Celebrity3 min(s) read
Published 15:58 16 Dec 2021 GMT
Holly Madison has recalled the very first time she had sex with Hugh Hefner, calling the experience a "traumatic" one.
The model, now 41, is opening up about her time living at the Playboy Mansion. She resided at the lavish property from the early 2000s until she and Hugh Hefner split in 2008.
Appearing on a recent episode of the Power: Hugh Hefner podcast, Madison opened up about what it was like living with him as his main girlfriend for seven years.
But before securing her spot as Hefner's main girlfriend, Madison recalled what their first night together was like.
"I was wasted," she said. "He was literally pushed on top of me. And after it happened, I was just mortified and embarrassed, and it had way more of an emotional impact on me than I thought it would."
"I wasn't necessarily expecting to have sex that night. I thought it would be more of a first date - even though, obviously, it's not a very traditional first date," she said.
"I thought it would be more the type of thing where I saw what happened, saw what was going on. If I wasn’t comfortable with it, I wouldn’t have to do anything and I could make my decision on whether I wanted to come back for date No. 2 or not."
While Madison had admired Hefner at the time, what really "horrified" her was that all of the other ladies knew the pair had slept together.
"I thought he was really smart, I really looked up to him, so I liked him, and it wasn’t that the idea of possibly having sex with him repelled me so much - I know that's not relatable to a lot of people because they're like, 'Oh, he's an old man, gross,'" she said.
"It was more the group aspect that was really out of my comfort zone and just the feeling of 'Wow, OK, that happened. Everybody knows it happened,'" she continued.
"I kind of all of a sudden felt like everybody was going to know about me, and I was horrified by it."
With that in mind, Madison felt pressured to stay at the manse that night even though she wanted to leave.
"I felt like, 'There's no taking that back, so I might as well get what I came for,'" she said, adding that the next morning Hefner had agreed to let her move in. I felt like by moving myself in and getting what I wanted from the situation, that was demanding respect in a way.
"I felt like if I didn't do that, I was just going to be haunted by this experience," referring to their evening together as a "traumatic" one.
