Barack Obama has offered a rare and deeply candid glimpse into the personal side of his life and his decades-long marriage to Michelle Obama.
Speaking at Hamilton College on April 3, the former US president admitted that he’s been working to mend his relationship after finding himself “in a deep deficit” with his wife of 32 years.
During a conversation with Hamilton College president Steven Tepper, Obama, 63, opened up about the personal cost of public life.
“Beyond that, look, I was in a deep deficit with my wife,” he said when asked what he’s been focused on lately, per The Independent. “So I have been trying to dig myself out of that hole by doing occasionally fun things.”
It’s a blunt acknowledgment of the toll his presidency — from 2009 to 2017 — took on his marriage. Obama admitted that even as an involved father, he didn’t fully comprehend the stress Michelle carried, especially under the intense public scrutiny of the White House.
And this is not the first time Obama has spoken out about the impact running the country had on his personal life.
“Let me just say this: It sure helps to be out of the White House and to have a little more time with her,” he told CBS Mornings in 2023. He also described Michelle as “forgiving” of his shortcomings.
Michelle, 61, has long been open about the complex dynamics of their marriage.
In a 2022 panel with Revolt TV, she revealed that there were “10 years” during which she “couldn’t stand” Barack.
“And for 10 years, while we’re trying to build our careers and, you know, worrying about school and who’s doing what, I was like, ‘Ugh, this isn’t even,’” she said. “And guess what? Marriage isn’t 50/50 — ever. There’s sometimes I’m 70, he’s 30, but guess what? We’ve been married 30. I would take 10 bad years over 30.”
She emphasized that their struggles were rooted in the natural imbalance that comes when one partner’s career — in this case, Barack’s political ascent — dominates the relationship. “That’s when all the measuring starts,” she said. “You turn that ire on each other.”
Despite the rawness of their admissions, both Obamas remain committed.
On Valentine’s Day this year, Barack posted a heartfelt message to Michelle on X (formerly Twitter): “Thirty-two years together and you still take my breath away.”
Still, speculation about a rift in their marriage has persisted. Barack’s solo appearances at high-profile political events — including former President Jimmy Carter’s funeral and Donald Trump’s 2025 inauguration — sparked rumors of a looming divorce.
Insiders close to the couple dismissed the chatter, explaining that Michelle simply has no interest in returning to Washington’s political circuit. “They don’t pretend that they have this Camelot relationship,” one source told Page Six. “They’re not trying to present that they’re this magical couple.”
Michelle has addressed that reality as well, urging people to be realistic about long-term commitment.
“Marriage is hard, and a lot of young people quit on marriage over things that are just a part of the commitment,” she previous told CBS News in April 2023.
And in a December 2022 interview, she emphasized that to make a marriage work, it’s essential to “know your person” and “like” who they are, even during difficult times. “I mean, you could be mad at him, but do you still look at him and go: ‘I’m not happy with you, but I respect you. I don’t agree with you, but you’re still a kind, smart person.’”