Tragic note written by 24-year-old paramedic before she died by suicide is read out at inquest

The inquest into the death of Rebecca McLellan, a 24-year-old paramedic from Ipswich, UK, began on Monday, March 24, at Suffolk Coroners' Court.

McLellan was found dead at her home on November 20, 2023, after colleagues from the East of England Ambulance Service raised concerns when she failed to show up for work. Authorities discovered that McLellan had likely taken her own life.

McLellan was remembered by her mother, Natalie, who described her as a "loving person," "sensitive," "kind," and "fiercely loyal," The Ipswich Star reports. She was known for standing up for others, especially those treated unfairly.

McLellan had always aspired to be a paramedic, and after working hard to achieve her goal, she dedicated herself to helping others. Despite this, she struggled with mental health challenges, particularly after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Her mother shared how McLellan had deteriorated in the last year of her life, becoming "a shadow of herself."

Rebecca McLellan’s mental health struggles

During the inquest, evidence was presented regarding McLellan's mental health. She had undergone 18 sessions with her psychotherapist, Darren Monsigneur, through her employment at the ambulance service.

Monsigneur described McLellan as a "high risk" of suicide and offered to continue the sessions pro bono, but she declined. McLellan also had four sessions with psychiatrist Dr. Kavitha Devarajan, with their final meeting in September 2023.

Despite seeking help, McLellan experienced frustrations with the mental health services. In her handwritten statement, she expressed her dissatisfaction with the Norfolk and Suffolk NHS Foundation Trust (NSFT), mentioning that her repeated attempts to get in touch were unsuccessful.

A video from McLellan played at the inquest showed her visiting NSFT's clinic in Ipswich, where she insisted on speaking to a mental health practitioner. The receptionist informed her that no one was available, and security would be called if she did not leave.

Rebecca McLellan's final words

A letter written by McLellan was found in her home after her death, shedding light on her inner turmoil. In it, she expressed the hopelessness she felt, writing (via The Ipswich Star), "People can survive pretty much everything as long as they can see an end in sight. Unfortunately for me, I cannot. All I can do is wait for the inevitable fall again."

She continued, "I miss the person I used to be. Unfortunately, that girl is long gone. I’ve been running this race for a little too long, and now my legs are tired."

McLellan’s final words also conveyed gratitude to those who loved her, as she wrote, “I know there are those out there who love me, and to those people I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you all tremendously. Please know that I tried. I really did.”

The inquest continues as further details of McLellan's life and struggles come to light. Those experiencing similar feelings are encouraged to reach out for support from organizations such as Samaritans or Papyrus, which specialize in preventing suicide, particularly among young people.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org.

Featured image credit: McLellan family