Have you ever wanted to magnify a mineral crystal while simultaneously pointing a laser and picking something out from between your teeth? No? Well, now you can anyway.
Someone is selling a singular multi-tool army knife on Amazon that boasts 87 implements and 141 functions. This Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant is the perfect extravagant gift for any handyman or someone who wants to scale a fish at a moment's notice. But only if you have almost $10,000 to spend on said person.
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Wenger/Amazon]]
And while this knife has almost countless functions, you might not be able to lug it around with you everywhere you go, as it weighs a whopping seven pounds. The absurdity of this huge take on a tiny, convenient tool isn't lost on those who have stumbled across the Amazon page.
And their comments are hilarious. One fan joked that the advanced knife ordered itself. Another wrote: "I tried to file my nails, but in the process I accidentally fixed a small engine that was near by. Which was nice."
Still another said:
"When I forgot to take it out of my backpack before trying to board my flight the helpful TSA agent at the security area pointed out that by deploying the two larger blades and the jet engine on the back side I really didn't need a commercial flight, just a runway and some goggles. Boy, did I feel dumb, but I saved $605 on airfare!"
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Amazon]]
Michael Katachanas wrote that they only found one bug with the knife: "Only shame is that the unicorn toothbrush does not operate properly when used at the same time with the parachute. (Sent from my Wenger 16999)."
The question and answer section for the product is even better. When one user asked if the knife could core an apple, someone answered: "Of course it can, but the apple-corer blade is accessible only if you use it immediately after the bagpipe bladder stitch removal cumberbutton and before using the panda baby spoon."
[[imagecaption|| Credit: Amazon]]
Someone who asks to see a photo of the knife closed received another sarcastic response: "No. Unfortunately, closing the knife brings too much mass into one location causing the formation of a small black hole. This is not covered by the warranty."
And just in case you wanted to know every function the Wenger 16999 has, check out the full list below:
2.5-inch 60% serrated locking blade
Nail file
Nail cleaner
Corkscrew
Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter
Removable screwdriver bit adapter
2.5-inch blade for Official World Scout Knife
Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter
Removable screwdriver bit holder
Phillips head screwdriver bit 0 Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
Flathead screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm
Flathead screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm
Flathead screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm
Magnetized recessed bit holder
Double-cut wood saw with ruler
Chain rivet setter
Removable 5mm
Allen wrench
Screwdriver for slotted and Phillips head screws
Removable tool for adjusting spokes
10mm Hexagonal key for nuts
Removable 4mm curved allen wrench with Phillips head screwdriver
Patented locking screwdriver
Universal wrench
2.4-inch springless scissors with serrated self-sharpening design
1.65-inch clip point utility blade
Phillips head screwdriver
2.5-inch clip-point blade
Clubface cleaner
2.4-inch round tip blade
Patented locking screwdriver
Cap lifter
Can opener
Shoe spike wrench
Divot repair tool
4mm Allen wrench
2.5-inch blade
Fine metal file with a precision screwdriver
Double-cut wood saw with ruler
Cupped cigar cutter with double honed edges
12/20-gauge choke tube tool
Watch case back opening tool
Snap shackle
Mineral crystal magnifier
Compass
Straight edge, ruler (in./cm)
Telescopic pointer
Fish scaler
Hook dis-gorger
Line guide
Shortix laboratory key
Micro tool holder
Micro tool adapter
Micro scraper (straight)
Micro scraper (curved)
Laser pointer with a 300-foot range
Metal file
Metal saw
Flashlight
Micro tool holder
Phillips head screwdriver 1.5mm
Screwdriver 1.2mm
Screwdriver .8mm
Fine fork for watch spring bars
Reamer
Pin punch 1.2mm
Pin pinch .8mm
Round needle file
Removable tool holder with an expandable receptacle
Removable tool holder
Special self-centering screwdriver for gunsights
Flat Phillips head screwdriver
Chisel-point reamer
Mineral crystal magnifier
Small ruler
Extension tool
Sping-loaded, locking flat nose needle-nose pliers
Removable screwdriver bit holder
Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
Flathead screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm
Flathead screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm
Flathead screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm
Magnetized recessed bit holder
Tire tread gauge
Fiber optic tool holder
Can opener
Patented locking screwdriver
Cap lifter
Wire stripper
Reamer
Awl
Toothpick
Tweezers
Keyring
If you find yourself constantly without the right tool to fix something you never knew needed fixing, this knife might be for you. Otherwise, stick to the comment section.
