1. It's always as easy as it looks in the films
If you watch a movie with a sex scene (blue or otherwise), you'll notice that there's almost never a hitch in getting started with the act. Unfortunately, that isn't true. There's normally a little bit of fumbling going on, and even the odd bit of verbal communication about which bits should go where.
2. What's enjoyable for him is always enjoyable for her
Yeah. It's not.
3. Real boobs are perfectly round
Wrong. Also, boobs out of bras look completely different to boobs in bras. Oh, and they're sometimes a different size and/or shape to one another. Sorry to break it to you guys, but the laws of nature and gravity mean that most natural racks don't look like two symmetrical little domes.
4. It's always a very vocal experience
Some people are loud, some people aren't. But the amount of noise someone makes isn't necessarily a marker for how good the experience is. Some people go OTT in the vocal department in order to cover up how much they're actually not enjoying it, and others will stay almost silent because of how much they are.
5. Everything must be shaved
Sorry boys, this is another porn thing. Downstairs areas are naturally hairy, and if a woman wants to keep some or all of that hair, she's well within her prerogative to do so. And if you try to tell her otherwise, just go ahead and try shaving your own parts first in order to see how much maintenance (and itchiness) it leads to.
6. Bigger = better
When it comes to women choosing the optimum size of their male counterpart's part, there's a whole load of variation. Some like 'em big, some like 'em small. Some don't like them at all.
7. You always have to switch positions
This is another adult film trope that somehow made its way into real life. You really don't have to switch from one position to another every three minutes. If something feels good, just keep going.
8. Sex finishes when he does
So you reached the big O - congratulations! But what about your partner? Are they satisfied? Oh, and you can't forget about the post-coital clean-up. And please, for the love of not getting a UTI, make sure you pee after doing the deed.