Life is just chock-full of disappointment, rejection, failure and loss, so I think it's very natural as human beings that we hold on to every possible victory we can. It's why that fat, balding, 40-year-old divorcé insists on holding onto his high-school memories. It's why we go crazy for 90s nostalgia, or anything that reminds us of our happier past.
It's probably why Donald Trump keeps on mentioning his 2016 Presidential Election victory.
But as any therapist will tell you, there comes a point where holding tightly onto your past becomes a problem, especially once it starts to negatively affect your present, and even your future. With that in mind, I'll let you decide for yourself whether or not this Milwaukee man is right to hold onto this burger from 1987.
Keeping the hunk of meat and bread frozen in its wrapper and sealed in a Ziploc bag for maximum freshness, Rodney Waters says that he's not planning on eating the burger (which has been around longer than many people have been alive) any time soon, for some reason - instead holding out for an auction. Any... uh, takers?
So what's the deal with "Little Georgie" (yes, Waters did indeed name the zombie burger)? Why is this burger so important to Waters that he felt the need to immortalise it, going as far to have it notarised and checked for authenticity? He's... not insane, is he?
Well, probably not. Turns out, Little Georgie is the remaining relic from way back in the past - a time where George Webb restaurants gave out free burgers. It's a tradition that stretches all the way back to the 40s, when original owner George Webb predicted that the local Milwaukee baseball team (then the Braves, now the Brewers) would win 12 games in a row.
For some weird reason, the city then assumed that should the Brewers do so, George Webb would give them free burgers. Here's the problem, though: the Brewers kind of suck - they've made exactly one appearance at the World Series, in 1982. They did not win.
So, the only time they've won 12 games in row (and the only time Milwaukee's enjoyed free burgers) was in 1987.
But as we speak, the Brewers could be on the cusp of another 12-game streak - they face the LA Dodgers in the opening week of the season, and if they win, then Waters - and the rest of Milwaukee - will be entitled to another haul of free burgers.
"We're definitely making plans if they win Friday," said George Webb Vice President Ryan Stamm. "The wheels are in motion," he added, with more than 250,000 buns and 40,000 lbs of beef (don't even get me started on the mustard) being readied in anticipation of the victory.
Well, there you have it. It remains to be seen how much Rodney Waters will sell his 31-year-old burger for, but with any luck, by the time tomorrow rolls around, he'll have a new burger to freeze for a weird amount of time.
