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Let’s be honest – it’s an awkward topic, but it’s also one that apparently sends thousands of people to hospital every single year.
Yes, we’re talking about objects getting stuck… where the sun doesn’t shine.
As much as people might insist it was a “total accident,” the numbers suggest this is far from rare. According to the American Journal of Emergency Medicine, between 2012 and 2021, around 38,948 people a year ended up in hospital after inserting a foreign object into their rectum.
If you’re wondering who’s most likely to turn up in the ER with this particular problem: the average patient age was 43, and about 78 percent were men. Make of that what you will.
And if you think doctors only see the odd misplaced sex toy, think again. Because the US government is – somehow – keeping receipts.
The US Consumer Product Safety Commission maintains an anonymous database logging emergency room visits and what caused them. Which means there is, quite literally, an official list of the things Americans have shown up to hospital with stuck up their backsides.
Journalists at Defector dug through the most recent 2024 data and, honestly, the results are equal parts baffling, horrifying, and darkly impressive.
Sure, sex toys feature heavily – including one 24-inch-long dildo, which probably raised a few eyebrows – but the real jaw-droppers are the everyday items no one ever asked to be part of this story.
Among the highlights:
Then there are the entries that come with explanations – which somehow make them worse. One patient arrived with beard clippers wrapped in plastic, claiming they were “feeling constipated for two days.” Another blamed boredom for a shampoo bottle, while someone else insisted theirs “slipped in the shower.”
Other notable appearances include a turkey baster, a plastic cleanser bottle full of liquid, lubricant and enema bottles, an aerosol can, a dental pick, a wine stopper, a highlighter, two pencils, and even a plastic coat hanger modified so the person could still drive themselves to the ER.
And yes, people have also tried to fix things themselves. Hospital staff documented cases involving pliers, tweezers, and improvised removal tools – all of which, unsurprisingly, made things worse.
There’s even a light bulb that was reportedly inserted glass-side first after being “sucked up” due to a “suction effect,” which is a sentence no one ever wants to hear in a medical setting.
By the end of the list – which includes vape pens, flashlights, batons, toothbrushes, and hair ties – one thing becomes very clear: curiosity, boredom, and bad ideas are a dangerous combination.
So yes, it’s awkward. But it’s also a reminder that doctors have truly seen it all – and that maybe, just maybe, some things are best not experimented with outside of their designated purpose.
