We've heard it time and time again... Relationships are
work.
This realisation, however, tends to take quite a while to set in. When you're in the honeymoon period, you're pretty much impervious to your partner's flaws; to you, not only are all of their eccentricities endlessly endearing, but you're also wholly unable to believe that they are anything but a perfect ray of sunshine.
But however wonderful the honeymoon period may be, the true test of whether you're meant to be together only occurs when the initial days of the relationship are over. This is mainly because it's the time when you get to really understand the other person; in all of their irritating traits and lapses of reason and judgement.
And yes, while relationships end because of toxic behaviour and things such as cheating, in many cases, they fail on account of someone that is unconsciously sabotaging it. So if you keep striking out in the love department, or can't seem to turn your flings into long-term commitments, it may be because you're doing these 10 things that can spell disaster:
Sure, it's hard to forgive or forget, but you've at least got to do one of them for the sake of your relationship. How are you supposed to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship if you can't forget the one time that your partner was a little insensitive?
We're human, we make mistakes and you need to get over it.
2. You gaslight your partner
There's nothing worse than being made to feel as if you're losing your mind. If you consistently chalk your partner's problems up to "being crazy" and rolling your eyes, you're not taking the time to listen and understand them. It's an easy, but hurtful way out.
3. You're easily paranoid
If you're constantly worrying about where your significant other is and what they're up to, chances are you're alienating them and they'll inevitably end up feeling controlled. Further, it makes you look suspicious which isn't exactly a beguiling trait.
If you're a perfectionist in your day to day life, you're likely a perfectionist in your relationships also. So when you keep thinking about all of the things that your significant other is lacking, not only will you never be happy but you're also resigning yourself to something of a lonely existence - because no one likes a Debbie Downer.
5. You compare your significant other to your ex
It's never a good idea to compare people, but when you find yourself tallying up your current partner's strengths and weaknesses against your ex's, it means that you're not all that satisfied in your current relationship.
6. You take everything too personally
If you're taking everything personally, chances are you're making things about yourself. A healthy relationship should be a symbiotic give-and-take, where both parties feel valued and respected.
If you can't even do the simple things, it shows that you don't have respect for your partner's time. Simple things like being on time, calling and texting are integral to maintaining a relationship where both people feel respected. And if you accuse your significant other of behaving "crazy" when they kick up a fuss about you being half an hour late to your dinner date, you're only making it worse because you're failing to acknowledge something that's important to your partner.
8. You bring up the past constantly
It's only natural for things to change once you're out of the honeymoon period, but if you're constantly bringing up memories of when you first met, it shows that you're not living in the present and are uninterested in the future of the relationship.
9. You use the silent treatment
Yes, we've heard it before, but communication really is key. The only way you can resolve issues is by talking them out, not by trying to teach your partner a "lesson".
While it's easy to justify white lies as innocent, trust is so integral in a relationship that you just can't risk compromising it, at all.
Well, there you have it. Chances are we've all fallen victim to doing one or more of these self-destructive things, but the more you know, eh?
