Relationships4 min(s) read
Divorce lawyer reveals five everyday triggers that commonly cause marriages to break down
A divorce law expert has revealed five everyday problems that can - and do - sometimes lead to the breakdown of a marriage.
So, if you’re experiencing worry about the state of your relationship, here are a few common things to keep an eye on.
Marriage is a difficult relationship at the best of times
It’s hard to keep a marriage going, and a staggering number end in divorce.
In fact, between 40 and 50 percent of marriages in the USA end in divorce, and almost half again in the UK - 42 percent.
With that in mind, it’s important to keep an eye out for a few common triggers that might seem small, but can add up to disaster where the partnership is concerned.
They are all completely obvious, but some are a lot more avoidable than others.
Thankfully, we have Evie Bignell, a family law expert from Grant Stephens Family Law, to break down some of the most common causes for marriages to break up.
The plan is to help people see that the small things really do start to add up over time, eventually becoming a gaping chasm between two people who previously loved one another.
She explained: “I’ve noticed that couples don’t realise that persistent, everyday stressors can gradually undermine a relationship over time, and this is something we frequently hear about with our clients.
“These issues don’t necessarily appear dramatic on the surface, but they can create ongoing tension that, if unmanaged, contributes to irreparable breakdowns in communication and connection, likely to end in a divorce.
We see a lot that it isn’t one major event that contributes to divorce, but lots of little things that may add up over years, so it’s important to recognise this.”
So, without further ado - let’s dive in.
Financial Stress
Of course money makes the list, as we’re all worried about it - married, single, in a relationship.
Unless you are absolutely loaded, it’s likely that you have money anxiety.
In this day and age, everything costs more and we all have less disposable income.
In a marriage, this can cause arguments, stress, debt, prioritizing different things - all sorts of potential quarrels.
Factor in the cost of childcare and the like, and it’s a potential dealbreaker.
Work/Life Imbalance
In order to get that money, we have to work super-hard, which means that we can neglect the ones we love.
That leaves partners feeling unfulfilled, ignored, and - eventually - undervalued and even unloved.
Not a great sign for the marriage.
Our expert says: “Long hours, working through annual leave, and constant connectivity to work can make partners feel neglected or undervalued.
“Pressure to stay on top of responsibilities at work often leaves little time for nurturing the relationship, leading to disconnection over time.”
Breakdown of Communication
Of course, work stress - among other things - can lead to a lack of good communication in a marriage, and - as any good relationship therapist will tell you - communication is key.
We’re not mind readers, so it’s important that everyone in a relationship knows where everyone stands, and when that slips, it can be catastrophic.
Over time, gaps and cracks widen, and efforts to close them diminish. According to the expert, that can even make the divorce proceedings more onerous and expensive, as bad communication drags things out and increases lawyer costs.
Loss of Enjoyment and Engagement
This is a bit of a catch-all term, and it really explains itself. When people stop engaging with each other and stop enjoying their relationship and each other’s company, it’s hard to claw things back.
Emotional distance can be hard to make up, and it can slowly erode the relationship until it deteriorates beyond the point of repair.
But fear not - recognizing what is happening is the first step to sorting the issues out.
If you start living your life together rather than living them separately, you can still save the marriage.
Ultimately it comes down to how you both feel about each other, rather than any other factors.
As with everything, marriage is something you have to work on.