When you flirt with a stranger, you might hold back certain details. For example, you might not mention that you live in a sublet with seven cats, or that you work full-time as Goofy at Disneyland, or that you have a huge tattoo of Bill Cosby on your back. (Hey, he wasn't controversial at the time!) Instead, you might talk about your passions, or ask the stranger questions, or even adopt a different persona. And why not? We play different versions of ourselves, depending on who we're hanging out with.
Well, it turns out celebrities aren't too different from us regular unattractive poor people.
Brad Pitt and
Angelina Jolie got divorced in 2016, proving once for all that love doesn't exist. Instead of getting back together with
Jennifer Aniston LIKE HE SHOULD, Brad has been enjoying the single life - mostly by dating women half his age. The 54-year-old actor has been spotted "enjoying late nights"
with Jennifer Lawrence, and he reportedly
dated the 21-year-old actress who played the teenage version of Angelina Jolie in Maleficent. Hey, the heart wants what it wants.
So, how does People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Of The Year" in 2000 pick up the ladies in 2018? I assume he just walks down the street and women flock to him likes moths to flame. However, we've gotten a sneak peak into his seduction tactics, courtesy of an anonymous report to Page Six. And if you can't trust an anonymous report to Page Six, you can't trust anything. Every other publication is "fake news."
According to Page Six, an observer at Coffee Commissary in Los Angeles spotted Brad picking up a woman who "looked like Kate Bosworth, but it wasn't her." Not-Kate introduced herself as "Lydia," at which point Brad "put out his hand and said, "Hi, I’m William." That's right, William, which is his real first name. And hey, who can blame him? William is the name of a serious man, a brilliant artist, a poet with passionate thoughts about life. Brad is the name of a stupid frat boy with a closet full of polo shirts whose biggest accomplishment is burping the alphabet.
After Brad - I mean,
William - introduced himself, Lydia said, "Oh, you look like a Bradley." William replied, "Well, that’s my middle name," and "smiled and winked at her." I don't know about, but I just learned a valuable lesson about flirting: If you look like Brad Pitt, you can say anything, and people will think you're witty.
Their scintillating banter made the Algonquin Round Table look like The Gathering of the Juggalos, but alas, the conversation couldn't go on forever. In parting, Lydia said, "Nice to meet you, Bradley...I mean William." Then Bradley - I mean,
William - "laughed to himself, [and] got on his bike." Will they ever see each other again? Who knows? It depends on how much Lydia looks like Angelina Jolie.
Good luck on the singles market, William!
