A bride has revealed she is at loggerheads with her mother-in-law after refusing to leave spaces for the babies the woman lost before having her husband.
Taking to Reddit's 'Am I The A**hole' forum, the 26-year-old bride revealed that the issue arose while she was planning her wedding to her 27-year-old fiancé.
She explained: "Everything is going great and I love him so much. I can't wait to spend my life with him. He loves my family, and I, for the most part, love his."
However, the sticking point came when she found out that her mother-in-law was expecting some seats to be held for her deceased children.
She revealed that her fiancé has a much older brother, but her future mother-in-law got pregnant three times in between him and his brother, with all of the pregnancies ending in late miscarriages and stillbirths.
Due to her heartbreak at losing three babies, when the husband-to-be was born, his mom ended up putting "all of her motherly love and attention" onto him.
The bride explained: "As we were planning our guest list, we consulted our families about which, and how many, relatives we should invite.
"Future MIL [mother-in-law] asked that we 'invite' fiancé's dead brother and sisters. When we asked what she meant, she wanted us to put up a framed photo of the dead babies in the pews at our wedding ceremony, and then save them seats at our reception."
The bride revealed: "I was horrified. First of all, we are trying to have a fairly small wedding to start with, and a beautiful, intimate venue.
"We can only have seats for 30-50 people, and I would like these places to be for our friends and family, not people who have never met either of us because they are dead."
She added that her fiancé agreed that taking three seats out of circulation when there was only a maximum of fifty places to begin with was "too many", but suggested that they "compromise" and allow his mother to put all three photos in one seat.
The bride still wasn't happy with the thought of including a place for her husband-to-be's dead siblings who he'd never met, adding: "Personally, I think it's gross and weird to include any of them. We're starting our lives together. We want to have a family and it almost seems like a bad omen, but it means a lot to her and it's a fairly small ask."
She also noted that her fiancé's family was paying for "75%" of the costs of the wedding and it was the "only request" his mother had made.
After asking Reddit whether she was the 'a**hole' in the situation, most people came to the bride's defense in refusing to allow pictures of the dead babies to take up a seat at her wedding.
One wrote: "NTA [Not the a**hole]: I have no words other than no god damn way. That’s the weirdest and creepiest thing I’ve ever heard."
Another responded: "Or another day on AITA with the wildest of wildest behaviour of humanity. Frankly OP [original poster], it can be disturbing/triggering for other wedding attendees who have gone through similar experiences of stillbirth/miscarriage to see the pictures at the function. The occasion can turn somber.
"If it was MIL's wedding, she can do what she wants (still creepy, though). Since your fiance feels nothing much for the cause, you have got nothing to worry and assert yourself. NTA, OP."
One poster suggested that in order to honor the mother-in-law's wishes, the couple might consider including a small bouquet of blue and pink flowers on the gift table in memory of his deceased siblings, explaining: "Maybe on the gift table a small bouquet of three pink and blue carnations. They could be in memory of his missing siblings. That's it. No graphic dead baby photos, no empty chairs, no 'big over the top' show!
"It's not about you MIL and giving up 'the boy who lived.' It's a wedding the joining of two people. Lord help op, MIL is going to be all up in your business til the day she dies."
Another suggested: "NTA. At my wedding i set up a table with some candles that had a sign: In Memoriam. These candles are lit in memory of those gone from our lives, but never gone from our [hearts]."
Some even went as far as to question whether the bride might want to reconsider going through with the wedding at all, writing: "OP, this is a test….of your fiancé. If he doesn’t back you up 100% on this issue, you should seriously reconsider marrying him. Do you really want to marry someone who caters to unreasonable, even crazy, requests from his mother?"
The bride then responded: "He agrees with me that it's a gross request, but he thinks compromise will avoid some drama. He's worried that if we flat out say no that she will keep asking."
Honoring the mother-in-law's wishes in some small way might not be the worst thing in the world, but we'd draw the line at including pictures of dead babies that did not belong to the couple themselves. Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
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