I lay in my bed last night and traced an invisible baby bump above my stomach, but I don't know if I ever actually want to have a baby.

From the moment little girls are old enough to play with toys, generally speaking, they're encouraged to play with dolls - dolls with frilly little dresses, dolls with big blue glassy eyes, and sometimes even dolls that cry.

Because the patriarchy is nothing if not good at preparing people for hetronormative roles before they even know how to think for themselves.

While attitudes towards gender norms have come a long way since I was a child in the early nineties, it does mean that I am one of the millions of women around the world who are at a ripe old childbearing age, but whose maternal instincts haven't quite got the memo.

And that's okay. It's okay not to want to children.

Credit: Pexels

Now, before you think, 'Here we go, another woke millennial ranting about something that she'll probably change her mind about soon', please hear me out.

Seriously. I spent six years of my life writing a novel about motherhood and families. I've spent a long time thinking about this.

I like kids. Heck, I think I'm actually really good with them, but that's part of the problem.

I grew up just before the internet became a thing, and I genuinely dread to think how different my childhood would have been if I'd had access to any real social media before the age of 12.

This is me having internet-free fun as a kid:

Credit: Supplied

Even when I did manage to get online, with dial-up internet and a big, boxy 90s computer, my access was restricted... and it was for the best.

The stats back me up on this one too, with the FBI reporting that half of all victims of online sexual exploitation are between the ages of 12 and 15.

And when I say the internet is dangerous, I'm not just talking about grooming, there's the possibility of online bullying or simply having your head filled with nonsense and unrealistic standards that no actual human can achieve, something that's left me, a reasonably fully-functioning human, in despair on more than one occasion.

Do I think I've got what it takes to protect a child from that? Honestly, no.

Credit: Pexels

Children need more than just safety though; it is expensive to raise a child, from a financial and emotional point of view.

I'd want any hypothetical child of mine to have the best, or at the very least, to have the means and support available to them to give this life thing the best shot they can.

My mom stayed at home to raise me and my sister, and it saved us from countless problems: had she not been there, she'd have never noticed that I was getting bullied constantly in elementary school; had she not been there, maybe I would have wandered off into a dark corner of the internet and been subject to something unsavory.

I'm also honest enough to admit that I like having money and free time, and I'm not sure if that's something I'm prepared to give up for a mini-me (animals, on the other hand, just aren't as needy).

Credit: Supplied

Then there's the issue of mental health, which is my biggest fear for any hypothetical child I might have.

I was tracing a baby bump above my stomach last night as I read Bryony Gordon's memoir, Mad Girl, about her battle with OCD and addiction.

While I'm lucky enough to have never suffered from substance abuse, I have OCD - a condition that makes my life a lot harder than what it would have otherwise be - and the thought of passing that on is just a massive nope to me.

It's proven too, with Medline reporting that there's a higher risk of first-degree relatives of affected individuals developing the condition.

But even if I take myself out of the equation, environmentally, the world needs us to stop reproducing at the rate we've been going at.

The world is already overpopulated and having just one child results in an additional 58.6 tonnes of carbon being emitted into the atmosphere each year.

Even if your heart is set on having kids, the greener thing to do is to have less of them.

Credit: Skitterphoto

The decision to have children will always be a deeply personal one, but because of my age, I'm feeling a creeping sense of pressure to get my skates on, or at the very least justify why it's just not for me. And I shouldn't have to.

Children are great, but you don't need to have them to be a productive and worthwhile human.

Maybe I will become a mom one day - and if that day comes, I want to be sure that I can give my kid everything I'd ever want them to have. But I'm also quite content to remain childfree.

I lay in my bed last night and traced an invisible baby bump above my stomach, but I don't know if I ever actually want to have a baby.

From the moment little girls are old enough to play with toys, generally speaking, they're encouraged to play with dolls - dolls with frilly little dresses, dolls with big blue glassy eyes, and sometimes even dolls that cry.

Because the patriarchy is nothing if not good at preparing people for hetronormative roles before they even know how to think for themselves.

While attitudes towards gender norms have come a long way since I was a child in the early nineties, it does mean that I am one of the millions of women around the world who are at a ripe old childbearing age, but whose maternal instincts haven't quite got the memo.

And that's okay. It's okay not to want to children.

Credit: Pexels

Now, before you think, 'Here we go, another woke millennial ranting about something that she'll probably change her mind about soon', please hear me out.

Seriously. I spent six years of my life writing a novel about motherhood and families. I've spent a long time thinking about this.

I like kids. Heck, I think I'm actually really good with them, but that's part of the problem.

I grew up just before the internet became a thing, and I genuinely dread to think how different my childhood would have been if I'd had access to any real social media before the age of 12.

This is me having internet-free fun as a kid:

Credit: Supplied

Even when I did manage to get online, with dial-up internet and a big, boxy 90s computer, my access was restricted... and it was for the best.

The stats back me up on this one too, with the FBI reporting that half of all victims of online sexual exploitation are between the ages of 12 and 15.

And when I say the internet is dangerous, I'm not just talking about grooming, there's the possibility of online bullying or simply having your head filled with nonsense and unrealistic standards that no actual human can achieve, something that's left me, a reasonably fully-functioning human, in despair on more than one occasion.

Do I think I've got what it takes to protect a child from that? Honestly, no.

Credit: Pexels

Children need more than just safety though; it is expensive to raise a child, from a financial and emotional point of view.

I'd want any hypothetical child of mine to have the best, or at the very least, to have the means and support available to them to give this life thing the best shot they can.

My mom stayed at home to raise me and my sister, and it saved us from countless problems: had she not been there, she'd have never noticed that I was getting bullied constantly in elementary school; had she not been there, maybe I would have wandered off into a dark corner of the internet and been subject to something unsavory.

I'm also honest enough to admit that I like having money and free time, and I'm not sure if that's something I'm prepared to give up for a mini-me (animals, on the other hand, just aren't as needy).

Credit: Supplied

Then there's the issue of mental health, which is my biggest fear for any hypothetical child I might have.

I was tracing a baby bump above my stomach last night as I read Bryony Gordon's memoir, Mad Girl, about her battle with OCD and addiction.

While I'm lucky enough to have never suffered from substance abuse, I have OCD - a condition that makes my life a lot harder than what it would have otherwise be - and the thought of passing that on is just a massive nope to me.

It's proven too, with Medline reporting that there's a higher risk of first-degree relatives of affected individuals developing the condition.

But even if I take myself out of the equation, environmentally, the world needs us to stop reproducing at the rate we've been going at.

The world is already overpopulated and having just one child results in an additional 58.6 tonnes of carbon being emitted into the atmosphere each year.

Even if your heart is set on having kids, the greener thing to do is to have less of them.

Credit: Skitterphoto

The decision to have children will always be a deeply personal one, but because of my age, I'm feeling a creeping sense of pressure to get my skates on, or at the very least justify why it's just not for me. And I shouldn't have to.

Children are great, but you don't need to have them to be a productive and worthwhile human.

Maybe I will become a mom one day - and if that day comes, I want to be sure that I can give my kid everything I'd ever want them to have. But I'm also quite content to remain childfree.