In many parts of the world, abstinence is considered to be a virtue - a way of preserving the sanctity of marriage by forgoing sexual intercourse until after the nuptials. But many of us would certainly struggle with the idea of staying celibate after getting married. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened to a couple from Austin, Texas, who were unable to have penetrative sex for a very strange reason.

Ben and Emily Coussens were a devout couple from the start and were both virgins when they met each other through church in 2007. Falling in love quickly and helplessly, they decided to save themselves until after they were married. Two years later, they were wed in a romantic ceremony in Santa Paula, California, and were eager to later make love with each other in their Hawaii hotel room on their honeymoon.

However, when they tried to have sex for the first time, Emily found the experience unbearably painful, and Ben was unable to penetrate her. Slightly deflated, the couple chalked it up to nerves and performance anxiety, and resolved to try again later. But each time they attempted to have sex, they hit the same roadblock. It was clear that something was seriously wrong.

"My body seemed to instinctively reject what we were trying to do, and what I so wanted to do," Emily stated in a later interview,  "It was like my vagina turned into a brick wall, and nothing could go inside. I started to panic, worrying that I had something wrong with me. We were supposed to be on our honeymoon, hardly leaving our bedroom, but instead, my body seemed to say ‘no’ despite my mind and the rest of me saying ‘yes.’"

Emily consulted with a gynaecologist months later, who was unable to even perform an examination due to her extreme vaginal tightness. She was given some dilators – narrow silicone tubes which resemble tampons – to widen the vaginal opening, but she was unable to even fit them in. Nothing seemed to relax her muscles, and the couple got more and more desperate. Emily felt ashamed and scared - frightened that she was letting her spouse down. Four years later, nothing had changed, and even after Emily had her hymen operated on, it made little difference.

However, in March 2015 Ben was watching a video online about a gynaecological condition known as vaginismus, in which the muscles of the vagina tighten involuntarily when penetration is attempted, but does not affect the body's ability to experience arousal or lust. The couple realised that this was the very ailment that Emily was suffering from, and thus they travelled to the  Women’s Therapy Center, in Plainview, New York to try and see if their therapies could alleviate Emily's muscle tension.

Discussing her issue, Emily stated: "Friends would ask me, ‘What’s the sex like?’ I would lie, being vague, saying, ‘Yeah it’s great,’ before changing the subject. Some people I did confide in suggested to me it was all in my head and that, somehow, I didn’t want to make love, but that wasn’t true."

"I worried Ben would become resentful of me. I’d often say to him, ‘I am sorry you have a defective wife.’ But he was so understanding. He really is the most handsome, hard-working, sacrificial, patient man in the whole world and supported me completely."

While at the Women’s Therapy Center Emily paid for a variety of treatments, and was instructed to perform various exercises and pelvic floor rehabilitation. Finally, on August 10, 2015, the pair were finally able to consummate."Having sex for the first time with Ben was amazing," Emily stated,  "I said to him, ‘Are we really doing it?’ as I couldn’t believe we had finally made it that far. Ever since then, we have made love without any problems. We now enjoy a very healthy and happy sex-life – making love every week."

Six months after they first had intercourse, Emily was pregnant with her son Holden, who was born in October of 2016. Since then, she and Ben have sex once a week, and have had no further reproductive problems. Emily is also enjoying being a mother, and wants to have more children with Ben.

"I want to tell other women who might be feeling like this that they can get help," she concluded "I’ve never been able to identify what caused my pain as I had a really open relationship with my parents and felt able to talk about sex. So I want mums to talk to their girls about the issue, and not make it into such a big deal. Sex is a positive, fun thing and should be celebrated."

A woman has opened up about why she chose to use a male escort to lose her virginity at the age of 43.

Whether it's down to religious beliefs or just not finding the right person until later in life, there can be many reasons why intimacy does not always start early for some people.

And for those with complex disabilities, the world of sex and dating can often be more complicated still.

Melanie Hawkes, 43, from Perth in Australia, opened up about her decision to use a male escort to lose her virginity after an illness as a child has left her needing a wheelchair since the age of three.

Melanie was just two years old when she was diagnosed with transverse myelitis, a disorder caused by inflammation of the spinal cord as a result of an infection.

Her parents had rushed her to hospital after she went from walking and talking like any other toddler, to stumbling around like she was "drunk", before becoming paralysed in her legs and having only limited movement in her arms.

While some children fully recover from transverse myelitis, Melanie was among those who do not, and has required a wheelchair since the age of three and also experiences occasional pain and issues with her breathing, requiring support workers to help her with daily life.

Melanie revealed that she had never had a sexual experience until her 40s, as the only time sex had been discussed in her household was her parents warning her brothers not to get a girl pregnant before marriage.

She told Take 5 magazine (via news.com.au) that they didn't broach the subject with her, explaining: "It wasn’t like I could sneak out, so they weren’t worried about me."

Melanie added: "I’d liked a guy in uni, but after he was teased about having feelings for me, he kept his distance. After that, I assumed my dream of having a partner someday wouldn’t happen, so I busied myself with work and other commitments."

However, in 2022 Melanie contracted Covid and had trouble with her breathing, and was "sure" she had been about to die from the virus.

Her support worker Tracy (name has been changed) offered to give her a massage one day after she found her neck had been hurting due to having to sleep upright to help with her breathing in the night.

While it was just a neck and back massage, it made Melanie realize it was the "first time [she'd] been touched so intimately by anyone".

It was Tracy who'd revealed to Melanie that sex workers specializing in disabled clients existed - revealing that she used to work as one herself in the past.

With her Covid scare making her realize that "life was too short", Melanie began to look for a suitable escort - which cost around $400 AUD ($270 USD) an hour - and stumbled across one called Chayse who she liked the look of.

She messaged Chayse and received a call from him 10 minutes later, and speaking to him put her at ease and let her discuss what she wanted from him.

Melanie first booked for a two-hour erotic massage with Chayse, initially for a month's time but ended up moving it forward as she was "too eager to wait".

Their first appointment was at Chayse's house and Melanie asked Tracy to take her there, helping her dress in sexy underwear she'd bought online for the meeting and getting her onto the massage table before leaving the pair to it.

Afterward, she arranged another session at her own home, telling the publication: "Two weeks later, we met again at my house, as it was better equipped for my needs. We were together for three exhilarating hours and the next morning my whole body was aching.

"Chayse had bent me into so many different positions, but they’d all felt so good at the time.

"Now, I’m seeing Chayse regularly. He’s opened me up to a world I’d been missing for so long, and I’m loving every minute."

Melanie revealed that she uses her sessions with Chayse to work out what she does and doesn't like in the bedroom in the hopes of finding a life partner, which she hadn't had the confidence to do before.

She explained: "I know some people will judge me, but that’s easy if you don’t have a disability. You don’t know what it’s like. People who matter to me are supportive and this is the happiest I’ve ever been.

"My only regret is not doing it sooner. I’m speaking out now, so people with disabilities know there are options for intimacy."

Melanie concluded: "We deserve to feel loved and desired, like anyone else."

Featured image credit:  Tero Vesalainen / Alamy 

A woman has revealed why she chose to use the services of a male escort in order to lose her virginity when she was 43.

There can be many reasons why a person chooses to wait to lose their virginity until later in life, from religious beliefs to just not finding the right person to share that intimate moment with.

For those living with complex disabilities, the world of sex and dating can often be more complicated still.

Melanie Hawkes, who has been in a wheelchair since the age of three after an illness, opened up on her decision to employ a male escort so she could lose her virginity at the age of 43.

Hawkes, who is from Perth, Australia, was just two years old when she was diagnosed with transverse myelitis, a disorder caused by inflammation of the spinal cord following an infection.

She had been rushed to hospital by her parents after she went from walking and talking like any other toddler, to stumbling around like she was "drunk", before losing the ability to move her legs and retaining only limited mobility in her arms.

While some children recover fully from transverse myelitis, Hawkes was among those that are left with life-long effects and has needed to use a wheelchair since the age of three, as well as having occasional pain and issues with her breathing, meaning she needs a support worker to help her with daily life.

Hawkes revealed that the only time sex had been discussed in her household growing up was when her parents warned her brothers not to get a girl pregnant before marriage.

She told Take 5 magazine (via news.com.au) that they never brought up the topic of intimacy with her, explaining: "It wasn’t like I could sneak out, so they weren’t worried about me."

Hawkes, never had a sexual experience until she reached her 40s, believed that she would never have a life partner, so focused herself on other things.

"I’d liked a guy in uni, but after he was teased about having feelings for me, he kept his distance," she confessed. "After that, I assumed my dream of having a partner someday wouldn’t happen, so I busied myself with work and other commitments."

However, the turning point came in 2022 when Hawkes contracted Covid and felt "sure" she was going to die from the virus after experiencing trouble with her breathing.

Tracy (name has been changed), her support worker, offered to give her a massage after finding she had a painful neck after having to sleep upright to help with her breathing in the night.

While it was only a neck and back massage, Hawkes realized it was the "first time [she'd] been touched so intimately by anyone".

It was through Tracy that Hawkes found out that sex workers specializing in disabled clients exist after she revealed that she used to work as one herself in the past.

Hawkes began looking for a suitable escort - which cost around $400 AUD ($270 USD) - after realizing that "life was too short" after her brush with Covid, and found one called Chayse who she was interested in meeting with.

She received a call back from Chayse around 10 minutes after she messaged him, and found speaking with him put her at ease to discuss what she wanted from their interaction.

Hawkes first booked in for a two-hour erotic massage in a month's time, but ended up moving her appointment forward as she was "too eager to wait."

She visited Chayse's house for her first appointment after asking Tracy to take her there and help dress her in sexy underwear she had bought online specially for the meeting, as well as helping her onto the massage table, before leaving the pair to it.

After a successful first meeting, Hawkes arranged another session for two weeks' time at her own home, which was "better equipped for [her] needs."

She revealed: "We were together for three exhilarating hours and the next morning my whole body was aching. Chayse had bent me into so many different positions, but they’d all felt so good at the time.

"Now, I’m seeing Chayse regularly. He’s opened me up to a world I’d been missing for so long, and I’m loving every minute."

Hawkes revealed that her sessions with Chayse are helping her to discover what she does and doesn't like in the bedroom, and hopes that she will find a life partner - something she hadn't had the confidence to do before.

She explained: "I know some people will judge me, but that’s easy if you don’t have a disability. You don’t know what it’s like. People who matter to me are supportive and this is the happiest I’ve ever been.

"My only regret is not doing it sooner. I’m speaking out now, so people with disabilities know there are options for intimacy."

Melanie concluded: "We deserve to feel loved and desired, like anyone else."

Featured image credit: Getty Images

Sex is a normal part of life and any relationship. Whether you're married, in a long-term relationship, or just looking for a bit of fun - sex is often an enjoyable activity for any two (or more) people.

However, for 26-year-old Jillian Currie, her sex life has become "virtually non-existent" over the last six years, as a result of a string of gynecological conditions that she has suffered with since she lost her virginity at 16.

Jillian, of Buckinghamshire, England, now fears that she will never have a successful romance, due to the fact sex can cause her vagina to tear "as if she has given birth" - the pain of which leaves her struggling to walk.

Since starting mysteriously, Jillian's condition has left medical experts baffled, and now she is sharing her story to help banish taboos surrounding vaginal conditions and let other women with issues know they are not alone.

Speaking to Press Association, Jillian says: "There’s a stereotype that women have a lower sex drive than men, but that isn’t always the case. I’ve wanted to do it, but not been able to – then I end up feeling frustrated that I can’t satisfy the other person.

"I can’t help feeling like there is a difference in the way men and women’s bodies are treated in medicine. Woman are expected to just suffer in silence, and a lot of the time, we aren’t even properly taught about our own bodies.

"It’s so hard not to lose faith, but I really want to encourage others out there to be persistent and keep pushing for an answer. You know your own body, so trust in yourself."

Sharing her views on her personal blog, Queens of Eve, Jillian revealed how her vaginal issues started when she lost her virginity back in 2010 - around the same time she was fitted with a contraceptive implant.

She recalls the implant causing irregular bleeding, which did not settle as her body struggled to adapt to the surge of hormones.

Jillian was then placed on a version of the Pill - but this only exacerbated her symptoms, This, combined with the various hormones lead to the e-commerce worker suffering from anxiety.

After doctors took her off contraception in 2011, things seemed relatively normal. That was, until 2014, when a 20-year-old Jillian – who was then in a relationship – started to mysteriously tear the skin of her perineum (the area between the legs) every time she had sex, leaving her in agony.

She said: "I’d be left with a deep cut, right where women usually tear when they give birth. It was every time I’d have sex and often it would be so painful that I’d have to stop.

"I was in a relationship at the time, but it obviously had an impact as, not only was I not able to be intimate as much as I’d like, but I also lost all my confidence."

In addition to the tearing, Jillian also experienced an extremely heavy discharge, forcing her to wear/change several maxi pads a day. She continued:

"I felt disgusting. I didn’t want anyone to touch me, so I basically stopped having sex. I know different bodies produce different amounts, but this wasn’t my normal.

"I know my own body and knew something had changed, but every time I went to the doctor, I was told it was probably simple like thrush or bacterial vaginosis – another common gynecological condition – and was given medication."

However, these prescribed tablets had very little effect, and Jillian started to fear she was suffering from life-threatening conditions like cervical cancer. At 24 years old, Jillian was able to convince doctors to perform a smear test - despite her being under the age limit in the UK. Thankfully, cancer was ruled out.

Although, the smear test did reveal that Jillian had ectropions - where cells from inside the cervical canal are present outside instead - which is known to cause bleeding, discharge, and pain during or after sex.

In June of 2018, she had the ectropions removed, a procedure that finally gave Jillian hope. But sadly, just five months later, her symptoms returned even worse than before.

"This time, I at least knew what to look for, so I went straight back to the gynecologist, who found two more ectropions", she said, adding: "In November 2018 I had a LEEP procedure, where an electrical wire loop scrapes and burns off the cells, while I was sedated, and, thankfully, that side of things seems to have been under control since."

Per her doctor's advice, Jillian came off the contraceptive Pill, but doctors were still nonethewiser as to why her skin kept tearing. The intimate area has now become so sensitive that she battles pain most days, sometimes struggling to use tampons and being unable to wear certain styles of underwear for fear of irritation.

Jillian said: "It’s been six years of absolute hell. I must have seen around 20 different gynecologists, as well as lots of other doctors like dermatologists, sexual health and allergy specialists.

"At one point, I was even told it might be psychological – but, while I understand that there may be an element of anxiety, I don’t think it’s the whole story. It wouldn’t explain why my skin physically tears."

"I’ve had allergy tests in case it was a reaction to something like an ingredient in my sanitary products, countless scans, and even a vulval biopsy – but nothing provided any answers.

"It got to the point where all I wanted was a diagnosis. Even if it was something bad, at least then I would know what I was dealing with and what my treatment options were."

In early 2019, Jilliam was once again offered a glimmer of hope, all thanks to a steroid cream. "I’d found one steroid cream that sort of worked, if I used it days and days in advance of having sex", she said, adding: "But then I figured I couldn’t live that way. For one thing, it would take any spontaneity out of having sex, but I also didn’t want to be using steroid creams long term on such a sensitive area.

"Plus, although it improved things, I was still tearing so it hadn’t completely resolved it."

Not willing to give up, Jillian went to see a sexual health expert who referred her to a specialist at Stoke Mandeville Hospital. During her appointment in December 2019, Jillian was finally given a diagnosis of vulvodynia - a chronic pain condition that affects the vagina.

It was certainly a relief to finally be able to put a name to her troubles, but the reason why Jillian’s skin is so fragile and prone to tearing still remains a mystery.

One suggestion is vaginal atrophy - a condition in which the vaginal walls thin or inflame, sometimes as a result of a lack of estrogen. In an attempt to combat this, Jillian is now taking a course of hormonal treatment, but is still waiting to see results.

"The vulvodynia diagnosis is a definite, but the atrophy is still a maybe," she said, "I just have to keep going with the treatment and see what happens."

Currently single, Jillian is fearful that she will never be able to have sex again if her condition does not improve.

"I have been in a couple of relationships while going through this, as well as periods of being single, but I would say my sex life for the past six years has been more or less non-existent.

"Knowing what I’m missing out on has had an impact on my confidence and mental health.

"Now, I almost panic if I’m talking to guy and it starts to get flirty, because I know at some point I will have to tell him that I cannot have sex as easily as other people can. Wondering when and how to bring it up is a challenge.

"Luckily, nobody has been nasty, and I suppose if they were, that’s not somebody I would want around."

Despite her unrelenting health issues, Jillian is still trying to stay positive - throwing herself into Queens of Eve, where attempts to help the many women that message her every single day:

"Through Queens of Eve, I try my best to be there for other women. It can be so difficult to find an answer for some gynecological problems.

"I’m happy to share my story because I want to help other women – my Instagram page is like a help hub – where women who have gynecological issues can speak to fellow suffers and learned that whatever they’re going through isn’t a taboo.

"A lot of the help out there seems to be geared towards older women, focusing on things like menopause and childbirth, or we’re simply given some drugs, or a form of contraception that can cause all sorts of other issues and told to get on with it.

"The underlying issue is that women aren’t properly taught about their own bodies. I’ve been on a wild goose chase for a decade now, and had no idea half of these conditions existed."

By being so open and honest about her own struggles, Jillian is hoping to reassure others that they should not be embarrassed about their bodies and seek medical help for conditions that were once considered "taboo":

"I understand that women can have insecurities, or feel a little uncomfortable going to the doctors about certain things, but there is no such thing as a normal body, and I really want to help break that taboo.

"Now, I want to put myself out there to show how many women are suffering like me.

"If I’d had read a story like mine a few years ago, I’d have felt far less alone."

A sex therapist has revealed how a man reacted after he lost his virginity to her.

Kaly Miller, 52, is a mom-of-four who has been a sex surrogate for 15 years and has seen it all during her time in the industry.

Speaking to The Sun, she claimed that she'd even helped a Hollywood actor overcome his sex addiction and coached polyamorous couples.

After making the move from being a masseuse to being a surrogate partner, the mother said that she made the decision so she could earn enough to give her children the life they deserved.

After sleeping with between 300 and 400 people, it's fair to say that she is an expert on the topic, and within three months, she had sexual relations with her first client, a single man in his 60s.

He was a virgin, and after a month of working with him, they made love, and he would go on to have a relationship, as she started to understand the impact of her job.

The sex therapist has done it all when it comes to the deed. Credit: Jamie Grill / Getty

Virgin's first words after seeing her vagina

Kaly explained that she insists on clients having a minimum of three sessions and a maximum of 10 to make sure that no romantic attachment is formed to her.

She usually goes to the gym or does yoga before seeing a client, admitting that since she has turned 50, she has to look her best.

"I see a dermatologist, and of course I regularly do Kegel exercises to keep my pelvic floor muscles tight," she told the publication.

Reflecting on one of her more memorable moments, she remembered when a virgin client saw her vagina, the first he had ever seen.

He said: “It’s marvellous!”

"I love the color and the texture," he added, but she admitted to thinking: “I’ve had sex for 30 years and not once has a partner admired me the way this guy has.”

Other wholesome moments also included the time she helped a man with autism have sex for the first time, after his parents used to bring him to sessions.

“Thank you for making him experience life as a man outside of his challenges,” she remembered his father saying to her.

Kaly explained: "My job has also helped me realize that sex can be incredibly powerful, rather than shallow or mediocre."

The sex therapist has had many experiences over the years. Credit: Witthaya Prasongsin / Getty

How does the job work?

She meets potential clients on Zoom to find out why they want to see her, also analyzing body language to "spot unsuitable people who think they can just turn up and have sex with me."

Kaly horrifyingly claimed: "One time, a man was naked. I turned off my camera and told him that’s not what I’m here for."

After they complete a consent form and paperwork, prices start from £250 ($330) for an in-person session which lasts an hour, or £1,250 ($1,700) for a day session of five hours.

She stated: "If a client is a virgin, the ultimate aim is for us to have sex."

"If they’re female, I can pass them on to a trusted male sex surrogate when they’re ready," Kaly said.

Clients must also provide a recent STD test and use condoms - she also clarified that she does not work with couples when she touches them, focusing on coaching them how to touch each other.

Featured image credit: Erdark/Getty