Bridesmaid leaves people divided by wanting to 'lie' to get out of best friend's $8k destination wedding

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By Asiya Ali

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A woman who was asked to be a bridesmaid at her friend's wedding has sparked a debate after admitting that she wants to "lie" to get out of the $8k destination wedding.

When one of your closest friends shares the happy news that they are getting married and want you to be their bridesmaid - you give them an automatic "yes".

But what if you find out that the wedding will take place overseas and the ceremony has just been moved up an entire year, making it just four months away and costing you a staggering $8,000...

That's the sticky situation one woman has found herself in as she took to Reddit to share her predicament.

Bridesmaids
Credit: Nerida McMurray Photography / Getty

A Reddit user - who identifies herself only as a 32-year-old female - shared a post on the platform's "Am I The A**hole" page, revealing that she and the bride, Kayla have been friends since elementary school.

"When she got engaged this Christmas she didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid because it was an automatic given. I love Kayla but the problem is that her wedding is taking place overseas and would cost more than I think is reasonable," the poster said.

The bridesmaid said that Kayla’s wedding is being held in her fiancé's hometown which is "a tiny, far-north Scandinavian town," and added that the ceremony was recently changed from 2025 to 2024.

"Between flights, the hotel ... the rental car, the bridesmaid dress, the full traditional outfit required to be worn for some the events, pet boarding, as well as general incidentals and we are looking at a minimum $8,000," she continued.

The woman wrote that her friend was "very apologetic" about the sudden date change but "has not acknowledged" the impact the wedding would have on her financially - explaining that she and her husband have spent the last four years "saving for our tenth-anniversary trip, a 3-week tour around Japan, and had just booked flights when the date change was announced".

When the bride told the woman about the overseas wedding, she apparently said: "You’re so lucky, you’ve been saving all that money for a vacation anyway!"

Kayla’s wedding is being held in her fiancé's hometown which is "a tiny, far-north Scandinavian town". Credit: LumiNola / Getty

The bridesmaid is now considering lying to get out of the nuptials, writing: "My idea was to lie and say we have to do a major home repair (fixing the foundation maybe) that will cost all of what we have saved plus more, then when it did come time for the Asia trip say we were gifted the trip by my husband's parents."

But, she feels guilty for the lie and also hypocritical, revealing that she had her own destination wedding in Alaska, one that Kayla attended despite not having a "particularly good or secure job." However, she noted that her wedding was not as expensive as Kayla's Scandinavian ceremony.

"I’m scared that if I tell her the truth of why we can’t go, it’s too damn expensive, it will ruin our friendship. I could see why it would. She was a bridesmaid for me while far less financially secure than we are now and she knows we have a lot of money saved for travel," she said.

"Our friendship means a lot to me but I don’t think it’s fair to plan a wedding this expensive to attend and expect me to cancel our dream trip to accommodate it," she continued.

The bridesmaid concluded her post by writing: "I don’t want to risk it so I know that there is a risk she would find out the truth and be even angrier, is that risk worth it to avoid telling her the truth?"

plane
The wedding will be set in Sweden. Credit: Tbradford / Getty

Users flocked to the comment section to share their opinions, with many stating that while $8K is a massive cost, she shouldn't lie to her friend.

One user wrote: "8K is an outlandish amount to ask anyone to pay to come to a wedding. Ever. Full stop. The answer is we just can't afford that. We cannot spend that kind of money on this. I'm so sorry, we can't.

"We booked our Japan vacation already, not knowing that you were going to change the date, and we can't do this," they continued. "Your actual reason is sufficient. Making something up would just make it dodgy. Tell her the truth."

Another said: "[Not the a**hole] for not wanting to spend $8K to go to a wedding. But YTA for trying to come up with a complicated lie. Just be honest and talk to your friend. If the friendship can survive this, then something else would've broken it in the future."

A third commented: "You are 32 years old. Just tell her the truth. You already have tickets to Japan. Wish her a happy wedding and be done. Also she made her decision regarding your wedding. She could have said no. Which is what someone should do if they can't make the numbers work or the time away. Yta for thinking of lying."

What do you guys think?

Featured image credit: Kirin_photo / Getty

Bridesmaid leaves people divided by wanting to 'lie' to get out of best friend's $8k destination wedding

vt-author-image

By Asiya Ali

Article saved!Article saved!

A woman who was asked to be a bridesmaid at her friend's wedding has sparked a debate after admitting that she wants to "lie" to get out of the $8k destination wedding.

When one of your closest friends shares the happy news that they are getting married and want you to be their bridesmaid - you give them an automatic "yes".

But what if you find out that the wedding will take place overseas and the ceremony has just been moved up an entire year, making it just four months away and costing you a staggering $8,000...

That's the sticky situation one woman has found herself in as she took to Reddit to share her predicament.

Bridesmaids
Credit: Nerida McMurray Photography / Getty

A Reddit user - who identifies herself only as a 32-year-old female - shared a post on the platform's "Am I The A**hole" page, revealing that she and the bride, Kayla have been friends since elementary school.

"When she got engaged this Christmas she didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid because it was an automatic given. I love Kayla but the problem is that her wedding is taking place overseas and would cost more than I think is reasonable," the poster said.

The bridesmaid said that Kayla’s wedding is being held in her fiancé's hometown which is "a tiny, far-north Scandinavian town," and added that the ceremony was recently changed from 2025 to 2024.

"Between flights, the hotel ... the rental car, the bridesmaid dress, the full traditional outfit required to be worn for some the events, pet boarding, as well as general incidentals and we are looking at a minimum $8,000," she continued.

The woman wrote that her friend was "very apologetic" about the sudden date change but "has not acknowledged" the impact the wedding would have on her financially - explaining that she and her husband have spent the last four years "saving for our tenth-anniversary trip, a 3-week tour around Japan, and had just booked flights when the date change was announced".

When the bride told the woman about the overseas wedding, she apparently said: "You’re so lucky, you’ve been saving all that money for a vacation anyway!"

Kayla’s wedding is being held in her fiancé's hometown which is "a tiny, far-north Scandinavian town". Credit: LumiNola / Getty

The bridesmaid is now considering lying to get out of the nuptials, writing: "My idea was to lie and say we have to do a major home repair (fixing the foundation maybe) that will cost all of what we have saved plus more, then when it did come time for the Asia trip say we were gifted the trip by my husband's parents."

But, she feels guilty for the lie and also hypocritical, revealing that she had her own destination wedding in Alaska, one that Kayla attended despite not having a "particularly good or secure job." However, she noted that her wedding was not as expensive as Kayla's Scandinavian ceremony.

"I’m scared that if I tell her the truth of why we can’t go, it’s too damn expensive, it will ruin our friendship. I could see why it would. She was a bridesmaid for me while far less financially secure than we are now and she knows we have a lot of money saved for travel," she said.

"Our friendship means a lot to me but I don’t think it’s fair to plan a wedding this expensive to attend and expect me to cancel our dream trip to accommodate it," she continued.

The bridesmaid concluded her post by writing: "I don’t want to risk it so I know that there is a risk she would find out the truth and be even angrier, is that risk worth it to avoid telling her the truth?"

plane
The wedding will be set in Sweden. Credit: Tbradford / Getty

Users flocked to the comment section to share their opinions, with many stating that while $8K is a massive cost, she shouldn't lie to her friend.

One user wrote: "8K is an outlandish amount to ask anyone to pay to come to a wedding. Ever. Full stop. The answer is we just can't afford that. We cannot spend that kind of money on this. I'm so sorry, we can't.

"We booked our Japan vacation already, not knowing that you were going to change the date, and we can't do this," they continued. "Your actual reason is sufficient. Making something up would just make it dodgy. Tell her the truth."

Another said: "[Not the a**hole] for not wanting to spend $8K to go to a wedding. But YTA for trying to come up with a complicated lie. Just be honest and talk to your friend. If the friendship can survive this, then something else would've broken it in the future."

A third commented: "You are 32 years old. Just tell her the truth. You already have tickets to Japan. Wish her a happy wedding and be done. Also she made her decision regarding your wedding. She could have said no. Which is what someone should do if they can't make the numbers work or the time away. Yta for thinking of lying."

What do you guys think?

Featured image credit: Kirin_photo / Getty