Shia LaBeouf has spoken out about some of his darkest moments during the past few years, in a vulnerable conversation with Bishop Barron.
The actor has recently rediscovered his Christian faith over the past few years, after studying Catholicism to prepare for his latest movie, Padre Pio.
Speaking to Bishop Barron from Word of Fire Catholic Ministries, LaBeouf discusses how his faith helped him through some of his worst times.
"It was seeing other people who have sinned beyond anything I could ever conceptualize also being found in Christ that made me feel like, 'Oh, that gives me hope,' " the actor said. "I started hearing experiences of other depraved people who had found their way — in this — and it made me feel like I had permission."
The 36-year-old Transformers actor also revealed he had contemplated ending his life, telling Bishop Barron: "I had a gun on the table. I was outta here."
LaBeouf continued: "I didn't want to be alive anymore when all this happened. Shame like I had never experienced before — the kind of shame that you forget how to breathe. You don't know where to go. You can't go outside and get like, a taco."
"But I was also in this deep desire to hold on," he also added.
The revelations come after years of negative spotlight on the actor, who was accused of sexual battery, assault, and inciting emotional distress by his ex-girlfriend FKA Twigs.
In another recent podcast, LaBeouf admitted: "I hurt that woman. And in the process of doing that, I hurt many other people, and many other people before that woman."
"I was a pleasure-seeking, selfish, self-centered, dishonest, inconsiderate, fearful human being," he continued, before stating: "I f***ed up bad. Like crash and burn type s***. I hurt a lot of people, and I'm fully aware of that. And I'm going to owe for the rest of my life," per VT.
It was in the wake of these disturbing allegations that LaBeouf landed a role in Padre Pio, and even resided in a monastery with Franciscan Capuchin friars in preparation for his role.
Speaking of his newfound religiousness, LaBeouf told Bishop Barron: "I know now that God was using my ego to draw me to Him. Drawing me away from worldly desires. It was all happening simultaneously. But there would have been no impetus for me to get in my car, drive up [to the monastery] if I didn't think, 'Oh, I'm gonna save my career,'" he said.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out for help and contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741, or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources.