Agony Uncles3 min(s) read
AGONY UNCLES: 'Am I the a**hole for getting mad at my partner for eating my food?'
We're the VT Agony Uncles; providers of the most unhelpful advice for the Internet's most ridiculous problems.
Before we get into the festivities, let me bat away the usual questions with as much panache and aplomb as I can muster having not left the house for 14 days.
Am I a doctor? No, I am not a doctor - but I do have an encyclopedic knowledge of Web MD due to an entirely misspent and worry-fuelled youth. However, in a devastating update, I have learned in the week since we last did one of these that there's already a famous Dr Christian. Frankly, I'm crushed.
Am I a qualified life coach? No, and if I'm going to be really honest, I've never even posted a motivational quote on Instagram. I haven't lived.
Right ok, but you've had some rich life experiences that might lead you to give informed, valuable advice, right? If sitting in the same spot in your flat, panicking and eating porridge counts as a rich life experience then yes, I'm the man for the job.
Let's begin.
This week we bring you a tale of fire and fury that most couples will have lived through at some point.
Yes, reader, in lieu of more serious matters and with a twinkle in my eye, I'm here to tackle the sensitive subject of sharing food in a relationship. Or perhaps more accurately, what happens when one nefarious spouse decides to pilfer food from his unsuspecting partner.
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Sound dramatic?
That's because IT IS. That's right, it's the big one, the age old debate, the true line in the sand of any relationship:
Our tale starts thus;
"Myself (25f) and my partner (27m) have been together for four years and we've been living together for the past six months. We have a two bedroom apartment and we work together great with keeping it clean and we've split the household chores pretty evenly. We agreed on him and I each cooking three days a week and one day would either be leftovers or takeout."
So far, domestic bliss. Chores are shared, cooking is split evenly. What could possibly go wrong? You must be thinking...
However, our poster goes on to explain that she's recently been trying to eat more healthily and workout more. She explains that she's tried to accommodate her partner in her meal prep ahead of time by asking if he's interested in the healthy options she's cooking, but that he mostly shoots them down and makes his own food, which has lead to both of them cooking separately.
She continues;
"My issue is that I will prep enough food for me to eat for two days and while i'm still eating my dinner my partner will go into the kitchen when he's done his meal and start eating and picking at my leftovers. If i make six chicken meat balls i'll eat three in one sitting leaving three for tomorrow and he'll eat one and a half when i'm not looking so I have to prep and cook again the next time. It's really frustrating. I'm a slow eater and i'll leave my food sometimes for five minutes and start eating again after a breather and if I leave the room he'll sneakily eat half of what's left. He eats bits and pieces of my take out in the fridge. He'll even lick my unfinished sauce from my plate when i'm done which bothers me too. I've explained myself to him that he's making more work for me so if he wants to eat my meals i'll prep more and he says no he doesn't like my food and I don't need to. I feel like i'm living with a wild seagull in my home and I constantly need to guard and protect my food."
Now, dear reader, I'm afraid a sacred boundary has been breached here in my humble opinion. You do not steal food - spouse or otherwise - off someone else's plate. You're not a gannet, you're a human being!
But wait, because our food fight isn't over yet.
"Last night I snapped at him when I saw him in the kitchen ready to eat my leftovers when he was done his meal. I told him it's really disrespectful he keeps thinking he can help himself to my food knowing I have to cook more because he wants to sample what he says he doesn't like. He called me territorial and told me i'm incapable of sharing and now we're avoiding each other. AITA?"
OUR VERDICT:
Let's be honest, this one is as cut and dry as it gets. You're trying to live a healthier life by prepping nutritious meals. Your partner doesn't want to get on board with the new health regime - fine: that's his prerogative. However, that doesn't give him the right to pick away at your plate like a particularly iniquitous version of Mr Tickle.
Now, it's a trying time for all of us at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can just abandon the rules of society and run rampant over each other's plates of food willy nilly. What's more, one recent study said that men require four months of dating before they're happy to share food with a partner. It seems to be that a serious conversation is needed to get to the meat of the matter. Maybe you could even get a mutual friend to mediate over FaceTime. These are mad times we're living in, friends.