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Lifestyle3 min(s) read
Published 16:30 10 Jul 2019 GMT
Have you ever wanted to magnify a mineral crystal while simultaneously pointing a laser and picking something out from between your teeth? No? Well, now you can anyway.
Someone is selling a singular multi-tool army knife on Amazon that boasts 87 implements and 141 functions. This Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant is the perfect extravagant gift for any handyman or someone who wants to scale a fish at a moment's notice. But only if you have almost $10,000 to spend on said person.
And while this knife has almost countless functions, you might not be able to lug it around with you everywhere you go, as it weighs a whopping seven pounds. The absurdity of this huge take on a tiny, convenient tool isn't lost on those who have stumbled across the Amazon page.
And their comments are hilarious. One fan joked that the advanced knife ordered itself. Another wrote: "I tried to file my nails, but in the process I accidentally fixed a small engine that was near by. Which was nice."
Still another said:
"When I forgot to take it out of my backpack before trying to board my flight the helpful TSA agent at the security area pointed out that by deploying the two larger blades and the jet engine on the back side I really didn't need a commercial flight, just a runway and some goggles. Boy, did I feel dumb, but I saved $605 on airfare!"
Michael Katachanas wrote that they only found one bug with the knife: "Only shame is that the unicorn toothbrush does not operate properly when used at the same time with the parachute. (Sent from my Wenger 16999)."
The question and answer section for the product is even better. When one user asked if the knife could core an apple, someone answered: "Of course it can, but the apple-corer blade is accessible only if you use it immediately after the bagpipe bladder stitch removal cumberbutton and before using the panda baby spoon."
Someone who asks to see a photo of the knife closed received another sarcastic response: "No. Unfortunately, closing the knife brings too much mass into one location causing the formation of a small black hole. This is not covered by the warranty."
And just in case you wanted to know every function the Wenger 16999 has, check out the full list below:
If you find yourself constantly without the right tool to fix something you never knew needed fixing, this knife might be for you. Otherwise, stick to the comment section.
