A terminally ill man has taken to social media to ask for advice after revealing that he hasn't yet told his wife and daughter of his condition.
Writing on Reddit's 'AMTA?' (Am I the a**hole?) subforum under the username 'TheoryOfUgh', the man writes: "I’ll try and keep this brief, last august I found out I have brain cancer, I won’t survive. I’m not taking any treatment as I don’t want to draw it out so it’s going to be a brief ordeal."
He continues: "My wife and daughter have no idea, I've done a good job at trying to act like everything is normal and for the most part it has been, my daughter is on track to get into a top tier university this September and my wife and I recently had a great anniversary at home, we went all out and heated up some ready meals and watched Netflix."
The man then explained why he had decided to refrain from telling them the bad news just yet.
"My reasoning for deceiving them is this," he proclaimed. "They don't need to know and knowing right now will make things difficult, there isn't a person alive who can stop this from happening, so me telling them beforehand just causes them unnecessary pain.
"My wife is really busy with work and my daughter is working really hard in school, I don't think it's right to distract them from that."
However, the man does realize that he could be doing the wrong thing by lying.
"I'm actively lying to the two women I love the most every day by not telling them about this, they are living a normal happy life and have no idea that I won't be there by Christmas," he wrote.
"I may not make it to see my daughter move out. This is going to be a massive shock to them both and I'm concerned for how they will take this."
The man then asked Redditors if he was wrong for protecting his wife and daughter in this way, and the verdict from users of the website was unanimous.
"You think you're helping them or trying to protect them but you're just going to make it worse for them," warned one user. "Lying about it isn't going to stop you from dying either. You need to tell them so they can start to process and prepare for the inevitable. It may be harder for you but it will make things better for them in the long run."
A second opened up about the potential repercussions of the man not telling his wife and daughter, writing: "A girl I knew, her mom had terminal cancer and didn't tell her. She was away at college.
"She didn't get to ask her mom for her favorite recipes, for stories about her grandparents or other family history, or even to say goodbye. It was horribly traumatizing for her, and she's never forgiven her mother for it. It taints every memory she has of her mom."
A third then opened up about the potential benefits of this man telling his wife and daughter the truth sooner rather than later.
The Redditor commented: "My dad died when I was 30 and we knew for a few months he was dying and I got to have many lovely conversations with him as we all processed it, which we never would have had if no one had any idea it was happening.
"A very gentle YTA [Yes, the a**hole], I really treasure every one of those moments and if I hadn’t known and he had died, I would have had a much larger hole in my heart."
Hopefully, the various insightful replies this man received will help him to make the right decision for his family.
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