If there's one subject that economists can't seem to stop talking about, it's Bitcoin. After a sudden drop in value, it seemed that the financial fad might blow over. But it appears as though the opposite has happened. First invented back in 2009 and released as open-source software by an anonymous group or individual going by the moniker "Satoshi Nakamoto", it's easy to see why Bitcoin has taken off the way it has on the internet, where peer-to-peer sharing and digital transfers make it easy to understand and use.
In layman's terms, the word "Bitcoin" refers to interchangeable online tokens; random sequences of numbers and letters which humans, called "miners", attempt to guess the value of, using complex computer programs. When a miner eventually guesses the sequence correctly, (and everyone can see for themselves that they guessed right), then they receive that Bitcoin and know how much it is worth.
Real world money is mostly generated through transactions: after all, it's easier to buy Bitcoin from people who already solved the puzzles, rather than mine it yourself. Once it's bought, you can use the sequence to store money or share it with friends and family. Miners mine these sequences until they have 50 Bitcoin, which is called a "block". Blocks are collectively referred to as "blockchains", which contain the entire history of every transaction which has occurred in the Bitcoin network.
Currently, the reason Bitcoin is so profitable is that huge bidding wars are breaking out for certain blocks, which means that the value of Bitcoin can fluctuate wildly in a short space of time. In theory, one could avoid the whole process of bidding and mine Bitcoin, but it would take a long time and a vast amount of manpower. Who would sit and mine Bitcoin for someone for free? Well, a woman named Theodora has worked out a way to amass a gigantic Bitcoin fortune at no personal expense, by mobilising a vast voluntary army of slaves. What's her secret? I'll tell you: Theodora is a dominatrix, and in her line of work, consensual slavery is all just part of the game. Pretty smart way to make a million dollars, right?
Theodora, who boasts over 1,200 followers on Twitter, is a professional dominatrix who specialises in psychological domination. Rather than relying on whips, gags and hot wax, Theodora prefers to humiliate and debase her willing clients by getting inside their heads, employing subtle methods such as hypnosis and, in this instance, financial domination. Yes, it sounds like a pretty expensive kink, but some people get a strong sexual thrill out of becoming voluntary victims of blackmail and extortion, putting their own money, bank accounts and credit cards in the hands of a willing dom for the sake of erotic gratification. Using Twitter, Theodora was able to convince hundreds of her randy drones into becoming Bitcoin miners and they gleefully worked away to make her a fortune.
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In a recent interview with MarketWatch, the articulate Theodora explained that: "It's a form of psychological domination where money is the tool for the transfer of power. It’s quite common for powerful men like politicians or CEOs to look for a form of sexual release by submitting to a woman - they are in control all the time during the day - and giving up control financially is a more tangible instrument of power for them ... I take donations and also have people mining for me. I take a lot of geek clients who like new technology and they were really excited when I taught them how to build a mining rig for me so they could mine 24/7 from their home."
She added: "I have seven or eight different currencies - I see it a bit like play money and try to adjust to which is growing the most. If you anticipate growth, that’s where it will become interesting. Everyone is now interested in Bitcoin because the growth has been exponential. Soon it will be too high for individuals to invest in, so you have to invest in others. I think it’s smart to have diverse portfolios of currency ... Bitcoin could crash in two days, you don’t know what’s going to happen, so if you have enough to invest in smaller currency you should. For me, it’s play money. You have to bet on several currencies to see what will happen, and if it’s your main source of income you have to be smart with it."
Indeed, because most of her clients are high-powered businessmen, Theodora has managed to develop a pretty impressive sense of financial acumen and watches the market like a true Wall Street broker. Theodora is now convinced that the growth of Bitcoin has been so exponential that it will soon become too expensive for individuals to invest in, and that the end of net neutrality might mean that Bitcoin is too closely regulated to profit from successfully.
Theodora is also careful not to push her clients straight into bankruptcy and claims that she has to very carefully budget how much money she takes away from them and how long her miners spend working for her. I suppose you could argue that she's being compassionate, but I think it's probably just her good business sense shining through again. After all, you can shear a sheep as many times as you like, but you can only skin it once; so pushing a client too far, or demanding too much, could lead to them becoming completely broke.
Now, some of you out there might assume that this is easy money and that it's high time you quit your day job, invested in an all-leather wardrobe, and got to work forcing fetishists to get cracking. Personally, I don't think that Bitcoin is stable enough for me to sink my career over it. Sure, you get occasional success stories like this one, but far more failures. Over Christmas, my own uncle had been left completely depressed after losing a huge sum of money over Bitcoin. So I think I'll stick to making cash the old-fashioned way. Besides, bits and blocks aren't really my bag, and neither are wax and whips.
