Alex Turner is one of those ever-evolving celebrities. He never stays the same and - every year on average - he alters his image and persona to such an extent that it confuses, dumbfounds and excites his fans in equal measure. However, for all the razzmatazz and Elvis-esque bravado that he has mixed into his stage presence in the past few years, his newest transformation may just be his most extreme.
Now, some of you reading this may not be aware who Alex Turner is, so let me tell you. Alex Turner, essentially, is God. He is Jesus re-incarnated. He is what happens if you mix the songwriting mastery of Morrisey, take away the - shall we say - "outdated" views, and add in some sparkle from Elvis and James Dean for fun. Alex Turner is a walking sex symbol, a man who can do no wrong and someone who appeared to channel his new personas through his hair... until now.
So, in light of this, let us take a journey through the life of Alex Turner's hair.
The year is 2006 and Arctic Monkeys have just crash-landed into the UK music scene. There they were, four acne-riddled teenagers, tearing up the industry while wearing Topman jeans and £6 plimsolls. At the time, Turner and his merry band of men were singing about getting drunk in nightclubs and running away from taxis and his hair reflected this time of his life. Turner's hair was a simple cute. It was "the usual please, mate." It was "Yeah, sweet - that looks grand. Nice one." It was a normal haircut. It probably cost £10. Cool.
Three years later and Turner began to lose the plot a bit. Arctic Monkeys were now the biggest band in the UK and it all got a bit too much for him and he decided that he wanted to be in The Strokes. Alex grew out his locks, bought some leather jackets and headed off into the desert to make arguably the worst body of music the band have made.
Then, in 2013, it happened. For so long, Alex Turner had been on the cusp of being cool. For so long, he was the kinda-cool-but-also-a-loser kid. But not anymore. Not. Anymore. More. In 2013, Alex Turner got arguably the best haircut that any man on the history of the planet has ever had. I mean, look at him! Look how cool he is. Surely he'll stick with this one, right?
WRONG. It appears the American Dream got to Turner and, after getting himself a model girlfriend and a few motorbikes, he decided to re-invent himself into an 80's pornstar. Looking like he belongs on the set of Miami Vice while sipping a Martini and telling you about his favourite Jack Kerouac novel, Turner now adorns his slicked back, greasy long locks with open-chested shirts, beige suits and yellow-tinted sunglasses.
But then this happened. Alex Turner has shaved his f***ing head! Wtf was he thinking? He looks like Moby!
Appearing on the Stephen Colbert show, Turner premiered his new buzzcut and, well, to say fans were 'shook', would be the understatement of the year.
Turner - grow the quiff back, mate. Stop this nonsense.
