Abraham Lincoln is widely praised as one of America's greatest presidents, who helped bring an end to the Civil War, abolishing slavery and preserving our country's Union. But you know what he doesn't get enough credit for? Being a total thirst trap!
Lincoln was not considered attractive during his time. He stood a gangly 6'4", when the average man's height was 5'6." He had an awkwardly, ungainly walk. He had big ears, sagging jowls and a neckbeard. In fact, one journalist savagely wrote, "Lincoln is the leanest, lankest, most ungainly mass of legs, arms and hatchet-face ever strung upon a single frame. He has most unwarrantably abused the privilege which all politicians have of being ugly."
Yet the dude on the penny had a sense of humor about his homely appearance. During a presidential debate, Andrew Douglas accused Lincoln of being two-faced and he replied, "Honestly, if I were two-faced, would I be showing you this one?" Ohhhhhhhh! Damn, Gina! Had the microphone been invented, he surely would have dropped it.
When we hear "Abraham Lincoln," we all picture the same solemn mug peering out from beneath a stovepipe hat. However, screenwriter Zack Stentz discovered a very different representation of the sixteenth president in a Los Angeles courthouse. On Twitter, he shared a photo of the sexy statue, writing, "Reminder that the Los Angeles federal courthouse has a statue of Abraham Lincoln where he's a shirtless young stud suggestively tugging at his waistband like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model."
The photo went viral, and Twitter users decided that Abe is their new bae. One person admired his "Honest Abs." Another expressed a desire to "Gettysberg Undress" him. A third observed his tremendous bulge, commenting, "Four-score and seven inches ago." A fourth Twitter user anointed him "Baberaham Twinkoln." And several people, presumably, were emancipated from their pants.
The sexy statue even sparked some great ideas. One Twitter user suggested that "we replace every confederate monument with a statue of Hot Lincoln." (There are roughly 700 Confederate monuments in the United States, the majority built between 1890 and 1960, during the era of Jim Crow segregation. Critics consider them to be offensive glorifications of slavery-loving traitors.)
Another person imagined a Hot Lincoln TV show that sounds a lot more interesting than that movie Steven Spielberg made in 2012. "this fall on the cw: Linc," wrote @owillis. "he's the fresh-faced senator from illinois with the six pack abs, and he's about to start a civil war at washington u. he'll 'emancipate' as he un-adresses the student body. Linc, after Riverdale, this fall."
One person shared a photo of a another sexy Lincoln statue, in Washington D.C.'s Office of Public Records.
And finally, one person shared a riveting story about the sculptor of the Los Angeles courtroom statue. The man reportedly used himself as a model, and when he won the competition to sculpt it, he used the prize money to "buy a new car, promptly wrecked it [and] spent 18 days in jail."
Well, if you ask me, the effort was worth it. Ironically, that statue of Abraham Lincoln blew everyone else's minds.
