The cornerstone of pretty much any romantic comedy is the Hail Mary; the grand-scale romantic gesture. At the end of the second act when the romantic costar has left our protagonist in somewhat of a dark night of the soul, perhaps the only solution is to go all-out to prove our love.
Think John Cusack and his boombox in Say Anything. Think Love, Actually with Andrew Lincoln and his "to me, you are perfect" placards. I try to follow in the footsteps of these massive romantic gestures with every woman I've ever been in love with.
Perhaps that's why I'm single.
In reality, expressing love with a sweeping romantic gesture like running through a crowded airport or crashing a wedding is awkward and ineffective at best, and at worst a surefire way to get on several no-fly lists. Love is about the little things; if you want to show your partner that you care, forget about the giant teddy bear and the Michael Bolton karaoke. Do these instead.
1. Instead of texting them, call them on the phone once in a while
This sounds pretty simple, doesn't it? I know that in this day and age, only telemarketers and your grandma actually take the time to call someone with their voice, but you'd be surprised as to how happy it'll make your partner just to hear your voice. Tell them about something funny that happened, or if you like, what you had for lunch today. It may sound mundane, but for any loving relationship, it will be magic.
2. Plan ahead of time so you don't have to argue about what to do together
Couples arguing about where to go for dinner or what movie to see will account for approximately 45 percent of their time together, according to statistics I totally made up on the spot just now. Sometimes, it's important just to make a plan for your special person and decide ahead of time to go somewhere that they'll love. That way, you can spend more time doing what's important; eating copious amounts of food together.
3. Do the dishes, or another chore you know your significant other hates doing
There's nothing worse than coming home after a long, hard day at work to find the house upside-down. Not only do you have to dedicate time to cleaning up (ruining your evening), you also have to go through the mental torture of cleaning up a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom or living room. I don't know about you, but for me, my beloved taking the time to pre-empt me on a chore is one of the most loving things that they can do. Perhaps that's why I keep falling in love with the lady that cleans my home.
4. Offer them the last bite of food
I know, I know. Food is love, food is life. No relationship in the world will hold a candle to a good pepperoni pizza or meal from McDonald's. But then again, this is your partner. What better way to show them how much you love them by offering the last bite of your most eternal love? Offer them the last slice of pizza, or the last Reese's Peanut Butter Cup in the packet. And resist the temptation to snatch it out of their hand as they enjoy your loving romantic gesture.
5. Bring them back a souvenir from wherever you go away
Sometimes, going on holiday together is one of the most romantic things a couple can do together. It's not always possible, though; maybe you've got a business trip or maybe other calendar commitments mean that you're separated from your partner for days at a time. On your way back, your partner will love it if you bring them a little gift that says "you may have been away from me physically, but you never left my heart". A little postcard, a keyring; it doesn't have to be much. It's the thought that counts. Try to avoid smuggling live animals back as souvenirs, for many legal, ethical and logistical reasons.
6. Bring them their morning coffee to them in bed
Waking up in the morning can be so difficult. When your alarm goes off in the morning, you just want to turn over and go back to sleep, but a great thing to do for your partner is to help them face the day ahead. Wake up a couple of minutes beforehand, sneak to the kitchen, and bring them a nice cup of joe as a surprise. Note: be careful when handing them the mug. Spilling fresh coffee on your partner is decidedly less appreciated.
This one's a little left-field, but when you think about it, it kind of makes sense. You spend so much (probably too much) of your time browsing the web for the dankest memes, and when you find that gif or image macro, you can put a smile on your beloved's face without even having to leave Facebook. You could even tag them in this article! Just kidding. Don't do that.
8. Introduce them to a family recipe
This kills two birds with one romantic stone; not only are you introducing them into an intimate family secret, but you're doing so by appealing to the most important part of any relationship: food. This will probably work a lot better if you or your family can cook, but if you're like me, you can introduce them to Kellogg's Corn Flakes or buttered toast instead. Be sure to have a fire extinguisher handy for that pesky toaster.
Well, there you have it, folks. Armed with this information, not only will your relationship become much more loving, but if you do it right, you might even save up some goodwill for when you inevitably screw the pooch once again. Either way, I hope that you go out of your way to make sure your relationship is as good as it can be. Good luck!
