Shia LaBeouf has opened up about the serious allegations against him for the first time.
Speaking to Jon Bernthal's Real Ones podcast on Friday, LaBeouf discussed shame, guilt, and hitting "rock bottom" - as well as saying that he has "cheat[ed] on every woman I've ever been with," and not informed his sexual partners about cold sores.
This candid discussion comes after his ex-girlfriend, singer FKA Twigs, went public with disturbing allegations against LaBeouf - including sexual battery, assault, and infliction of emotional distress, per VT.
Initially, LaBeouf denied all of FKA Twig's allegations against him, saying he did not cause her "any injury or loss," and that she was not "entitled to any relief or damages whatsoever," per the Independent.
Despite not naming FKA Twigs (whose real name is Tahliah Barnett) LaBeouf told Benthal: "I hurt that woman. And in the process of doing that, I hurt many other people, and many other people before that woman."
"I was a pleasure-seeking, selfish, self-centered, dishonest, inconsiderate, fearful human being," he continued, before stating: "I f***ed up bad. Like crash and burn type s***. I hurt a lot of people, and I'm fully aware of that. And I'm going to owe for the rest of my life."
Referring to what he sees for the future, LaBeouf stated that he hopes to be "useful," revealing: "When I think about what my life has become, and what it is now, like what my purpose is now… I need to be useful."
The Even Stevens actor also referred to the popularity of the #MeToo movement, stating that "not a whole lot of dudes" are taking accountability for their behavior against women.
It seems the actor, 36, has had a change of heart during the past few years, as he now seems to refer to FKA Twigs as a "saint" who "saved my life."
He continued: "Had she not intervened in my life and not created the avenue for me to experience ego death, I'd either have a really mediocre existence or I'd be dead in full."
The actor, who was raised with both Jewish and Christian traditions, has recently rediscovered his Catholic faith in the wake of the accusations.
Earlier this month, LaBeouf sat down with Bishop Barron on his Bishop Barron Presents series to discuss how his newfound faith has helped him.
"It was seeing other people who have sinned beyond anything I could ever conceptualize also being found in Christ that made me feel like, 'Oh, that gives me hope,' " he stated. "I started hearing experiences of other depraved people who had found their way — in this — and it made me feel like I had permission."
During the conversation, LaBeouf revealed that he had even contemplated suicide: "I had a gun on the table. I was outta here."
He continued: "I didn't want to be alive anymore when all this happened. Shame like I had never experienced before — the kind of shame that you forget how to breathe. You don't know where to go. You can't go outside and get like, a taco [...] But I was also in this deep desire to hold on."
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out for help and contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741, or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources.
