At some point in our lives, we’re all going to have to contend with our emotional state not quite being in tip-top shape. In the United Kingdom, it’s estimated that
25 percent of people will experience some kind of mental health problem, while in
any given week, one in six people experience anxiety, depression, or some other form of emotional distress.
When it comes to the younger ones, the numbers are just as worrying, and in ways, more difficult to deal with. YoungMinds are a charity fighting for the mental health of children, teenagers and young adults.
They estimate that in the UK alone, there are around 850,000 young people who have a diagnosable mental health problems, as the growing pains of life begin to take their toll. I have personally struggled with my mental health in the past, but if it’s not you, then might be someone close to you who is attempting to hold it all together.
Having a loved one with mental health issues can also be hard, and although you’d do anything to try and help out, there are some phrases that it's best you avoid. Here are just a few things you say to someone struggling with mental health that really don’t help as much as you’d think.
1. “Why don’t you just do this?”
To an innocent bystander or the uninitiated, mental health problems can at times seem easy to solve. Your friend drinking in the dark after a bad breakup just needs to get out there and meet people. After a near-death experience, your partner needs to stop feeling paranoid by realising they’re not in any danger. You might be right, but don’t be surprised if your advice doesn’t help one iota, because it’s just not that simple. When someone is struggling with their mental health, even the most basic of things things can be extremely difficult and it doesn’t always help to point out seemingly ‘simple’ solutions. If someone is struggling, the best thing to do is let them know you’re there for them and encourage them to get help.
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2. “Where did you get that scar?”
When in the middle of a mental health crisis, some people might start to self-harm. If you start to notice some marks, alongside slight behaviour changes and other worrying signs, it’s a good idea to check in to see if that person is OK. But please don’t point out new scars in public. If someone is in a bad place and has started to self-harm, it can be embarrassing or distressing to bring it up in public discussion.
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3. “You look fine”
Mental health problems can affect anyone at any time. It’s easy to assume we can identify someone struggling with their mental health just by looking at them, but that’s just not the case. To that end, if someone you care about opens up to you about something they’re struggling with, resist the temptation to tell them that because they don’t mope around all day with a face like thunder, softly crooning Johnny Cash’s Hurt to themselves, they’re not actually depressed. A mental health problem is a beast with many faces, and sometimes, your friend smiling and laughing is their way of coping. Don’t interpret this as a sign they’re over their issues, or that their problems can in any way be dismissed.
4. “Have you tried [insert ridiculous homeopathy solution here]?”
Although it’s not always easy to put yourself in the shoes of someone living with OCD, depression or anxiety, there are some attempts to empathize that are more helpful than others. I can tell you from experience about people who have recommended a certain herb or supplement to me, based upon the time where they felt really sad for a while. “Best of all, it’s only £4.99 at Holland and Barrett!" I hate to say it, people, but the situation might be more nuanced than simply ingesting the right kind of plant life. While different things work for different people, if you’re struggling with your mental health, it’s important that you reach out to your GP.
5. “It’s your choice”
Sometimes, it can be really, really difficult to live with or love someone who’s struggling with their mental health. They don’t always respond to things in the way that you’d like them to, and with their mood inconsistent or consistently low, it can be easy to get frustrated. That’s natural, and it’s okay. What isn’t okay, however, is to imply that your friend, sibling or loved one is doing what they’re doing on purpose. First off: no. No they are not. Nobody struggling with their mental health is having suicidal thoughts for attention. Secondly, by telling them their actions are theirs alone, you might as well be saying: “I give up. You’re on your own.” Needless to say, the last thing your loved one needs to feel is like they’ve been abandoned.
6. “Just be positive”
Hold on! This isn’t to say that positive thinking isn’t useful for overcoming mental issues, or that you should allow your friend’s negative self-talk to take root. But when you’re in the middle of an anxious or depressive episode, it’s not always easy or possible to control where your mind goes in a situation. Put it this way: no matter what your loved one has been through in their life, the chances are that they’ve tried “thinking positively” or “being happy” in the past. If it were that simple, then we would’ve cured mental illness a long time ago.
Well, everyone, there you have it. If you’ve got someone out there who’s struggling with their mental health, very often the best thing to do is to attempt to listen to and understand their problems, no matter how obvious you think the solution is, or how difficult it is for you to hear.
And while it’s good to think about what you say, don’t worry too much: the main thing is just to do your best to help them. Always remember: when you’re there for somebody and you feel like you’re not making a difference, it doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate what you do.
This article was written in collaboration with Young Minds - a charity helping thousands of young people around the United Kingdom to cope with emotional distress. To find out more, please click on the following link:
http://bit.ly/LookAfterYourself 
