People love getting insulted. On the schoolyard, kids compete to tell the best "yo mama" joke. On comedy roasts, guests of honor get mocked by their peers. In freestyle rap battles, MC's viciously diss each other, trying to come up with the best punchline. Even at Renaissance Faires, there's a professional insulter. Years ago, I asked one to insult me, and he said I "had a face like an albino fruit bat." I don't think I have ever recovered.
There's an art to the insult. As long as it's all in good fun, everybody enjoys a good teasing. On the "Roast Me" subreddit, brave souls post their pictures and dare other Reddit users do their best (or worst). Here are ten people who asked the Internet to diss them and got absolutely savaged. Remember - they asked for it!
1. Bob Ross lookalike
"You look like the bathtub drain at a frathouse"
"Your eyebrows and moustache can swap shifts if they need to"
"If Bob Ross saw those eyebrows on his canvas, he'd scrape them right off and say something about how it's always ok to try again."
"You look like disco Stu during puberty"
"You look like someone took the spray paint tool in MS Paint to your face."
"I regained my virginity looking at this"
2. Privet from Russia"So, how does one go about getting a refund on their mail order bride?"
"Hello Privet from Russia, I want introduce you to friends Hairbrush and Soap from Pharmacy."
"Nice hair. Does the carpet match the Iron Curtain?"
3. Okay I think they're taking bad pictures on purpose"He looks like he was born already on the sex offenders list."
"Did you ever find your precious?"
"You have crop circles on your head."
"He’s got resting creeper face."
"He’ll graduate this spring with a gown made of human skin"
4. A barista and a podcaster - the total package
"You have a face for podcasts"
"Is your podcast named, "Trapped behind a man's face?"
"Most girls your age like to have fun and let their hair down, you just let your parents down."
"A degree in animation, eh? You must either really enjoy being a barista or really enjoy disappointing your parents... Either way, at least it'll give you something to talk about to your 3 listeners."
5. I'll bet he regrets it now
"You look like someone who calls it “Tarjay” instead of Target"
"You are the type of guy who swims with a shirt on in the pool yet plays pool with no shirt on."
"You actually look like a lego man!"
"You look like that annoying guy from work who's overly enthusiastic and calls everyone champ"
6. & 7. They're bakeable"Your supposed to bake potatoes, not roast them."
"What happened to the rest of the teletubbies?"
"Undateable force meets unf--kable object"
"They need to air out rooms after you leave, don't they?"
"Are you posting from fat camp?"
8. Time to face the music"The longer I look at your photo the more insane the look on your face becomes."
"You have an upside down cat bed on your head. That is also the most interesting thing about you."
"You were pretty good in The Shining."
9. Oh, they won't hold back
"This looks like the picture the news will use when they find all those young boys' bodies in your cellar."
"You're terrifying! I feel like if I leave this post my phone is going to ring and a creepy voice will tell me I'm going to die in seven days..."
"Why on earth are you squinting? Is this the first time you've seen light?"
10. This roast will not come up short
"You got the Body type of a 2X2 in tetris"
"When you're created in God's image but he just uses the thumbnail"
"Don't worry, rollercoasters aren't that much fun anyway."
"gets jumped on by mario"
"When ooompa loompas go to gender studies"
People like to roast others because it’s a creative competition. But why do we like to be roasted? Maybe it's because there's truth in some jokes, and beneath the humor we get an honest glimpse of how we're really perceived. Or maybe we just like being the focus of everyone's attention. What do I know? I have the face of an albino fruit bat.