We've all had struggles texting with Autocorrect. Instead of saying "I'm hungry," you type "I'm horny." Instead of saying "buttered chicken," you type "butt hurt chicken." Instead of saying "there are pieces of granola everywhere," you type "there are pieces of Grandpa everywhere." Sometimes the mix-ups are funny, but most of the time, they're Anne Frank. I mean annoying. Damn you, Autocorrect!
However, a writing team at Botnik Studio has used the Autocorrect software to create something awesome. They took a 'predictive keyboard' - which guesses the next word you're going to type - and trained it on the text from all seven
Harry Potter books. Once the bot learned
J.K. Rowling's tone and vocabulary, they used the algorithm to generate copy for a brand new Harry Potter chapter. The predictive keyboard even came up with a book title: Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash.
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/botnikstudios/status/940627812259696643]]
After generating some ridiculous copy, the Botnik Studio team went to work. They picked out the funniest passages and arranged into them into a (slightly) coherent narrative, adding their own personal touches here and there so the text would be easier to read. The final result is absolutely hilarious, and a surreal masterpiece.
The chapter, entitled "The Handsome One," begins somewhat normally, describing the castle grounds and the sky. But the story gets crazy pretty quickly.
"Leathery sheets of rain lashed at Harry’s ghost as he walked across the grounds towards the castle. Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione’s family"
I've always thought the Harry Potter books could use more cannibalism.
"Ron's Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself."
That's deep.
" 'What about Ron Magic?' offered Ron."
That is such
a Ron thing to ask.
"Ron was going to be spiders. He just was.”
Okay then.
" 'Locked,’ said Mr. Staircase, the shabby-robed ghost. They looked at the door, screaming about how closed it was and asking it to be replaced with a small orb. The password was ‘BEEF WOMEN.’ Hermione cried"
I mean, she's probably a vegetarian.
"Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them in the forest. Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment...
...The tall Death Eater was wearing a shirt that said 'Hermione Has Forgotten How To Dance,' so Hermione dipped his head in mud."
If that shirt isn't available to buy by now, I will be very disappointed.
" 'Ron's the handsome one," muttered Harry...
...'Not so handsome now," thought Harry, as he dipped Hermione in hot sauce."
See, I knew Harry and Hermione would get together eventually.
"Mountains of mice exploded. Several long pumpkins fell out of McGonagall...
...The pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog. Dumbledore smiled at it, and placed his hand on its head: 'You are Hagrid now.' "
I already like this more than Harry Potter And The Cursed Child.
"Harry looked around and then fell down the spiral staircase for the rest of the summer.
'I'm Harry Potter," Harry began yelling."The dark arts better be worried, oh, boy!' "
It's the perfect ending! I'm pretty disappointed Harry never got to say that line in the movies.
Once the pages were tweeted, they went viral, getting over 80,000 likes. Potterheads gave the new Harry Potter adventure rave reviews, and even created some impressive
fan art.
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/ilsebusje/status/940658613932183553]]
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/hjorth_e_hjorth/status/940660685675139072]]
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/null1001/status/940699844364128256]]
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/tomzorz_/status/940662178268565505]]
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/still/status/940686893611487234]]
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/lynnmeggg/status/940796217281392641]]
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/ComeOnAndSam/status/940861111477460992]]
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/ElsaSketch/status/940681477938806784]]
As artificial intelligence gets
more advanced, it's possible that one day computers - or 'predictive keyboards' - could replace human authors. But thankfully, that day looks like it's still a long way off. One thing's for sure, though: Bots write the best Harry Potter fan fiction.
