom, everybody was leaving and walking out, and I was in the bathtub, and I just wanted to drown myself," she added.
Madison went on: "I just felt like I was in this cycle of misery. And those feelings would never last long, but you have those moments, like, 'What did I gain from this experience?'"
Despite the struggle, she went on to reveal, however, that she "always had that faith" that "something" would make her experience at the Playboy mansion worthwhile.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out for help and contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741, or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources.
