Over the past few weeks, we've seen former flames, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, rekindle their spark through paparazzi pics of them hanging out in each other's cars, and smooching. It all but restored our faith in love — but where one celebrity couple rises, another falls.
At one point, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's relationship seemed untouchable — as one Vulture article chronicling their breakdown put it, they were, against all odds, "preternaturally well suited for each other". But seven years of marriage, and four kids later, Kim announced that she was filing for divorce, and things are now playing out publicly.
Earlier this month, the rapper quietly unfollowed his ex-wife and her family on Twitter — and thus, Kanye West finally became relatable.
I mean, who hasn't considered unfollowing their ex on social media? Sometimes it's just too painful to see thirst traps and Instagram Stories, where they seem to be perfectly fine without you.
So, in honour of breakups, we spoke to BACP Accredited psychotherapist, Kate Megase, about the pros and cons of unfollowing your ex on social media — because like Kanye, we've all been there.
"Sometimes, it's healthier to cut contact on social media, if an individual's struggling to move on," Megase tells VT. "Especially if the other person ended the relationship, because certain things may trigger them.
"For example, there's nothing worse than checking up on their social media and seeing that they've moved on, after they said that they didn't want a relationship. It can make the person think, 'Well, was I not good enough?'"
This kind of behaviour, she explains, can devolve into stalking — that is, repeatedly checking a former partner's social media accounts to see what they're up to, and who they're with. The psychotherapist classes this as "emotionally toxic" behaviour, which can take a toll on a person's mental health.
"When someone's been broken up with, they're going to have a lot of unanswered questions, and people often stalk their exes because they are looking for answers — but this isn't the right way to go about it. In fact, it can trigger issues with low self-esteem, and make them feel depressed about the fact that that person is 'having fun' while they're still dealing with emotional pain."
She continued: "It can become very unhealthy and addictive," Megase continues — warning that it can impact your future relationships.
"Imagine if a new partner finds out that you've been keeping a tag on your ex. They may feel like you still want that person in your life, or that you haven't fully let go and you're still in love with them. It can create trust issues within your current relationship. So, oftentimes, especially in newer things, it's best to let go of the past."
On the flip side, some people enjoy the fact that their ex can see them on social media — and can become obsessed with the idea that their former boyfriend or girlfriend can see them looking their best, or with a new partner.
This too can be unhealthy, as the person wants to show their ex what they're missing out on, but are doing so by presenting a "false sense of self" in terms of what's going on emotionally.
"If for example, you want your ex to see what you're doing, what's the motive? What is it that you want them to see? When it comes to social media, many people don't present a true sense of who they are – unless they're selling a product or a service.
"A lot of people use it for validation, so, the motive may be to get the person jealous, or to get revenge, especially if you were in a toxic relationship, where you had to prove that you were 'good enough' or 'attractive enough'."
Then, there's a big difference between unfollowing someone and blocking them. The psychotherapist recommends unfollowing and blocking someone if they pose a danger to you — or if they were emotionally or physically abusive in any way.
"I've worked with so many clients where the best thing to do is to block an ex because of the impact it's having on their emotional wellbeing," she explains.
"When you look at someone else's life, especially when you're not in a good place, you can start to think that your life is not so good, which triggers issues with self-esteem and inadequacy. Then, if you start to have a negative view of yourself, you can begin to look at the world in a negative way too."
So — bearing in mind all of this — are there any times where you can follow an ex in a healthy manner? Yes, Megase says, but it's a continual process of checking in with yourself.
"It's about being emotionally aware of how you will be triggered by looking at what your ex is doing on social media," she advises. "Ask yourself, 'When I keep a tag on my ex-partner, is it having a positive or negative impact?' It's about recognising how it's affecting you.
"Sure, you can re-follow and unblock an ex down the line if you're no longer emotionally triggered by them. It can actually be a way to prove to yourself that you've grown and healed — just make sure you're completely sure."
Well, Kanye, we're keeping an eye on who you're following from here on out...
