The Chinese company Sanwe makes a variety of medical equipment, including automatic sperm extractors, colposcopes, ultrasound scanners and - you're still thinking about about the automatic sperm extractors, aren't you? Well, get used to it! What you see, you cannot unsee.
Twitter user @AngryManTV shared video clips of the devices, which give a whole new meaning to hands-free technology. The machines feature a lubricated pipe that resembles a 'female organ' and simulates sexual intercourse, so you can tell your girlfriend you don't need her anymore. Supposedly, the devices were created to "help clinics collect semen from donors reluctant to masturbate in a hospital setting." Because sometimes you don't feel feel like wanking in a plastic cup, and you've just gotta stick your junk in a robot.
Sanwe's "SW-3701 Trolley Type Sperm Collector" can be purchased online for $4,999 to $5,999.00, in case you're looking for the perfect Father's Day present for the dad who has everything. According to the Alibaba listing, it "can simulate vaginal environment, and through massage, twitching, sucking, vibration, etc., act upon the human penis, which can make semen collection be fast and safe."
In addition to collecting semen, the device can do 'premature ejaculation desensitization training': "The strong currents impact and rub the glans penis repeatedly in order to reduce the excitability of nerve endings so as to passivate the nerve of glans penis, sulcus coronarius, and the surface of the penis, and regulate the sex nerve center in order to minimize nerve sensitivity, improve ejaculatory threshold to treat premature ejaculation." Sounds like a hoot!
According to The Sun, the bizarre machines were created in response to concerns over China's severe shortage of sperm donations. "Hospitals mostly use masturbation as their collection method without providing a venue or equipment," the machine's inventor Ding Guijiang told Reuters. The hands-on method makes some prospective donors uncomfortable, so maybe these lovely milking machines will lure them back to the clinic.
In response to the unforgettable footage, one Twitter user quipped, "If you build it, they will come." Another wondered, "I mean, does it put all the, er, 'output' together? Like a sperm smoothie or something?" A third noted, "I feel sorry for whoever has to clean those machines. Others drew comparisons to the Alien monster, animated penguins and the evil spaceship computer HAL from Stanley Kubrick's science fiction epic 2001.
Well, I know what I'm putting on my Christmas list!