If you thought Golden Globes’ host Nikki Glaser’s opening monologue was gasp-inducing (she said Sean Penn was turning into a sexy leather handbag), just wait until you hear the jokes that got cut.
In case you missed it, on Sunday, January 11, Hollywood’s great and good turned out for the Golden Globes to celebrate TV, film and comedy. The spectacle is known for being a touch more fun than other award ceremonies as the attendees often expect to be lovingly mocked.
Following her stellar performance, Glaser appeared on The Howard Stern Show where she spilled on the savage material she had lined up for the 2026 ceremony, including one aimed squarely at Sydney Sweeney
"Tonight is a night of celebration but we can’t ignore that it’s a weird time in Hollywood,” Glaser began, recalling one joke she ultimately scrapped.
“People just aren’t going to the theater to see things. If you don’t believe me, there was a movie this year where Sydney Sweeney played a lesbian who just bounced around in tiny shorts for two hours and it made $14.”
The line was a reference to Christy, Sweeney’s biopic about boxer Christy Martin, which ultimately flew under the radar at the box office despite the actress undergoing a dramatic physical transformation for the role.
Sweeney wasn’t in the audience so Glaser decided against it, but the Euphoria star wasn’t the only celebrity spared. Nikki revealed she had ammo ready for a whole list of A-listers if they had ended up attending, like Brad Pitt.
Nikki said that had Brad been in the room, and nominated for his role in racing drama F1, she would’ve gone in hard on Hollywood’s age double standard. According to the comedian, she wanted to say: “When a man turns 60, he gets to play a race car driver. Meanwhile, after 35, every role for a woman is a tired mom who hates her life.”
And she didn’t stop there.
“Brad, you were so good enough when I was almost convinced that you’ve driven yourself somewhere in the last 30 years. But Brad did a lot of his own driving in the movie. And Brad, I don’t want to embarrass you, but your blinker was on the whole time.”
In addition to the “sexy leather handbag” quip she aimed at Sean Penn, she and her team had also written: “Sean Penn is nominated tonight. I’m assuming for best neck veins?”, and: “Two of the hardest working actors in Hollywood are here tonight: Sean Penn’s lower eyelids.”
However, even Glaser says she has her limits. She explained: “This was the joke I had written about [Julia Roberts] where I literally thought I was going to be tarred and feathered after the show,” she admitted.
“Julia Roberts is nominated for ‘After the Hunt.’ I don’t know what it’s about, but I’m assuming the hunt was to find someone who’s seen it.”
Bow down to Nikki, hopefully she’ll be back hosting next year.