Aleksey Shinder and Danielle Lamattina's love story is like something out of a fairytale. "I knew immediately, as soon as I saw her, that this was the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with. She was like gravity," Aleksey — who hails from New Jersey, US — tells VT.
Despite Danielle being from Melbourne, Australia, the pair were determined to make it work — and they have been in a long-distance relationship for nearly three years. This has had its challenges, but never so much as in the past year where they have been separated for 13 months amidst the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic.
Having to spend Christmas, three birthdays, and a health crisis without each other's support has taken a toll on their mental health — and 66 attempts at securing a travel exemption later, the couple's optimism has nearly run out.
In March of 2020, Danielle, 34, travelled to America to help Aleksey, 33, start the proceedings of moving permanently to Melbourne. A day after Danielle landed, Australia requested that all international travellers return home.
To limit the spread of the virus, foreign nationals who did not meet travel exemptions were barred from Australia from March 20th, 2020. Five days later, Australian citizens were prohibited from leaving unless an exemption had been granted.
The rules have not changed since then.
"Instead of two months together, planning a really exciting part of our lives, we spent two weeks calling airlines because every flight kept getting cancelled. It was tears, and tears, and tears," Aleksey recalls. "It was like somebody had just ripped my heart out. We'd always have a concrete date for the next trip. This time, she was leaving, and I had no idea when I'd see her next."
The ensuing 13 months has impacted the pair's mental health to the extent that Aleksey was diagnosed with depression and anxiety directly correlating to the separation. This was something that his doctor noted as evidence in their attempts to secure an exemption.
"I started seeing my hair thinning and falling out in the shower," he tells me. "I was eating maybe 600 calories a day. My stomach shrunk to a point where I had to force-feed myself in order to maintain a healthy caloric intake. Sleep was a non-factor. I would take CBD, melatonin, anything you can imagine, but nothing helped.
"I was flying at work last year. Now it's kind of like I'm forced to log in because I don't want to get fired," he continues. "I had to take a week off, because I physically couldn't get out of bed. I didn't know if I was going to make it, because I didn't want to wake up the next day."
Danielle, too, has suffered. "She'll go days without leaving her apartment. Two police officers actually showed up at her apartment for a mental health check. She's told me things that no partner wants to hear from their loved one. It's just stealing her soul... her personality, and I want more for her."
One of the couple's lowest moments came last week. Just before Aleksey celebrated his 33rd birthday, Danielle was rushed to the hospital after collapsing from severe abdominal pain. "To be blunt, I was f*cking terrified," he says. "I've never felt so helpless."
Following this, Aleksey appealed to the Australian Department of Home Affairs for the 66th time. All of their previous requests for an exemption — on grounds of being a defacto couple or on compassionate reasoning — have been denied. Authorities say that they have not provided enough evidence.
This latest appeal was also rejected.
Per the Australian Border Force, most attempts to get a travel exemption have been unsuccessful. Between March and mid-August, they received more than 104,000 requests to leave Australia. Only 34,300 exemptions were granted.
The frustration that Aleksey feels is palpable: "They don't care about the fact that we've provided dated photographs, call logs, and text logs over the past three years to prove our ongoing commitment to one another. We also have a joint bank account and lease together.
"I'm trying to explain that I don't want to go to Australia for a vacation. I'm vaccinated, and I'm looking to go there to start a family, get a job, and pay taxes. Isn't that worthy of some sort of consideration?
"Tens of thousands of binational couples and families have been trying to reunite for over a year, meanwhile, celebrities who have dough in their pockets can come in and out," he continues, referencing figures such as Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban and Danii Minogue, who sparked outrage in the country after they were permitted to come home to quarantine.
And now, given the news that Prime Minister Scott Morrison has said that the country is in "no hurry" to open its international borders, Aleksey and Danielle are worried about how they will take more bad news. "I'm not afraid as far as our relationship is concerned. I'm afraid about how Danielle and I will mentally react to it," he says.
"There are really bad days, and then there are average days, but there are no good days without your life partner."
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